Sometimes it doesn't help to be a helpless romantic and be such an analytical thinker both. You can go to such extremes and play all the wrong things at the worst of times. And make yourself go bonkers feeling hurt and pain when to someone else it's all just another moment in life to look behind on, having moved on, tt was sthg SO way passe.
Aiyah. Get a life lah Aisyah.
Moving on! okay yesterday was a good nite staying over at Mars' place in johore. had a nice relaxed time with frens n ppl i just met. thanks mars for inviting me over, and the rest as well for the funny ideas to entertain ourselves and the kids. haha. too bad some of us fell asleep so soon, the air con in the room was so shiok...but things went as they shud, and everyone had fun..
saw beautiful fireworks! actually i've never been a fan of fireworks. like i was on the packed bridge on national day two years back and it was SO damn crowded and all i wanted was to get to city hall mrt from the merlion, but i couldnt move coz everyone was rooted on the spot staring at the sky.
But yesterday was different. It was like seeing those artistic bursts of light from new eyes, something both symbolic of power, richness of tradition and festivity in a nation where you are the minority.
Happy Chinese New Year people, both Malaysians and Singaporeans alike =)
working on personal stuff which i neglected sometime back...still a long way to go to get them right back on track. but I'm not giving up...
and right now gotta get back to the concept ppr for our latest project in june. tataz=)
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Crushed.
Yadabladaboo=(
I hate thinking abt these things cause they have no answers and u'll just go ard beating abt the bush until u're direct with one another and there's no chance of THAT ever occuring coz well. There's a communication problem i presume.
I thought I was strong enough to not get involved in these sticky issues this sem but apparently not enough. URhhhhh only you can get urself out of the crunch and let the pain be ur elixair...I wanna shoot down all the butterflies in my stomach just to feel acid running down the sides..
In this mood I just hate those perfect people in perfect relationships running along living their perfect lives. *no offense whatsoever to those perfect people running their perfect lives*
Focus. Focus. Either than or learn to multi task.
I hate thinking abt these things cause they have no answers and u'll just go ard beating abt the bush until u're direct with one another and there's no chance of THAT ever occuring coz well. There's a communication problem i presume.
I thought I was strong enough to not get involved in these sticky issues this sem but apparently not enough. URhhhhh only you can get urself out of the crunch and let the pain be ur elixair...I wanna shoot down all the butterflies in my stomach just to feel acid running down the sides..
In this mood I just hate those perfect people in perfect relationships running along living their perfect lives. *no offense whatsoever to those perfect people running their perfect lives*
Focus. Focus. Either than or learn to multi task.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
nice quote!
creation
I am a choreographer. A choreographer is a poet. I do not create. God creates. I assemble, and I will steal from everywhere to do it.
-George Balanchine
We have so many tools to work with when we create, and one of them is our intelligence. We get an idea, and that is the spark that sends our creativity into play. We figure out how to get something done, how we can make something better, more efficient, more productive, or more beautiful.
-Lissa Coffey
I finally did what I've been wanting to do for so long!!! ANd it turned out alright!!! *wheee*
Been meeting up with old acquaintances and friends. Thanks gurls for making it all worthwhile..things will get better and be like as before.:) To everyone I met over the past weekend; it was FUN meeting up with u again!! hehe..my rg frens, tpjc frens and some nus peeps...
and the worse promise to break is a promise to yourself...:( *boo*
I am a choreographer. A choreographer is a poet. I do not create. God creates. I assemble, and I will steal from everywhere to do it.
-George Balanchine
We have so many tools to work with when we create, and one of them is our intelligence. We get an idea, and that is the spark that sends our creativity into play. We figure out how to get something done, how we can make something better, more efficient, more productive, or more beautiful.
-Lissa Coffey
I finally did what I've been wanting to do for so long!!! ANd it turned out alright!!! *wheee*
Been meeting up with old acquaintances and friends. Thanks gurls for making it all worthwhile..things will get better and be like as before.:) To everyone I met over the past weekend; it was FUN meeting up with u again!! hehe..my rg frens, tpjc frens and some nus peeps...
and the worse promise to break is a promise to yourself...:( *boo*
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Dialecticism
Finally realise why I've been having writer's block in the past few days. (Not that I'm much of a writer.) Whenever I wanna blog it just get scared that it'll not come out the way I want it to.And finally I kinda understand why: it's coz I've not understood my purpose of writing. Of late I've just been ranting out my feelings and, through all that's have happened (all the confrontations and truth and such) maybe everything isn't so aligned together anymore.
