The Mental Prostitute

Sometimes, I feel that I'm giving into things around me that are much less worthy of my time, energy and mental space. Much like a socially undesirable entity whose presence awash the streets of Geylang, I trade my true worth for something much far less, to scrape through a mere substinence, but come out of it feeling cheated and a greater sense of self-worthlessness.

Watching American Idol, hoping to catcha glimpse of brilliance from performers to make my day, reading blogs to get inspiration, surfing friendster...

Just to come out feeling that I've wasted one precious hour subscribing my mind to blind entertainment, only to end up with a constricted gut, arterioles and air passages when i come across something that I don't agree with, feeling incredulous about the ways some wax lyrical about themselves.

Anyway this is one quote that's in my pencilbox right now:
If it had been Allah's Plan or Will not to grant the limited Free Will He has granted to man, His omnipotence could have made all man alike: all would then have had Faith, but that Faith would have reflected no merit on them. In the actual world as it is, man has been endowed with various faculties and capacities so that he should strive and explore, and bring himself into harmony with Allah's Will. Hence, Faith becomes a moral achievement. To creatures endowed with Will, Faith this comes out of an active use of that Will.

But we must not be so arrogant as to suppose that that is enough. At best, man is weak and in need of Allah's grace and help. If we sincerely wish to understand, He will help our Faith, but if not, our doubts and difficulties will only be increased, in the process of understanding.

This follows a necessary consequence, and in Quranic language, all consequences are ascribed to Allah, Causes of Causes.

=)

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and so that was my day.

actually, I have a confession to make!

I'm actually trying to remove all the negative posts such that it will move to the next page and never be seen again! well unless u archive it lah... and leaving a huge blank space does NOT work...so hmmm...let's talk about...things that has happened in the semester...

haha this is for friends who I know don't read my blog anyway...


1. There's this really amazing groupmate that I have that I really look up to. It's like he's the conflict manager of the group. On the day just before our presentation, we were having a really stressful time ironing out the details of our game and two of our groupmates got into an argument over how things should be(btw, the issue was: should we have more money or satisfaction points? heh). Tempers were running high, and tolerance levels were reaLLY low. He actually took a mental step back (and physically too) and tried to make us see each others points by bringing out each of our salient points. And it turned out all fine. How cool is that! haha. But besides that, there are other good qualities as well. I would set up a fan club if not for the lack of funds to support it.

2. Did out my resume and cover letter stuff partially for prof comm for science students, but at the back of my mind I took it seriously lah coz well, I am gonna show it to a few people who just might look down their noses at me and shrink me to the size of a dust particle. I think it's a fairly realistic assessment of myself, and I'm happy with it, even though I'd be short of putting it up online for public comments.

3. haiyoh. i really can't think of things to talk abt anymore. oh! I NEED TO EXERCISE.

wheee! haha. gosh it's 3.25am exactly and...I've decided not to sleep because if I do I'd only have 3 hours of sleep, and gosh, the feeling of waking up THEN has no words to describe. So I'd rather stay up the whole night trying to do things that I've been procrastinating, or wouldn't usually be doing, like blogging. haha.

Been having a lot of happy moments lately. A lot of which I can't recall what exactly, but it just leaves me with a smile...haha moments with su, sharing sessions with shaz, online binging sessions, dumb comments with marlini.. haiyoh.

Now that I'm up, no thanks to the coffee I had earlier, I don't know what to blog about. mayybe I should do something more productive instead. mhmmm hee

Don't lose your way, with each passing day

Gosh, how time flies and it's already 6 weeks before the end of the semester. (And that includes exams too.)

You know how sometimes you just think too much, but somehow when you look back everything just falls into place and you know at that particular juncture, THAT which had happened was supposed to happen only at that particular point in time, in your life.

I've given up looking too much into what's in store for me if I do this, if I am for that. Calculate this, worry that. I know I'll never be as good if I compare myself to the ambitions that others hold for themselves. I'd need to have my own ambitions, my own path, and that can only happen if I know myself better.

I think what works best for me, is to see what I want to explore and delve into. I've always been seeking for more intrinsic reasons, and I guess nobody can help me with that. :)