What breed of horse are you? Find out!

I know I know, this is totally unoriginal..haha...HAPPY HOUSE! SOOoo preteen-ish, but heck, can't I just be normal and kiddish for ONCE, try so hard to be myself and fit in then be myself and fit in then be myself and fit in...

I'm tired of all that crap. Ultimately, you'll just have to learn to answer to yourself. I'm sick of people trying to judge and assume different things about what I do.

Anyways, i think SAM was a success for the first night. Alhamdulillah. Yet another night to follow through with it all :)

MODERATION IN ISLAM talk this thursday (6-9pm YIH function room)with professor Hussein from political science department-it's gonna be superb i tell you,he's given many many talks like this before and this would be the first in NUS for NUS students he's also the director for Islamic strategic studies in SEA...So if you're interested to know an expert's take on Islam within the region, please sign up with us il_paranoide@yahoo.com...

I think it's time for me to turn theory into practical.

And i think the playlist thingy is wayyy cool. haha. suits my different modes and terrible moodswings, especially now.

I was debating about whether I should put this up coz it seems kinda mean when you think of it but well maybe you peeps have a different take on it so this is what happened today that started off a semi-bad day and then later in the time to come...

*JUst had a bad day* :)

So I was walking happily down clementi walkway to the mrt station when this guy asking for donations laughed while looking in my direction-ok i felt a bit funny coz i was wearing a bright pink flowery dress that stood out from the mundane colours that people wear on a bright n cheery sunday afternoon(the horror, ishishish)-so okay lah nak laugh nvm tak kisah you can think whatever you want I'm wearing this to cheer myself up coz i felt sick in the morning and wanted to feel better about myself.

So as I passed him and his donation i heard the request-'Kak, nak donate?' in a slightly over-friendly tone and a slightly over-bearing facial expression. Quite frightening actually. So i just react to what I would do in trying to wriggle out of that uncomfortable situation (and slight self-defense) -half smile while not looking directly at the person.

Then I heard: "Sombong seh."

And THAT, my dear people who are still with me, is what got me really pissed.

LIke Excuse me, Mister.

Firstly, yOu are out here, doing a service for so and so charitable organisation with the intention to improve the welfare of the people in the long run. Your intention would be to approach people with the sincerity of asking them to help out. Any other intentions would be secondary, if favourable at all.

Secondly you're willingly helping out and you don't EXPECT people to donate, that's a right of theirs whether they would want to donate or not.

And thirdly, what's with guys calling girls in tudung kak when asking for donations? I know its supposed to be a respectable thing but i find it plain irritating, especially when they're obviously so much older than me. Just a simple salam would do. Just cause everyone else does it doesn't make it favourable. Be original sikit lah, and do what is right, not cause everyone else deems it to be alright.

Ah and that was my first huff for the day.


And btw I think working with Kak Aishah totally rocks.


so...Alhamdulillah. :)

Alhamdulillah

Happy happy :) Alhamdulillah...

For the first time after stepping in NUS, the feeling that I've dreamt I should feel when coming in for classes was felt. [Oh goodness, what distorted english.] But I really couldn't help smiling to myself during arabic classes. The atmosphere of people united learning together towards a particular cause, so close to what we really ought to focus on, in a place of God, felt really blissful...and I really thank God for the experience of letting us hold it for the rest of the students in NUS...ok so that went well.

Other school stuff gets me pretty busy but I guess it's alright...

Schoolwork...getting down to the grind...but still so much to do....

And went out with my dearest gurlfrens on friday! Sha, Farah, Marsie!! Miss people I could really have a warm heart to heart sessio to and talk crap at the same time. hehe. Farah's classic reactions to stories. Sha's hilarious stories. And Mars' warm aura. hehe. I really had a good time...thanks you babes! *hugs*

Had an intellectual discussion with Adila mohc on sunday coz we missed ugama class and walked all ard kallang instead. hehe. Same old that gurl. Really had a good brain wrecking session, felt so understood then. hehe.

Conclusions:

1. It's best if you know what to give to people who are willing to receive and know how to accept what people give you. The remaining spaces are for you to fill in.

2. Life's like this:
Learn and explore A dynamically.
Explain A to others.
Work towards a better A when challenged.
-Where A can be religion, culture, your take on friendships, anything.

