There are some songs that you've learnt in your life through productions, performances, that stay with you, and be your inspiration or point of reflection in time to come. It never was meant to be understood in its pure context at the moment you learnt it, but as time goes by and you grow that much bit wiser, the words just hit you, and the true meaning of it turns apparent.
i can't remember the full lyrics, but here goes:
Anak MelayuAnak Melayu main lari-lari,
Kejar mengejar tak tahu mana nak pergi.
Kalaulah terus ber(main)
Belakang hari susah sendiri
Nanti kita yang pucat lesi
Tanpa pemimpin pewarna diri.
Anak Melayu main lari-lari,
Kejar mengejar tak tahu mana nak pergi.
another is...
Ahai tak terniat untuk menghina Yahudi
Yang berakar umbikan pintaran duniawi
Insan meragut nyawa (Insan meragut nyawa)
Alpakan diri
Kerana peristiwa
Permainan keji
Tak mampu mengorak kepasraan
Penderitaan, dan kemunduraan(kemunduraan)...
Been crying on the spur of the moment in public nowadays, for no apparent tangible reasons. It gets pretty embarassing on the train on your way to school, haha.
Heard a simple question today:
If you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Maybe that should be my guiding principle from now on.
But then again, it's never that easy when it involves other people.
Things learnt:
I like being in control and...erm, ah maybe later.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
ME
Your primary type is Seeker
Like other people with Seeker characteristics, you have a thirst for highly stimulating experiences. You gravitate towards unpredictable situations and then thrive once you find them. You would rather improvise than live by a strict calendar that adds structure to daily life. Also, you tend to find consistent routines absolutely strangling.
Intellectually, you're an explorer — which is why you tend to enjoy abstract thinking. In terms of entertainment, you veer toward media that is dark and edgy, flashy and loud, strange and intellectual. You tend to be interested in activities that get you out in the world including the performing arts and new age spirituality.
Your scores place you in the extremely apprehensive region of the relaxed/apprehensive scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you are more sensitive to surrounding stimuli. It also means you are more likely to have an emotional response to chaotic scenes.
Like other people who score high on the apprehensive side of this scale, you are likely to be drawn to situations that are less stimulating to their senses. Because you seem to be easily affected by change, you probably try to stay away from environments that can over-stimulate you.
Your scores place you well into the risk-taking side of the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you play with the possibilities and thrive on heading towards an unknown outcome.
Like other people who score high on the risk-taking side, you combine a love of the new and unusual with a talent for inquisitive, abstract thinking. You have a tendency to seek out action and in all likelihood, find structure and predictability to be strangling experiences.
You At Your Best
When you're in the presence of others who care about you, you relax and really shine. Supportive, safe interactions with people who believe in you are an important step in your unfolding path towards more confidence. You'll thrive in atmospheres that are calm and quiet. When you feel soothed, you can tune into your real thoughts and reactions. By creating a peaceful environment for yourself, and by slowly building up your confidence, you will be able to enter the world more fully and share the amazing person you are.
Achieving Success
You are focused on success in your life; and you define it in a variety of ways. You love the boost you get from getting credit for your work, financial rewards, achieving your personal goals, finding luck in love, having great friends and, in sum, getting what you want. You can be held back, however, by a pesky self-doubt that occasionally questions your ability to really “make it” in the world. You've never been afraid to let the world know what you have to offer. Whether it's standing up to take credit in a work scenario or letting a new person you meet get a sense of your charms right away, you know how to put your best assets front and center. A challenge for you in the area of ambition is to partner with others as you pursue your dreams. Don't let that niggling self-doubt keep you from teaming up, combining resources and sharing the trip. You'll find the rewards of being on a team or part of a duo can be felt during the process and pay off in the final reward.
Like other people with Seeker characteristics, you have a thirst for highly stimulating experiences. You gravitate towards unpredictable situations and then thrive once you find them. You would rather improvise than live by a strict calendar that adds structure to daily life. Also, you tend to find consistent routines absolutely strangling.
Intellectually, you're an explorer — which is why you tend to enjoy abstract thinking. In terms of entertainment, you veer toward media that is dark and edgy, flashy and loud, strange and intellectual. You tend to be interested in activities that get you out in the world including the performing arts and new age spirituality.