Previously it was just a whole mess, coupled with hazy boundaries. Now it's all placed in between one another, like kuih lapis. I'm not in the right, and maybe I don't need to be...Every situation is different, every moment embraces you in a different way. Every person has their own perspectives and will never truly understand you the way you want them to no matter how hard you make believe you can make them understand. We're all just born different. There's no start to my search, and probably no end. Maybe it seems I'm not moving forward, or more than that moving backwards a million steps. But trust me when I say that I try. Maybe thus far I'm more of a talker analyser say it all but not doing anything kinda gurl. And it takes a true friend to wake me out of this walking unconsciousness.
Right now, I don't wanna say too much out loud for fear of making any more promises that I'd most likely break. But that's okay...I don't think I'm being selfish that way...What I think may not necessarily be who I am anyway...I don't subscribe to such thinking...
I really don't know what to say. To a large extent I've been brought up to live up to other people's expectations. I know it's irresponsible to see things that way, it's as though I have no control over your life.
But alright, I've come to two conclusions so far:
1) Insecurity is the root of all my problems: Friendships, ambitions, my personality, my existence, my relations with God and everything else in this world.
2) I'd stop thinking about unnecessary littlethings in life that used to bugg me SO much and focus on the more important things that really matter-which actually amount to only 4 concentric circles. =)
Previously it was just a whole mess, coupled with hazy boundaries. Now it's all placed in between one another, like kuih lapis. I'm not in the right, and maybe I don't need to be...Every situation is different, every moment embraces you in a different way. Every person has their own perspectives and will never truly understand you the way you want them to no matter how hard you make believe you can make them understand. We're all just born different. There's no start to my search, and probably no end. Maybe it seems I'm not moving forward, or more than that moving backwards a million steps. But trust me when I say that I try. Maybe thus far I'm more of a talker analyser say it all but not doing anything kinda gurl. And it takes a true friend to wake me out of this walking unconsciousness.
Right now, I don't wanna say too much out loud for fear of making any more promises that I'd most likely break. But that's okay...I don't think I'm being selfish that way...What I think may not necessarily be who I am anyway...I don't subscribe to such thinking...
I really don't know what to say. To a large extent I've been brought up to live up to other people's expectations. I know it's irresponsible to see things that way, it's as though I have no control over your life.
But alright, I've come to two conclusions so far:
1) Insecurity is the root of all my problems: Friendships, ambitions, my personality, my existence, my relations with God and everything else in this world.
2) I'd stop thinking about unnecessary littlethings in life that used to bugg me SO much and focus on the more important things that really matter-which actually amount to only 4 concentric circles. =)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Creating creativeness...
Was having a heated debate online with dayana on the similarities of some girls from a particular school.
My arguement was:
What all these girls have in common is that they are too technical. They focus too much on getting things right that they ignore what are the possibilities that they come across, other perspectives to do things, that eliminates creativity and breeds a culture where there are rigid rules for working and people are afraid to cross those rules because no one is open to it.
For example; a friend wants to study together, but the friend she wants to study with is a major slacker in that module. Instead of motivating that friend along and helping her wherever she can, she totally avoids the friend because she feels that varying from her learning style is not going to be so good for her in the end.
Her arguement was:
Girls from that school have been guided to be efficient and effective and as such avoids pitfalls where the risk is very high and venturing into it is a no-no.
Ok, fine. Nobody would want to walk straight into the lion's den. But my ideal is, what has never been done in the past may not necessarily mean it can't be done in the future. I mean who defines what makes sthg work? It's societal acceptability right? And who defines societal acceptability? US!!
Point being, the past should only act as a guide for the future, not a drawing board where the parameters have already been set.
Maybe that has been what's guiding me in recent years. That's why I'm always jumping from one thing to the next. I'm not really a plodder. More of an experimenter. But I know ppl get exasperated with me coz I never get the previous work done efficiently.
(which I do sit myself down and try to get it done sometimes!)
I'll never fully know my limits and will keep exploring them until I get tired. And I get jaded if I can't jump into sthg new from time to time. It's my adrenalin, my power, my goal...
My arguement was:
What all these girls have in common is that they are too technical. They focus too much on getting things right that they ignore what are the possibilities that they come across, other perspectives to do things, that eliminates creativity and breeds a culture where there are rigid rules for working and people are afraid to cross those rules because no one is open to it.
