Death

Death. Don't you just keep hearing about it all around nowadays? Someone just told me that her friend's sister died, and she was just a few years' older than us. Cause unknown yet to us, cause she's not that close to that friend.

To me, death seems to be an abstract concept. I've never lost a close loved one before. Not even a peer that I really truly knew. The last time a really close relative died, it was my arwah grandpa, my second one on my paternal side as my granny married twice, and i was young and naive enough to be more preoccupied with the cockroach stuck in the kemenyan holder than to grieve solemnly over the dead body just two metres away.

If anyone of my relatives passed away, I wouldn't know what to think or do.
But why do people have to die?
MAH THEORY:
Well it's sthg that's somewhat like the law of diminishing returns in economics. Or rather an anti-law of it. You can't have too much of a good thing otherwise you'd take it for granted.
The one who's passed on into the afterlife has no more chances in this one. i.e. GONE. KA-BAM! CLOSED ACCOUNTS, SORRY NO MORE CHECKING IN OF ACCOUNT BALANCES! The only way he can continue his good deeds would be only 3 particularly fragile ways: through his descendents, good things that come out from his wealth, and knowledge that was passed on during his lifetime.
Another simple answer would be cause God wants us living ones to realise that everything comes from Him. He will take away what He wishes and we have no say nor control over the matter.
We all have a real life ticking clock right within us, above us, around us, guiding along our lives til the very end. And at the finishing line, most of us will feel like we're not ready yet to cross over and answer all sorts of questions that hasn't really been tested in the exams we've sat for all our lives. And if we fail this exam...ahHhHHh....there's not exactly another sub-paper that you can take or another module to replace that glaring F you received.

Speaking of exams, I've finally conceeded that it's particularly impossible to get that out of reach dream I once had. Aiyah dun bluff me lah, you also had that dream when you entered NUs one. you know, that one. No need to say lah, embarassed already. SO yeah. I calculated, and i'd need an average CAP of 5.18/5 for the next three sems to even be close to it. So urh...forget theologically, intellectually, spiritually, and all other -allies, it's not even mathematically possible.

I can somewhat see a pattern in the mods I've taken and this are the stuff I kinda dig:

1. Evolution of culture/human civilisation
2. Literature (how ideas are translated and read through diff periods in history + how ppl think at that particular period)
3. Interpersonal communication
4. Management
5. General theories
6. Health and medicine
I should have started with a major in lit and maybe a minor in life science rather than trying to do the other way around.
Plus I wanna work in the social services industry, or rather have a job where i get to interact with ppl. Doing research is cool, and I really salute ppl who can do it 24/7, but counting bacterial colonies on nutrient agar plates just isnt...my plate of agar...(HAHA geddit, geddit?!) Maybe nursing is for me...found myself staring at them advertisements on the train ride home after my "intentionally on purpose getting lost session" at Orchard.
But still, the possibilities are endless. And I hate the idea of doing only ONE thing all my life. I'm a renaissance soul. Heh, read that somewhere in a book i picked up from Borders: someone who keeps doing different things, and can't settle on one particular passion...I mean there's like a million ways to save the earth, help the community, make soneone's day, and not to mention all the types of stuff i end up doing in school...new ppl to meet...the more radically different from me the more enticing they become...seriously...hehe...

SO ok, last pt...today, of all days, during one of my LSM lectures with the tutor, who's really good at explaining stuff agst the idea of mass tutorial, when half the cohort don't attend coz they either know all the answers or they haven't done it and will find it a waste of time if they attend, STHG HIT ME: These, right here, sitting and listening intently to her every single word, were all the MUGGERTOADS who would take over the entire SPECTRUM of A+, A, A-, B+, B and maybe even half of the B- ses. Okay, MUGGERTOADS is just too harsh a word. More like people who are focused, superliciously hardworking and know what they want from the day ONE, from the time they matriculated in, the time where we felt super-conscious about our wierd looking photos and during awkward moments in making frens.
In comparison, me being the starry-eyed, idealistic girl who was still searching...on what she wanted to do with her life: I was probably just a little, a little tad bit outta my league.
Maybe they just do deserve that honours degree a million times more than I do.

And now that I've finally gotten that out of my system, I feel much lighter. =)
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