Your scores place you in the extremely apprehensive region of the relaxed/apprehensive scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you are more sensitive to surrounding stimuli. It also means you are more likely to have an emotional response to chaotic scenes.
Like other people who score high on the apprehensive side of this scale, you are likely to be drawn to situations that are less stimulating to their senses. Because you seem to be easily affected by change, you probably try to stay away from environments that can over-stimulate you.
Your scores place you well into the risk-taking side of the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you play with the possibilities and thrive on heading towards an unknown outcome.
Like other people who score high on the risk-taking side, you combine a love of the new and unusual with a talent for inquisitive, abstract thinking. You have a tendency to seek out action and in all likelihood, find structure and predictability to be strangling experiences.
You At Your Best
When you're in the presence of others who care about you, you relax and really shine. Supportive, safe interactions with people who believe in you are an important step in your unfolding path towards more confidence. You'll thrive in atmospheres that are calm and quiet. When you feel soothed, you can tune into your real thoughts and reactions. By creating a peaceful environment for yourself, and by slowly building up your confidence, you will be able to enter the world more fully and share the amazing person you are.
Achieving Success
You are focused on success in your life; and you define it in a variety of ways. You love the boost you get from getting credit for your work, financial rewards, achieving your personal goals, finding luck in love, having great friends and, in sum, getting what you want. You can be held back, however, by a pesky self-doubt that occasionally questions your ability to really “make it” in the world. You've never been afraid to let the world know what you have to offer. Whether it's standing up to take credit in a work scenario or letting a new person you meet get a sense of your charms right away, you know how to put your best assets front and center. A challenge for you in the area of ambition is to partner with others as you pursue your dreams. Don't let that niggling self-doubt keep you from teaming up, combining resources and sharing the trip. You'll find the rewards of being on a team or part of a duo can be felt during the process and pay off in the final reward.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
ME
Trying to find that balance.
I fel overbalanced. Nice to do something different for a change.
Get different perspectives.
Feel different towards other areas of my life.
Things ar egetting done, Alhamdulillah.
Questions..getting answered.
Hopefully all goes well.
I fel overbalanced. Nice to do something different for a change.
Get different perspectives.
Feel different towards other areas of my life.
Things ar egetting done, Alhamdulillah.
Questions..getting answered.
Hopefully all goes well.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Story of my life
Ahhh this past two weeks I've been busy with many many things, MS event (coming friday! It's an international students' dialogue session, on YOuth and Student Activism in an Islamic context, and we're trying to make it like in a global context to engage both locals and foreigners. Shold be fun, especially if you're looking for intellectual stimulation :) details will be sent out thru emails, so check it out soon!!!
Other than that, NUSSUVPC Exuberance nation wide competition, plus a mini bazaar, buT this is in february and march so still got time...
Plus S.A.M.!! I'm super-excited abt it, can't wait to see how far it's developed. Must be great,with stayovers and all. Crazy!
Oh, and my studies. OoOps. But the modules are really really engaging, so will have time to catch up today and everything.
I realise I tend to be a little commitment phobic sometimes, but once it passes through, I guess I feel a lot better.
Gonna make things work!
Love you all!
And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DEE!!!!! FINALLY A BIG GURL AT 20!!! SEMOGA ALLAH S.W.T. MENCUCURI RAHMAT KEATASMU SELALU. LOVE YOU GURL!! *HUGS*
Other than that, NUSSUVPC Exuberance nation wide competition, plus a mini bazaar, buT this is in february and march so still got time...
Plus S.A.M.!! I'm super-excited abt it, can't wait to see how far it's developed. Must be great,with stayovers and all. Crazy!
Oh, and my studies. OoOps. But the modules are really really engaging, so will have time to catch up today and everything.
I realise I tend to be a little commitment phobic sometimes, but once it passes through, I guess I feel a lot better.
Gonna make things work!
Love you all!
And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DEE!!!!! FINALLY A BIG GURL AT 20!!! SEMOGA ALLAH S.W.T. MENCUCURI RAHMAT KEATASMU SELALU. LOVE YOU GURL!! *HUGS*
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Syeikh Ahmad Deedat just passed away...
He was one of the most celebrated scholars in Islam...wrote books and travelled the world, challenged many religious scholars of other faiths into debates on religion and questioning of their faith. The Islamic world just lost one man who held the torch in the right direction, our pillar of strengh to modernity and progress, the real icon and role model to follow by any religious scholarly standards anywhere.
