Dialecticism

Finally realise why I've been having writer's block in the past few days. (Not that I'm much of a writer.) Whenever I wanna blog it just get scared that it'll not come out the way I want it to.And finally I kinda understand why: it's coz I've not understood my purpose of writing. Of late I've just been ranting out my feelings and, through all that's have happened (all the confrontations and truth and such) maybe everything isn't so aligned together anymore.

Previously it was just a whole mess, coupled with hazy boundaries. Now it's all placed in between one another, like kuih lapis. I'm not in the right, and maybe I don't need to be...Every situation is different, every moment embraces you in a different way. Every person has their own perspectives and will never truly understand you the way you want them to no matter how hard you make believe you can make them understand. We're all just born different. There's no start to my search, and probably no end. Maybe it seems I'm not moving forward, or more than that moving backwards a million steps. But trust me when I say that I try. Maybe thus far I'm more of a talker analyser say it all but not doing anything kinda gurl. And it takes a true friend to wake me out of this walking unconsciousness.

Right now, I don't wanna say too much out loud for fear of making any more promises that I'd most likely break. But that's okay...I don't think I'm being selfish that way...What I think may not necessarily be who I am anyway...I don't subscribe to such thinking...

I really don't know what to say. To a large extent I've been brought up to live up to other people's expectations. I know it's irresponsible to see things that way, it's as though I have no control over your life.

But alright, I've come to two conclusions so far:
1) Insecurity is the root of all my problems: Friendships, ambitions, my personality, my existence, my relations with God and everything else in this world.

2) I'd stop thinking about unnecessary littlethings in life that used to bugg me SO much and focus on the more important things that really matter-which actually amount to only 4 concentric circles. =)