This has been on my mind for a long time

Mereka berkata bangsa kami kolot, tidak halus bersaing mengikut arus persaingan yang menyalut penduduk negara kita. Ugama tidak lain tidak bukan menjadi mangsa jua. Kesedihan yang amat terserlah adalah yang mendapati kritikan dan komen ini semua tiada penyedaran mengenai apa yang diperkatakan oleh mereka dan tiada kuasa sungguh untuk menukar apa yang dialami mereka. Sedih sungguh, bukan? Inilah umat kami, saudara, darah danging dan rakan sejinak kami. Siapakah yang akan menyelamatkan kami semua? Siapakah pendekar yang kami telah menunggu dan akan menyerah bakti selama ini? Oh, bukan kami, tidak, kami tidak berkuasa apa-apa pun, kami hanya hidup untuk diri kami sendiri. Bukan itu suatu kepentingan dalam hidup seseorang itu? Quality of life? The right to express oneself, to do as you please to? Apa yang orang lain lakukan, itu masalah mereka, bukan? Siapa kata kami berhak untuk menukar nasib, arus kehidupan mereka? So what if they end up in rehab centres,
suffer from broken marriages and God knows what else? The proportion of people who have problems way overcome those that have the time and means to solve them. And it totally doesn't concerm me, right?

Well, I guess not. Until it really hits home.

-Muddled-

It's amazing that even when work is piling up I still have time to blog. Eurgh.

Everyone's studying like mad. Drives me nuts sometimes, cooped up in this mental nutcased shell called school. Everyone's chasing after the same things, don't you stop and wonder where all this is leading to? What are you workin so hard for?

And everyone would tell me to shut up and get back to work, the work that I've been slacking off. Seriously, I know I haven't been doing as well as I should. Boo-hoo to me.

Anyways, it's hit me before, but it hit me harder today: I wanna do reasearch. Not scientific research just for the sake of doing it but I guess more into research into religion and trying to link it back to science. Yea.

So I have an ambition see. It's just about moving on from philospphising about it and getting it straight into the realm of reality.

Eurgh. Butt-off-to-work-now....

Let's not criticise and comment shall we? it's so easy to criticise and pick on other's bad traits so much so that it becomes an obsession, a point on which our whole life revolves around. Which makes it a crap of a life to live.

So i'ld like to generalise instead. It's rather sad if friends are treated as mere pawns in one's life, to let them play thier respective roles as one deems fit to in one's life, and discarded upon their non-importance relative to one.

I hope no matter where one goes, people are treated in their every right to be and act as their individual selves, and appreciated deeply for who they really are.

I guess this whole drama has taught me that, at least. Be true to who you are and what you do and how you treat others too. Coz ultimately, it'll all come back to you.

ANYWAY. Had a good week past. many many things learnt, all not rosy and sweet anymore. I guess when I picked up the role I was a little starry-eyed. And now it's harder than I thought. But i guess we just have to keep learning from what we've yet to learn right?

And i do like spending time on my own up to a certain point. Give me time to reflect upon my own perspectives without others' thoughts clouding my judgement. But i miss people too much :) been ctaching up thou.

The more you know...

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

Anyways, seem to lack words to describe what I'm going through.
But I'm relatively happy :) so yeay :)

Nice.

-----~~~~~-----
“It’s About Life....”
-----~~~~~-----

Life is about experiences, which makes us to grow;
According to time and situations, it flows.

Sometimes everything seems clear and perfect,
Sometimes, it’s all haze;
Maybe, life is a maze,
Every time, it leaves us amazed.

Not everyone in life, gets everything.
Sometimes, You lose even by gaining, and gain, even by losing.
Why cry for losing something, which we never owned.
Life doesn't stop by accidents;
Else, the world would have ended.

Anyone can sympathize with ours hurts,
But, its only we bleed when it hurts.
Why should our life depend on someone, for happiness?
It’s we, who create our own happiness...

Even in whole life, for someone, you change our ways;
At the end of day, with you, only your shadow stays.
The world may seem beautiful, and people influence by charm;
But, in times of need, it’s our own hand, at the end of our arm.

Love and relations, are like sand,
Which we try to hold in our hand;
The more we want them to stay, the more they slip away.