He was one of those rare gems that went to the heart of the matter, and wanted to prove that what he stood for was the real truth. He wanted answers and wanted to spread them to everyone, to let everyone know of the truth.
How many of us (me included) actually question what Islam means to us, and how much we live according to its standards in our daily lives. Sure, you may have this conception that it's outdated or unmodernised or irrelevant to our society (like the issue of the hijab) but as Muslims, we have to try and find out why such regulations (Al-Quran and As-Sunnah-words of the prophet) have been passed down through the centuries, and what is our take on such regulations based on the present situation that we are currently living in.
YOu call yourself a Muslim, but what actually do you stand for?
He was one of those rare gems that went to the heart of the matter, and wanted to prove that what he stood for was the real truth. He wanted answers and wanted to spread them to everyone, to let everyone know of the truth.
How many of us (me included) actually question what Islam means to us, and how much we live according to its standards in our daily lives. Sure, you may have this conception that it's outdated or unmodernised or irrelevant to our society (like the issue of the hijab) but as Muslims, we have to try and find out why such regulations (Al-Quran and As-Sunnah-words of the prophet) have been passed down through the centuries, and what is our take on such regulations based on the present situation that we are currently living in.
YOu call yourself a Muslim, but what actually do you stand for?
Monday, August 15, 2005
Stressed.
School has barely begun and I'm all fused out. ergh.
Aiyah just blab it all out. Verbal diarrhea my foot. Blogging gives one entitlement to say out everything, anyway rite?
yes. ok. Yet sigh some things u just have to keep to yourself. Self-censorship is nothing new.
ARGHHH.
Suddenly, all that I have to write has *poofed*.
ok. so. let. me. try again.
Ifeellike therearesomanythings goingthroughmymind thatsometimesIdon't understand whetherthey are mythoughts or random offerings from my surroundings.
Ok. suddenly I'm not that good with describing words.
Is this what growing up is all about? The decaying process of tinkering with new things, expressing new opinions, indulging in new senses?
Yea. think thats it.
Idunwanagrowup.EVER.
Aiyah just blab it all out. Verbal diarrhea my foot. Blogging gives one entitlement to say out everything, anyway rite?
yes. ok. Yet sigh some things u just have to keep to yourself. Self-censorship is nothing new.
ARGHHH.
Suddenly, all that I have to write has *poofed*.
ok. so. let. me. try again.
Ifeellike therearesomanythings goingthroughmymind thatsometimesIdon't understand whetherthey are mythoughts or random offerings from my surroundings.
Ok. suddenly I'm not that good with describing words.
Is this what growing up is all about? The decaying process of tinkering with new things, expressing new opinions, indulging in new senses?
Yea. think thats it.
Idunwanagrowup.EVER.
A Sense of Wonderment
Sometimes i really wonder what's the point of writing my thoughts out, even though my real intention is to seek that others would understand what I'm saying coz I feel I say things better with words (and not like I have the time to meet everyone and tell them stories yunnow, people nowadays, busy busy) but the fact is blogs draw more wrath and criticism nowadays than anything else, but I guess there's always that naive optimistic side of me that expects people to read and understand others' blogs without any critical appraisal of it wadsoever. (I mean YOU do that, don't you? hehe.)
Things on my mind, but no time to blog them out. :( *pouts*. someday eh. you know how long winded I can get, haha. :)
Things on my mind, but no time to blog them out. :( *pouts*. someday eh. you know how long winded I can get, haha. :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
The heart speaks...
Got this off a friend's blog...
"There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and,
Dance like no one's watching."
Sometimes I just don't understand. No matter how much I try to look through and differentiate between what I want and what I think others expect from me, I just can't seem to disentagle them apart.
Daughter. Sister. Friend. Contributor to society.
Ultimately, your role depends on how u fit into the lives of the people around you. You have to accomodate to them, and learn to give and take. And until I feel that my relationships are at an equilibrium, I don't think I'll be truly happy. I guess I'm just too much of a relationship-oriented person to believe that only I can decide what I want to do with my life.
Is how smart you are defined by your academic accomplishments or by how much you're able to teach to others? Maybe the higher you go the more you can understand things, people, the way the world works, but does that make you a better contributor than someone who just passed her 'A's? Do you make the people around you happy? Do you realise their potential too?
