bum bum bum

i have realised that...if one doesn't have feelings for someone, nothing in the whole world can force that. unless you're rationale enough to believe your feelings are less important than practicality. which like not many ppl are as noble as that. but i hope this changes as i grow older. i dun wanna be so superficial. haha, oh wdheck.

anyway! it's OVER! OVER OVER! *does the sunshine dance* i just superhope can pass everything. like all i need right now is to just do at least least lllleeeeeeaaaast that. esp for my major mods, which are totally killing me this sem. and last. and the sem before that. urgh...

totally bumming session with marls, yunni, zaty, susu and syasya tdy after ppr! it was hot to bum after SO totally long. like gazillions of light years ago did i bum as much. took a stroll towards esplanade after dinner at siam kitchen...weather was gorgeous-haha su's fav word for everyone!-and unfortunately we had to destroy the atmosphere for all the loving couples there. and there was this bunch of ang mohs that actually STOPPED and stared at us taking photos. but the best part was just...i don't know.... like not worrying about anything. living for the moment and momentarily letting everything pass as it is. i think it's called "relax" by most people. that was fun. haha.

mills of things to do for now. but the first most urgent thang is ...to READ!!!!=)

eeeks!

eeks! 28 hrs to my last paper and 30 hrs to freedom!!

went jogging this morning! more of like strolling and walking down bedok rise, towards dee's block, called her a dozen times(ok, twice) and msged but no amt of bombardment can awaken that gurl if she decides to sleep thru the morning...went under her window (she lives on the 2nd floor so i could have started throwing stones if I wanted to) and stared thru it and the vibes were more towards "leave me alone! I'm not for jogging this morning!" so well...rather lonely walked all the way down the backyards of siglap (I found a new back alley!!) towards bedok jetty and then all the way down to macs coz i was craving for macs breakfast...and unfortunately could only afford a meagre sausage mcmuffin..pathetic breakfast...then as I was jumping happily on the way back I tripped and sprained my ankle!! and scabbed my knee on the other leg. so went home with slightly torn pants and a throbbing ankle.

so that was my morning. i think i need to find a new bedok fren to hooray hooray on mornings in case dee can't make it. or we can all hooray hooray together. problem is, the closest person i can think of is marlini who's nursing an injured knee in pasir ris, or sha...who has a hubby cum exercise parner and yani...who...prefers upper class gymming and doesn't like to run.

SO ANYWAY!

1) Been watching too many reality shows!! American Idol: totally rooting for elliot even thou chris and katherine will be the top two. Elliot's just sooooo honest. hehe. Anugerah skrin: love the format of the show. thou i think it lacks publicity off suria (the official website is like uberbasic), and the contestants should be confident enough at this level to practise on their own tonnes of times and have backup of what to say. but their efforts are commendable i guess, bet if i was up there, i'd be stuttering 3 worded sentences...hope they can show their mettle and improve for the next few episodes thou..

2) I am so in awe and enormously grateful to my kind kind cell bio prof who can simple allow his students to msg him at all times of the day!!! i bet he'd reply a question on GPCR signalling even at 3 am in the morning!! now THAT's what i call a true educator. one who never says no to students who wanna learn more.. meeting him at 330 l8r for some last minute concept revisions that i just can't get...

3) Can't wait for exams to be over!! 27.5 hrs!!!! Then I can finally go to a rally and cheer for the opposition!! haha. ok lah, they still put up a good fight right even thou no novel ideas have come up yet to really take them seriously. I mean "You have a choice"...sure, technically i do. But realistically, an alternative voice should come with alternative novel solutions that are on par with PAP standards that are able to convice the people that that's a better route. So until then, no harm supporting for the underdogs right? =)

4) I need to study!!!! 27.4 hrs!!!!

fast

first two papers were okay, three more to go. was ok actually...would like to give credit to siti aisyah for actually studying for her exams this time around. but still, I can't wait for this sem to be simply OVER. In fact, I can't wait for everything to be over so that I can just drop and run away. Just let go of the bonds that tie my hands down. Just simply to let go and break free.

I admire people who can see the goodness in others.

and to each, it's own. all that i write simply pertains to MY life. I don't seek to impose. I'm only criticising my own life. So bear with me ya.

can't wait can't wait can't wait...