Let no one and nothing control you,
Come what may; Let you, only your faith in God’s way.

Things that are just part of life,
Must be kept that way.
If we make them life, by mistake;
Heart is bound to break.

Today may seem faint and dull,
Compared to beautiful past;
But, tomorrow will bring beautiful moments to last.

Why look for a shoulder to cry on,
And support from someone;
One moment people are around, next moment gone;
Fact is, He’s the strongest man in life, who stands on his own...all alone.

Whenever in life, things seem to slip out of your hands;
Give it in God’s hands,
Since, everything is safe in his hands.

After every sunset of hurts and despair,
There's a new sunrise of hopes and prayer.

It takes both rain and sunshine to make rainbows,
And like a spring, life always flows;
Even after a bright day ends,
Still in the dark night sky, stars and moon glows....




Wasalaam
Akramulla Syed

The good ol' days

Why is it that when you were in jc, you reminiscence about sec sch, and when you're in uni, you reminiscence about jc?

I guess as the years get progressively tougher, you appreciate more of the innocence and idealism back then.

I miss jc... haha even though i really hated it at first, now I really appreciate it for giving me an alternative perspective of life that rg gave me...

The times crapping during P.E. on the field, through tough times with Barnabas, haha, never could understand how we always got her on her moodiest days, but we did, and we SURVIVED the mental torture together, laughing & rolling ourselves silly playing netball or throwing the javelin at various horrible angles, softball that made us go all philosophical on the ball and strikes...Handsome colonel Lee with his great volleyball techniques, which made us be able to play decently and inspire greatly we decided to have our own volleyball team, which got crushed horribly by other teams, haha...and sneaking around school past the gates wayyy after breaktime, the art of it mastered by clara, our very own pretty councillor, got proposals even into second week of term haha...Shrieking with laughter at the idea of 6 guys changing together in the handicap toilet , in class at small things, at morning assembly, after school...

I guess tpj showed me that there are people out there who have different priorities, and they can still be very happy. I know it sounds obvious, but well... seeing so many people who can slack so badly at all exams and yet be so happy in general really makes you wonder if they've got something going for them that you don't realise.

Yet I appreciated more the times in rg when i eally felt that knowledge was pursued for a reason, for a greater purpose, rather than simply just for passing exams. Get what I mean? Alternative perspectives.

I guess being in extreme environments (somewhat..haha) have always made me the odd one out, the one from the outside looking in. So...that's part of who I am I guess...*shurgs*

Anak melayu

There are some songs that you've learnt in your life through productions, performances, that stay with you, and be your inspiration or point of reflection in time to come. It never was meant to be understood in its pure context at the moment you learnt it, but as time goes by and you grow that much bit wiser, the words just hit you, and the true meaning of it turns apparent.

i can't remember the full lyrics, but here goes:

Anak MelayuAnak Melayu main lari-lari,
Kejar mengejar tak tahu mana nak pergi.

Kalaulah terus ber(main)
Belakang hari susah sendiri
Nanti kita yang pucat lesi
Tanpa pemimpin pewarna diri.

Anak Melayu main lari-lari,
Kejar mengejar tak tahu mana nak pergi.

another is...

Ahai tak terniat untuk menghina Yahudi
Yang berakar umbikan pintaran duniawi
Insan meragut nyawa (Insan meragut nyawa)
Alpakan diri
Kerana peristiwa
Permainan keji

Tak mampu mengorak kepasraan
Penderitaan, dan kemunduraan(kemunduraan)...


Been crying on the spur of the moment in public nowadays, for no apparent tangible reasons. It gets pretty embarassing on the train on your way to school, haha.

Heard a simple question today:
If you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Maybe that should be my guiding principle from now on.
But then again, it's never that easy when it involves other people.

Things learnt:
I like being in control and...erm, ah maybe later.

ME

Your primary type is Seeker
Like other people with Seeker characteristics, you have a thirst for highly stimulating experiences. You gravitate towards unpredictable situations and then thrive once you find them. You would rather improvise than live by a strict calendar that adds structure to daily life. Also, you tend to find consistent routines absolutely strangling.

