Of Singlehood

So all this talk about getting serious with someone is beginning to get to me. Like, friends saying I should get to know this guy and that. Aights, happy couples may shoot me once I'm done, but well here's my take on things.

I feel that for this moment in time it's about being you in your own skin, without being attached to anyone else. I've always taken advice from my mom who says that you should focus on yourself before looking to perfect any relationship. All relationships would have their problems anyway, and sometimes it's an endless cycle. You have more problems coming out from insecurity, of wanting to know where you stand in each others' eyes, of argueing about what you expect out of each other, you have to deal with how you compare to his past exes, it's like creating problems and worry out of something that you know you can choose to ignore completely. And my dad says people tend to end up with people who have the same traits as themselves. The whole Iffah concept. Sometimes it's so easy to take advice from them cause I do wanna look into the future and have that ideal relationship that my parents have. 23 years from the day they got married, the romance and love is still strong. They appreciate one another for what they do and are proud to express it in front of their kids. Call me a traditionalist, but some factors in their relationship would have to work still in this day and age.

I guess I've never really realised it before, but I tend to take stuff like this seriously and well...future-orientedly. And I know sometimes I may come across as being uncertain and maybe that can send mixed signals of who I really am. But I don't find it wrong to be still looking for yourself at this age, especially in this day. Why the hurry? We're not born in our grandma's age where a girl HAS to get married or she'll have no future by societal standards. Ladies have choices now. And we'd need to choose our paths wisely, especially when you have to be stronger and certain about what you want these days before people decide it for you. I'm talking generally, like career paths, education paths, who you hang out with, what you choose to do with your free time, whether you choose to support a cause, get a part-time job, etc. There's so many things to do and so little time. And I'd rather explore all options before I settle down and get tied down to someone. Sometimes I feel relationships can get a liittle self-indulgent. You know the whole "dah makan?" concept when you pick up and ask every single detail about one's day, I just can't imagine doing that to anyone. Plus I've got enough things to occupy my time. I've got to be a part-time mom/mentor figure to my 10/13/15 year old sibs when my parents are not home, long term planning for MS stuff after exams are over, trying to think of ways on how to improve general health of singaporeans especially the Malays when I graduate but figuring it out now during the hols-there's so much potential in the life science industry that's not being explored and potentially cashed upon-in terms of health standards, education of the public and business avenues, wanna be active in international organisations too-at the bottom of the page on the left are the two mains ones I wanna go into, and help the community at large. It's fun when you get to affect positive change on someone else's lives. It's not just about doing good to be a good person, so that you know you can say you've done all that.

It's not as though I've not dreamt of some ideal conconction: I'd want someone forward-looking, expressive, romantic, opinionated, intelligent, socially aware and quick-witted. Someone who can deal with problems as they come along independently, to bounce ideas off each other, and I'd wanna be independent too. I don't wanna be weak. To digress: the main common denominator in all broken marriages is that the women were dominated by men, or they weren't strong enough to hold the home together. I'd always thought kids grow up to learn their mom's values and their dad's worldview. If your dad sees you destined to be a housewife, the child will learn to realise that as her self-fulfilling prophesy. If your mom was a strong-principled woman, you'd grow up to learn a lot from her.
Also, sometimes I tend to realise ladies that are well off & married in happy homes tend to be super busy with their new lives that they don't dabble in new hobbies, or take time to learn more about the outside world. It's like a self-made cocoon once you're settled down, cause life is just about fulfilling your husband's needs. Fair enough, that's important. But...you know, being socially aware and active is important too. Every single hand and brain matters, especially in our community.

On the other hand, maybe I've just given up on any hope for now. There's a million things to catch on anyway, so why bother? And not that I'm being egoistic or anything, but I just feel self-assured that somehow in someway I'd end up with someone before alarm bells go ringing. I mean, life's not how every princess wishes it to be, and i know I lack total experience in that aspect and I do care, but somehow, I'm not worried about not being with anyone for now. Sometimes I feel people tie themselves down just to be seen as cool to be together with someone, cause it's like everyone's doing it, or to know that you have someone to depend on, when they're actually just tieing themselves down.

SO... if you're out there and single, trust me, I feel you have SO much more in life to live and give. =)