Disquietened...:(
"There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and,
Dance like no one's watching."
Sometimes I just don't understand. No matter how much I try to look through and differentiate between what I want and what I think others expect from me, I just can't seem to disentagle them apart.
Daughter. Sister. Friend. Contributor to society.
Ultimately, your role depends on how u fit into the lives of the people around you. You have to accomodate to them, and learn to give and take. And until I feel that my relationships are at an equilibrium, I don't think I'll be truly happy. I guess I'm just too much of a relationship-oriented person to believe that only I can decide what I want to do with my life.
Is how smart you are defined by your academic accomplishments or by how much you're able to teach to others? Maybe the higher you go the more you can understand things, people, the way the world works, but does that make you a better contributor than someone who just passed her 'A's? Do you make the people around you happy? Do you realise their potential too?
Disquietened...:(
Sunday, August 07, 2005
(:* --(:*--(:*
I guess there's nothing ever like catching up with old friends, people who've known you since whenever. People who truly appreciate who you are and what you can do. People who appreciate you as you. I've always been the sort to thrive on connection with others, and thus at this moment, I'm happy :) hehehe
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Boinky Boink
Past few days feelings moody...like sometimes I can just feel like evrything's going alright, and sometimes just feel like screaming at people. ah, the joys of PMS.
Anyways birthday was pretty erm. decent. just yet another simple day in my life. had to cancel out on gurlfrenns*actually it was just farah mars n sha, n elly was ad hoc* coz had meeting in the afternoon when most of them were free. oh wells, WE HAVE TO GO OUT sometime soon k...miss u peeps A MILLION times more nowadays :)
The there was this dialogue session (yes, so much intellectual stimulation on my birthday) where the usual issues were brought up, malays being given special priveleges to apply for education tution fees, madrasah education, erm, etc. (you'ld already know what if u're interested to know in the first place.) Anyways what the minister said abt us doing research on our society really struck a chord...I mean we'll continue to pledge ignorance and beat around the bush if nobody's gonna do the dirty work and think up of NEW ideas to move up and on man...
Then yesterday went out with Dee and Shaz after meeting in sch again...I just LOVE honest people...*heh* And dunnow how it started but after pouring out all my probs to them over dinner we didnt wanna leave so chilled near this bamboo patch and started talking abt the dialogue session than abt social work then abt our lives than abt akhirat then in the end we ended up so scared freaking ourselves out abt what's in store for us. hahaha. It was the best nite for the longest time ever:)
Thanks to you all man...
Sha, Farah, Dee, Shaz, Adila, Mars for the (potential or not treats)...
Thanks Yana & Hani for buying the cake and ms people for celebrating erm..eating up of the cake...
And all the rest tt wished me happy birthday :)
Turning 20 wasn't so hard after all with you guys around!
Anyways birthday was pretty erm. decent. just yet another simple day in my life. had to cancel out on gurlfrenns*actually it was just farah mars n sha, n elly was ad hoc* coz had meeting in the afternoon when most of them were free. oh wells, WE HAVE TO GO OUT sometime soon k...miss u peeps A MILLION times more nowadays :)
The there was this dialogue session (yes, so much intellectual stimulation on my birthday) where the usual issues were brought up, malays being given special priveleges to apply for education tution fees, madrasah education, erm, etc. (you'ld already know what if u're interested to know in the first place.) Anyways what the minister said abt us doing research on our society really struck a chord...I mean we'll continue to pledge ignorance and beat around the bush if nobody's gonna do the dirty work and think up of NEW ideas to move up and on man...
Then yesterday went out with Dee and Shaz after meeting in sch again...I just LOVE honest people...*heh* And dunnow how it started but after pouring out all my probs to them over dinner we didnt wanna leave so chilled near this bamboo patch and started talking abt the dialogue session than abt social work then abt our lives than abt akhirat then in the end we ended up so scared freaking ourselves out abt what's in store for us. hahaha. It was the best nite for the longest time ever:)
Thanks to you all man...
Sha, Farah, Dee, Shaz, Adila, Mars for the (potential or not treats)...
Thanks Yana & Hani for buying the cake and ms people for celebrating erm..eating up of the cake...
And all the rest tt wished me happy birthday :)
Turning 20 wasn't so hard after all with you guys around!
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