Intellectually, you're an explorer — which is why you tend to enjoy abstract thinking. In terms of entertainment, you veer toward media that is dark and edgy, flashy and loud, strange and intellectual. You tend to be interested in activities that get you out in the world including the performing arts and new age spirituality.



Your scores place you in the extremely apprehensive region of the relaxed/apprehensive scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you are more sensitive to surrounding stimuli. It also means you are more likely to have an emotional response to chaotic scenes.

Like other people who score high on the apprehensive side of this scale, you are likely to be drawn to situations that are less stimulating to their senses. Because you seem to be easily affected by change, you probably try to stay away from environments that can over-stimulate you.



Your scores place you well into the risk-taking side of the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you play with the possibilities and thrive on heading towards an unknown outcome.

Like other people who score high on the risk-taking side, you combine a love of the new and unusual with a talent for inquisitive, abstract thinking. You have a tendency to seek out action and in all likelihood, find structure and predictability to be strangling experiences.




You At Your Best
When you're in the presence of others who care about you, you relax and really shine. Supportive, safe interactions with people who believe in you are an important step in your unfolding path towards more confidence. You'll thrive in atmospheres that are calm and quiet. When you feel soothed, you can tune into your real thoughts and reactions. By creating a peaceful environment for yourself, and by slowly building up your confidence, you will be able to enter the world more fully and share the amazing person you are.

Achieving Success
You are focused on success in your life; and you define it in a variety of ways. You love the boost you get from getting credit for your work, financial rewards, achieving your personal goals, finding luck in love, having great friends and, in sum, getting what you want. You can be held back, however, by a pesky self-doubt that occasionally questions your ability to really “make it” in the world. You've never been afraid to let the world know what you have to offer. Whether it's standing up to take credit in a work scenario or letting a new person you meet get a sense of your charms right away, you know how to put your best assets front and center. A challenge for you in the area of ambition is to partner with others as you pursue your dreams. Don't let that niggling self-doubt keep you from teaming up, combining resources and sharing the trip. You'll find the rewards of being on a team or part of a duo can be felt during the process and pay off in the final reward.

ME

Trying to find that balance.

I fel overbalanced. Nice to do something different for a change.

Get different perspectives.

Feel different towards other areas of my life.

Things ar egetting done, Alhamdulillah.

Questions..getting answered.

Hopefully all goes well.

Story of my life

Ahhh this past two weeks I've been busy with many many things, MS event (coming friday! It's an international students' dialogue session, on YOuth and Student Activism in an Islamic context, and we're trying to make it like in a global context to engage both locals and foreigners. Shold be fun, especially if you're looking for intellectual stimulation :) details will be sent out thru emails, so check it out soon!!!

Other than that, NUSSUVPC Exuberance nation wide competition, plus a mini bazaar, buT this is in february and march so still got time...

Plus S.A.M.!! I'm super-excited abt it, can't wait to see how far it's developed. Must be great,with stayovers and all. Crazy!

Oh, and my studies. OoOps. But the modules are really really engaging, so will have time to catch up today and everything.

I realise I tend to be a little commitment phobic sometimes, but once it passes through, I guess I feel a lot better.

Gonna make things work!

Love you all!

And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DEE!!!!! FINALLY A BIG GURL AT 20!!! SEMOGA ALLAH S.W.T. MENCUCURI RAHMAT KEATASMU SELALU. LOVE YOU GURL!! *HUGS*

Syeikh Ahmad Deedat just passed away...

He was one of the most celebrated scholars in Islam...wrote books and travelled the world, challenged many religious scholars of other faiths into debates on religion and questioning of their faith. The Islamic world just lost one man who held the torch in the right direction, our pillar of strengh to modernity and progress, the real icon and role model to follow by any religious scholarly standards anywhere.

He was one of those rare gems that went to the heart of the matter, and wanted to prove that what he stood for was the real truth. He wanted answers and wanted to spread them to everyone, to let everyone know of the truth.

How many of us (me included) actually question what Islam means to us, and how much we live according to its standards in our daily lives. Sure, you may have this conception that it's outdated or unmodernised or irrelevant to our society (like the issue of the hijab) but as Muslims, we have to try and find out why such regulations (Al-Quran and As-Sunnah-words of the prophet) have been passed down through the centuries, and what is our take on such regulations based on the present situation that we are currently living in.