For example; a friend wants to study together, but the friend she wants to study with is a major slacker in that module. Instead of motivating that friend along and helping her wherever she can, she totally avoids the friend because she feels that varying from her learning style is not going to be so good for her in the end.
Her arguement was:
Girls from that school have been guided to be efficient and effective and as such avoids pitfalls where the risk is very high and venturing into it is a no-no.
Ok, fine. Nobody would want to walk straight into the lion's den. But my ideal is, what has never been done in the past may not necessarily mean it can't be done in the future. I mean who defines what makes sthg work? It's societal acceptability right? And who defines societal acceptability? US!!
Point being, the past should only act as a guide for the future, not a drawing board where the parameters have already been set.
Maybe that has been what's guiding me in recent years. That's why I'm always jumping from one thing to the next. I'm not really a plodder. More of an experimenter. But I know ppl get exasperated with me coz I never get the previous work done efficiently.
(which I do sit myself down and try to get it done sometimes!)
I'll never fully know my limits and will keep exploring them until I get tired. And I get jaded if I can't jump into sthg new from time to time. It's my adrenalin, my power, my goal...
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
randomness
i pledge not to be an outright bitch this semester.
ok, not that ive been one, but i can impatient at times to ppl who are really too patient towards me. You know who you are.
I must must must must not take ppl close to me for granted anymore.
Anyway, I dont really do yearly updates anymore. Since my birthday coincides with the first week of every semester 1, I tend to start anew at that period of time, so yup my resolutions are still in the running.
Anyhows, this (academic year) I'm proud to know tt the little voice inside my head has grown louder. that little voice aint so overwhelmed and moven out and exasperated by the cacaphony of voices in my head anymore.
so yeay. and i've come to realise with everything that's given to you,
God has actually tailor made your challenges, especially for you.
There's no other way to see it.
Interwoven your parchment of threads into the web of life.
Everyone, together.
But your thickness of thread (passion), your colour of thread (intention)and material (actions) are mostly determined by you.
Not that He doesn't know all that.
But ultimately, You have a choice.
I pledge to be less influenced by hedonism this year.
Hedonism. word of january 2006. hehe.
How can we find ways to make stuff interesting and fun but learn at the same time?
and my little bro shall be my experimental "rat". wee hehe..
everytime i come back from the holdays i get so swiped up by romantic ideas (its the scenery i tell you, it's so out of this world that u tend to think of alternatives) that i kinda leave the world tt im living in until i get run over by reality i lose hope so fast the nostalgia evaporates quickly.
so this time, i tried to get back to reality while hope was still there.
and i realise: that i still need time to think it over.
but hedonistic attitudes must not persist.
whee.
told u tt little voice was creeping out on me.
creepy.
ok, not that ive been one, but i can impatient at times to ppl who are really too patient towards me. You know who you are.
I must must must must not take ppl close to me for granted anymore.
Anyway, I dont really do yearly updates anymore. Since my birthday coincides with the first week of every semester 1, I tend to start anew at that period of time, so yup my resolutions are still in the running.
Anyhows, this (academic year) I'm proud to know tt the little voice inside my head has grown louder. that little voice aint so overwhelmed and moven out and exasperated by the cacaphony of voices in my head anymore.
so yeay. and i've come to realise with everything that's given to you,
God has actually tailor made your challenges, especially for you.
There's no other way to see it.
Interwoven your parchment of threads into the web of life.
Everyone, together.
But your thickness of thread (passion), your colour of thread (intention)and material (actions) are mostly determined by you.
Not that He doesn't know all that.
But ultimately, You have a choice.
I pledge to be less influenced by hedonism this year.
Hedonism. word of january 2006. hehe.
How can we find ways to make stuff interesting and fun but learn at the same time?
and my little bro shall be my experimental "rat". wee hehe..
everytime i come back from the holdays i get so swiped up by romantic ideas (its the scenery i tell you, it's so out of this world that u tend to think of alternatives) that i kinda leave the world tt im living in until i get run over by reality i lose hope so fast the nostalgia evaporates quickly.
so this time, i tried to get back to reality while hope was still there.
and i realise: that i still need time to think it over.
but hedonistic attitudes must not persist.
whee.
told u tt little voice was creeping out on me.
creepy.
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