Of Singlehood

So all this talk about getting serious with someone is beginning to get to me. Like, friends saying I should get to know this guy and that. Aights, happy couples may shoot me once I'm done, but well here's my take on things.

I feel that for this moment in time it's about being you in your own skin, without being attached to anyone else. I've always taken advice from my mom who says that you should focus on yourself before looking to perfect any relationship. All relationships would have their problems anyway, and sometimes it's an endless cycle. You have more problems coming out from insecurity, of wanting to know where you stand in each others' eyes, of argueing about what you expect out of each other, you have to deal with how you compare to his past exes, it's like creating problems and worry out of something that you know you can choose to ignore completely. And my dad says people tend to end up with people who have the same traits as themselves. The whole Iffah concept. Sometimes it's so easy to take advice from them cause I do wanna look into the future and have that ideal relationship that my parents have. 23 years from the day they got married, the romance and love is still strong. They appreciate one another for what they do and are proud to express it in front of their kids. Call me a traditionalist, but some factors in their relationship would have to work still in this day and age.

I guess I've never really realised it before, but I tend to take stuff like this seriously and well...future-orientedly. And I know sometimes I may come across as being uncertain and maybe that can send mixed signals of who I really am. But I don't find it wrong to be still looking for yourself at this age, especially in this day. Why the hurry? We're not born in our grandma's age where a girl HAS to get married or she'll have no future by societal standards. Ladies have choices now. And we'd need to choose our paths wisely, especially when you have to be stronger and certain about what you want these days before people decide it for you. I'm talking generally, like career paths, education paths, who you hang out with, what you choose to do with your free time, whether you choose to support a cause, get a part-time job, etc. There's so many things to do and so little time. And I'd rather explore all options before I settle down and get tied down to someone. Sometimes I feel relationships can get a liittle self-indulgent. You know the whole "dah makan?" concept when you pick up and ask every single detail about one's day, I just can't imagine doing that to anyone. Plus I've got enough things to occupy my time. I've got to be a part-time mom/mentor figure to my 10/13/15 year old sibs when my parents are not home, long term planning for MS stuff after exams are over, trying to think of ways on how to improve general health of singaporeans especially the Malays when I graduate but figuring it out now during the hols-there's so much potential in the life science industry that's not being explored and potentially cashed upon-in terms of health standards, education of the public and business avenues, wanna be active in international organisations too-at the bottom of the page on the left are the two mains ones I wanna go into, and help the community at large. It's fun when you get to affect positive change on someone else's lives. It's not just about doing good to be a good person, so that you know you can say you've done all that.

It's not as though I've not dreamt of some ideal conconction: I'd want someone forward-looking, expressive, romantic, opinionated, intelligent, socially aware and quick-witted. Someone who can deal with problems as they come along independently, to bounce ideas off each other, and I'd wanna be independent too. I don't wanna be weak. To digress: the main common denominator in all broken marriages is that the women were dominated by men, or they weren't strong enough to hold the home together. I'd always thought kids grow up to learn their mom's values and their dad's worldview. If your dad sees you destined to be a housewife, the child will learn to realise that as her self-fulfilling prophesy. If your mom was a strong-principled woman, you'd grow up to learn a lot from her.
Also, sometimes I tend to realise ladies that are well off & married in happy homes tend to be super busy with their new lives that they don't dabble in new hobbies, or take time to learn more about the outside world. It's like a self-made cocoon once you're settled down, cause life is just about fulfilling your husband's needs. Fair enough, that's important. But...you know, being socially aware and active is important too. Every single hand and brain matters, especially in our community.

On the other hand, maybe I've just given up on any hope for now. There's a million things to catch on anyway, so why bother? And not that I'm being egoistic or anything, but I just feel self-assured that somehow in someway I'd end up with someone before alarm bells go ringing. I mean, life's not how every princess wishes it to be, and i know I lack total experience in that aspect and I do care, but somehow, I'm not worried about not being with anyone for now. Sometimes I feel people tie themselves down just to be seen as cool to be together with someone, cause it's like everyone's doing it, or to know that you have someone to depend on, when they're actually just tieing themselves down.

SO... if you're out there and single, trust me, I feel you have SO much more in life to live and give. =)

BOO!