YOu call yourself a Muslim, but what actually do you stand for?

Stressed.

School has barely begun and I'm all fused out. ergh.

Aiyah just blab it all out. Verbal diarrhea my foot. Blogging gives one entitlement to say out everything, anyway rite?

yes. ok. Yet sigh some things u just have to keep to yourself. Self-censorship is nothing new.

ARGHHH.

Suddenly, all that I have to write has *poofed*.

ok. so. let. me. try again.

Ifeellike therearesomanythings goingthroughmymind thatsometimesIdon't understand whetherthey are mythoughts or random offerings from my surroundings.

Ok. suddenly I'm not that good with describing words.

Is this what growing up is all about? The decaying process of tinkering with new things, expressing new opinions, indulging in new senses?

Yea. think thats it.

Idunwanagrowup.EVER.

A Sense of Wonderment

Sometimes i really wonder what's the point of writing my thoughts out, even though my real intention is to seek that others would understand what I'm saying coz I feel I say things better with words (and not like I have the time to meet everyone and tell them stories yunnow, people nowadays, busy busy) but the fact is blogs draw more wrath and criticism nowadays than anything else, but I guess there's always that naive optimistic side of me that expects people to read and understand others' blogs without any critical appraisal of it wadsoever. (I mean YOU do that, don't you? hehe.)

Things on my mind, but no time to blog them out. :( *pouts*. someday eh. you know how long winded I can get, haha. :)

The heart speaks...

Got this off a friend's blog...

"There is no better time than right now to be happy.


Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and,
Dance like no one's watching."



Sometimes I just don't understand. No matter how much I try to look through and differentiate between what I want and what I think others expect from me, I just can't seem to disentagle them apart.

Daughter. Sister. Friend. Contributor to society.

Ultimately, your role depends on how u fit into the lives of the people around you. You have to accomodate to them, and learn to give and take. And until I feel that my relationships are at an equilibrium, I don't think I'll be truly happy. I guess I'm just too much of a relationship-oriented person to believe that only I can decide what I want to do with my life.

Is how smart you are defined by your academic accomplishments or by how much you're able to teach to others? Maybe the higher you go the more you can understand things, people, the way the world works, but does that make you a better contributor than someone who just passed her 'A's? Do you make the people around you happy? Do you realise their potential too?

Disquietened...:(

(:* --(:*--(:*

I guess there's nothing ever like catching up with old friends, people who've known you since whenever. People who truly appreciate who you are and what you can do. People who appreciate you as you. I've always been the sort to thrive on connection with others, and thus at this moment, I'm happy :) hehehe

Boinky Boink

Past few days feelings moody...like sometimes I can just feel like evrything's going alright, and sometimes just feel like screaming at people. ah, the joys of PMS.

Anyways birthday was pretty erm. decent. just yet another simple day in my life. had to cancel out on gurlfrenns*actually it was just farah mars n sha, n elly was ad hoc* coz had meeting in the afternoon when most of them were free. oh wells, WE HAVE TO GO OUT sometime soon k...miss u peeps A MILLION times more nowadays :)

The there was this dialogue session (yes, so much intellectual stimulation on my birthday) where the usual issues were brought up, malays being given special priveleges to apply for education tution fees, madrasah education, erm, etc. (you'ld already know what if u're interested to know in the first place.) Anyways what the minister said abt us doing research on our society really struck a chord...I mean we'll continue to pledge ignorance and beat around the bush if nobody's gonna do the dirty work and think up of NEW ideas to move up and on man...

Then yesterday went out with Dee and Shaz after meeting in sch again...I just LOVE honest people...*heh* And dunnow how it started but after pouring out all my probs to them over dinner we didnt wanna leave so chilled near this bamboo patch and started talking abt the dialogue session than abt social work then abt our lives than abt akhirat then in the end we ended up so scared freaking ourselves out abt what's in store for us. hahaha. It was the best nite for the longest time ever:)

Thanks to you all man...
Sha, Farah, Dee, Shaz, Adila, Mars for the (potential or not treats)...

Thanks Yana & Hani for buying the cake and ms people for celebrating erm..eating up of the cake...

And all the rest tt wished me happy birthday :)

Turning 20 wasn't so hard after all with you guys around!