OK! i've decided to take a break from personal stuff right now...coz i've pretty much not decided on how to take it all yet until it's all internalised, digested and absorbed by my little brain...but until then!!

1. LOST recaps
It's a total blow-by-blow account of ALL the LOST episodes that have been shown in the US, which is like 15 episodes ahead of us. 15!!! so u can imagine how much information you can get from reading this! weehehehe...Issues like: did jack and kate finally hit it off? did they find the "others"? Why did desmond actually have to press the button every 108 mins, and if he doesn't would the whole island actually explode? And while reading u can somewhat make connections to life. some things to pander abt: Pressing the button=paranoia to do something because people tell you to, and you don't wanna take the risk of not taking the right path; the tailies (those that landed on the island with the tail end of the plane) and the headies (no 2nd guesses) ending up with totally different turnouts simply cause of their environments= evolution of society due to their surroundings; the development of leadership, the issues dealing with survival, the paranoia of humans and paralells in relating their current experiences with their past experiences. WAY HOT. and somewhere read that the sound that the island makes sounds like MRI, done to scan cancer tumours, ie. some HUGE scanning machine that can trek down where everyone is. CREEPY.

2. dressupgames.com

As the title states, you can play ALL kinds of dressing up games, from dressing up to prom, to make up, to fancy dress parties, to dressing up horses, and even wierd looking creatures like rabbits (that look like playboy rabbits come to think of it) and fairies. Pure fun or for any gurl who needs help to decide on her new look this coming hols.hehehe. Mah sis afiyah/fifi/kutil introduced me to it and she's got me addicted. she's like 13 btw. and no i don't think i had a deprived childhood, but i would have serious doubts about this now that i'm addicted. ~*

was so nice so see everyone again at Ramen 10. and the food is absolutely tear jerking. definitely going back there again.

ALL THE BEST FOR EXAMS ppl! just think of the 3 months of pure bliss when its ALLLL overr............

Death

Death. Don't you just keep hearing about it all around nowadays? Someone just told me that her friend's sister died, and she was just a few years' older than us. Cause unknown yet to us, cause she's not that close to that friend.

To me, death seems to be an abstract concept. I've never lost a close loved one before. Not even a peer that I really truly knew. The last time a really close relative died, it was my arwah grandpa, my second one on my paternal side as my granny married twice, and i was young and naive enough to be more preoccupied with the cockroach stuck in the kemenyan holder than to grieve solemnly over the dead body just two metres away.

If anyone of my relatives passed away, I wouldn't know what to think or do.
But why do people have to die?
MAH THEORY:
Well it's sthg that's somewhat like the law of diminishing returns in economics. Or rather an anti-law of it. You can't have too much of a good thing otherwise you'd take it for granted.
The one who's passed on into the afterlife has no more chances in this one. i.e. GONE. KA-BAM! CLOSED ACCOUNTS, SORRY NO MORE CHECKING IN OF ACCOUNT BALANCES! The only way he can continue his good deeds would be only 3 particularly fragile ways: through his descendents, good things that come out from his wealth, and knowledge that was passed on during his lifetime.
Another simple answer would be cause God wants us living ones to realise that everything comes from Him. He will take away what He wishes and we have no say nor control over the matter.
We all have a real life ticking clock right within us, above us, around us, guiding along our lives til the very end. And at the finishing line, most of us will feel like we're not ready yet to cross over and answer all sorts of questions that hasn't really been tested in the exams we've sat for all our lives. And if we fail this exam...ahHhHHh....there's not exactly another sub-paper that you can take or another module to replace that glaring F you received.

Speaking of exams, I've finally conceeded that it's particularly impossible to get that out of reach dream I once had. Aiyah dun bluff me lah, you also had that dream when you entered NUs one. you know, that one. No need to say lah, embarassed already. SO yeah. I calculated, and i'd need an average CAP of 5.18/5 for the next three sems to even be close to it. So urh...forget theologically, intellectually, spiritually, and all other -allies, it's not even mathematically possible.

I can somewhat see a pattern in the mods I've taken and this are the stuff I kinda dig:

1. Evolution of culture/human civilisation
2. Literature (how ideas are translated and read through diff periods in history + how ppl think at that particular period)
3. Interpersonal communication
4. Management
5. General theories
6. Health and medicine
I should have started with a major in lit and maybe a minor in life science rather than trying to do the other way around.
Plus I wanna work in the social services industry, or rather have a job where i get to interact with ppl. Doing research is cool, and I really salute ppl who can do it 24/7, but counting bacterial colonies on nutrient agar plates just isnt...my plate of agar...(HAHA geddit, geddit?!) Maybe nursing is for me...found myself staring at them advertisements on the train ride home after my "intentionally on purpose getting lost session" at Orchard.
But still, the possibilities are endless. And I hate the idea of doing only ONE thing all my life. I'm a renaissance soul. Heh, read that somewhere in a book i picked up from Borders: someone who keeps doing different things, and can't settle on one particular passion...I mean there's like a million ways to save the earth, help the community, make soneone's day, and not to mention all the types of stuff i end up doing in school...new ppl to meet...the more radically different from me the more enticing they become...seriously...hehe...

SO ok, last pt...today, of all days, during one of my LSM lectures with the tutor, who's really good at explaining stuff agst the idea of mass tutorial, when half the cohort don't attend coz they either know all the answers or they haven't done it and will find it a waste of time if they attend, STHG HIT ME: These, right here, sitting and listening intently to her every single word, were all the MUGGERTOADS who would take over the entire SPECTRUM of A+, A, A-, B+, B and maybe even half of the B- ses. Okay, MUGGERTOADS is just too harsh a word. More like people who are focused, superliciously hardworking and know what they want from the day ONE, from the time they matriculated in, the time where we felt super-conscious about our wierd looking photos and during awkward moments in making frens.
In comparison, me being the starry-eyed, idealistic girl who was still searching...on what she wanted to do with her life: I was probably just a little, a little tad bit outta my league.
Maybe they just do deserve that honours degree a million times more than I do.

And now that I've finally gotten that out of my system, I feel much lighter. =)
=)

=)

omg! i just did a partial haiku by accident!! hahahahahhahaha.
sorry. im really stressed. my intellectually stimulating posts would be back very soon. meanwhile im off to tahiti with 2103.

omg another haiku!

Claching

Have you ever felt sometimes that just as everything is crystal clear and intact, it all shatters down like glass shards being broken into a thousand pieces?

Cracking, shaking, shattering, falling.

KA-CLUNK!

BOOM!BANG!BOOOSH!



Brain-dead.

The Newest Testament

5 things I've learnt in the past year:

5. My brother has the ability to communicate with me quite well. And vice versa, if i judge his moods and reactions correctly. And with that suddenly everything falls into place, and family's my second priority right now after God and personal self development. OCS family day was great! Had prata in the canteen when my sis popped the ultimate question:
Afiyah: Eh, why NS guys must cut their hair ah?
Me: So that when they crawl under the bushes then they don't get stuck there.
Afiyah: Oh later if they get stuck under the bushes then the person behind them push then their heads get cut off and remain hanging under the bushes ah? (Morbid!)
Adilah: (trying to come up with a better reason) So that they cannot keep weapons in their hair...(come to think of it isnt tt a good thing??)
Luqman: Otherwise they all become afro ppl when they go into the jungle...like in LOST...

KWANG KWANG...damn lame seh...

4. Everyone's got something that they see that others won't be able to see. Their own hidden talent. But how much you're able to express it depends on the need, the want and the will.

3. [editted]I've learnt the true meaning of friendship. It's about giving, and by chance or calculated risk, getting something back in return. Sorry if I've offended anyone in the earlier point. I guess I've got to manage how to handle certain kinds of people. But I've forgiven. Life goes on.

2. I get bored when i can't overanalyse. And i don't like being told what to do. I guess i've discovered my new control freak streak. but it's not really a control freak streak. it's more like an idealistic version of a control freak streak, so until i can find a proper name to term it i shall call it the aisyah streak.

1. I'm finally doing something meaningful in my life, I've found what I want to do. My niche. I guess the secret is just to continue doing what you love, despite what others have to say about it. And believeing in your dreams no matter what.

So screw all the critics. I'm jamming to the voice within.

Anyway tdy right after metabolism lecture (which ended at 10 am!)i suddenly had the urge to get down to tampines interchange macs and have breakfast. Sya couldn't understand the happiness on my face at such an abstract idea. It was refreshing I tell ya. Just get out of the whole jin bang rat race of things and sit and stare and see normal people dealing with everyday issues. And trying to read, well, them. It was hot. Recommended to anyone who's got the urge to relax. =)

narcissistic-escapisim

ok la, the post on not being malay is a bit exaggerated. so i take it back..somewhat. i mean, you know, im still 25% javanese-sumatran.. (berkirer sak budak nie)

looked thru my kid photos. when i was like just born. and discovered some shocking things:

shock #1: I learnt how to smile when i was 4 months! and all this while i was deluded that i leart only when i was 16 when my braces fell off! (still remember farah saying "why do u look like you're in pain when you smile?!" coz i used to not show my teeth and the edges of my mouth turned down..hahahaha so somehow i forgot how to smile growing up...

shock #2: urh actually this one not shock one. it's more like a sudden realisation as i flipped thru the pages. at 4 i was still celebrating my birthday with a huge 4-shaped bday cake with my parents and aunts and uncles at my granny's hse..katerkan..eldest cousin kan..so macam growing up with so many ppl doting on you...

and then suddenly the people disappeared. the celebrations and outings became less. the everyone smiling to the camera happily pictures became more disparate.

and i couldn't help bursting out in tears...all these years i felt neglected not coz they didn't love me anymore and i felt that sudden form of neglect and loneliness all these years growing up with broken promises and missing people...it was the shift tt affected me. because i was given so much to begin with. the sudden loss made it feel all the more empty.

new families, work, self-developments, other commitments.

I've only realised what caused all that confusion, only now.

Just cause people don't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they can.

You dont know what you've got 'til it's gone.

The more you have, the more pain you feel when it's lost. And in the confusion you'll always have that ideal to get back the ideal of the way things were.

revival of the simplistic mind

Two things:

1. Having high expectations is a good thing only if you internalise the reasons for wanting to do so. was reading some random juniors' blogs and the memories came flooding back. what am i doing now that's so recurrent and what can i do to change anything i'd want to?

2. Having everything doesn't mean you're gonna make use of it wisely. You may even take it for granted. or worse, be riak about it.

just a constant reminder to myself.

anyway to random wierd mean people who get a perverse triumphant feeling from leaving anonymous statements on my post (including the birthday wish from last year AND the random input on my johari's window), please, if ure not gonna tell me who you are then do find something meaningful to do with ur life. it's sincerely for your own good too, you know.

i always get ideas to blog but soon forget when i sit in front of them comp. sigh, not fated la huh.

family

i'm really proud of my siblings. they're beginning to come to their own and show a sense of independence and forming their own mind and world view. which im totally in approval of.

though we may all come from totally different social circles and framework, there's just a common understanding, probably infused from our parents. its comforting somewhat, coz i just feel that my family isn't like most other malay families. we're just a little different.

i think i can place it on idealism. my parent's are those that infuse us with big ideas and ideals, and though they do acknowledge constraints like the education system and money matters, they still let us do what we feel is morally right, as well as things to maximise our potential in the long run. as individuals in all dimensions. plus the fact that we're not culturally rooted in the malay dimensions. i mean, to me being malay is a simply related to language. all those customs are mostly what third cousins practice, or my parent's colleagues if they invite us over for weddings. the malay world view is as personal to me as the reason why medieval monks keep beating themselves. well, aside from the fact that the people i sort of see often are practising it. and you don't see monks beating themselves in public nowadays.

but of course from language comes a certain understanding of how we see the world. thus romantic malay notions relating to surrounding nature, esp the beach. hehe. di tepi pantai...

pragmatism doesn't rule in my family. it's just a consequence of survival.

and even thou i've been having wierd ideas of late of settling down after marriage to become a full time housewife(it's wierd for me, trust me) i realise the best way is just what my mom's doing now. not only for the money (that aside, remember, pragmatism doesn't rule) but also for the fact that she knows what's out there, she's subjected to the real world. and she can tell us about it when she comes home to prepare dinner for us. it's a win-win situation, and i've told her that. besides, it's not about how much time you spend with your kids anyway. it's about quality time.

so in all, my family's perfect for me. just like everyone elses' is right for them.

unconfused

i had a long thought about it the long ride journey home.

I just can't seem to put a finger on it.

But for all the lack of rhyme or reason, it all boils down to one person.

Those in the know , will know.

Ultimately, i look out for three things in friends: sincerity, honesty and good values.

Call me boring and a total wet blanket but i can't laugh along and pretend everything's alright when my insides are screaming "HYPOCRITE!!!"

I've decided on a new stand: that i'll enter and continue to enter ppl's lives on a good note from now on. and those that i really don't know how to deal with will stay stagnant until sthg positive comes along to enter into their lives again.
lives just too short to waste on wasting time.
I know what I want now so don't pity me. I'm much happier being alone. Rather be alone and understanding myself than being hypocritical with a million friends.

And by hypocrite, i mean ME.

SNAP.

All you FREAKING MATS who call needlessly at random hours of the night asking for my sister to flirt with and to talk to, please i beg you, do just plainly find better things to do with your time.

Kau ni pun samer la dilah. Kau gi layan diorang sumer buat pe, hah. Balik-balik buat kawan aje tak de salah ah tapi kau gi fikiiiir la panjang-panjang jauh jauh sikit. Buat kawan tu ader baiknyer la. Tapi kau sendiri mestipun ader pendirian sendiri ah.

And mr muhammad imran bin mustapha please get your BUTT back home this instant right NOW! how DARE you leave for tioman just 1 week after your habis BMT with your flinging friends! i didn't even see your straight (straighter than my leper one anyway) batang hidung much at home before you went hooray hooraying away with your new found friends.

alah KAK it's all YOUR fault la. can't you see. if you hadn't been so busy with OTHER WORK which is apparently more important than your family then of coz he's gonna think so and do so. all you can do is write a measely testimonial for him. bearing all the dirty secrets. He was home the whole weekend while you were outside doing stuff for other people.

Your own brother. neglected.

Mass people of society, do NOT neglect your family. At the end of the day, your life, you'll feel empty dying without knowing how much you can really know them.

please lah aisyah. that only applies to you can?

honesty

As much as i'd like to admit that I've been honestly telling you everything that I would want to in my previous posts, it's come to make me realise that I've been unwittingly self-censoring myself according to whom I feel would get slighted or read too much into my words.

And it's not that I'd not want to express myself clearly, but I guess as of late the whole world would be intertwined in my thoughts and as to avoid abovementioned situation i have resorted to complaning about the most mundane and obvious.

Maybe it's just in my nature to be uptight and polite and non-expressive, especially in negative situations. As much as I'd like to be direct and open and expect others to think i'm trying to just be constructive, you'd have to adjust your level of criticism and tone according to the person whom your talking to. And considering the multiple roles that I've come to realise I play towards different people it's just not me at the moment to express myself in one single way. I mean, I don't think it's hypocritical. I'm still me. But the way i tell things out would differ according to whom i talk to. And I have no idea who reads my blog.

Yes, I try to understand and get everyone to see eye to eye. That's why I usually end up trying to get the person whom I'm talkin to to see the opposing view when I'm actually supposed to be comforting her/him. I tend to take the neutral stand. the one in which everyone wins. some people might take it as a loser way out. the people pleasing way. but ultimately you're not able to move ahead without having the mandate of people around you, without their support and trust.

everything's just a blur right now.

torn

i will not feel sorry for myself.

many uncertainties for the future. heedless to say about schoolwork. dreams being put on hold. misunderstandings that lead to nonsensical bickering. growing apart. growing up. growing tensions with matters left unsaid. and a growing friendship that might not break even in the end.=(

at least my family's been much happier=)


All this too will pass.

bleargh

some people are just SO irritating. Just SO freaking irritating. I mean, wth, i'm just trying to help you to see your point and GET through to you but you know what, more than simply pushing me away you turn your back and start pointing fingers at me. FINE. Maybe i've irritated you enough to get through to you. Maybe you just don't see the point of sharing anything with me. Maybe you just have given up on me trying to understand you coz i don't respect you not wanting to tell me anything in the first place.

FINE.

the same old thang

well my bro did as he expected and I'm glad he's happy. Alhamdulillah. What's next is totally left to him to decide. Maybe a scholarship overseas.

Anyway I'm supershocked at some stuff i just saw on frenster. I know i'm always living in my own bubble and need to like awaken myself..and that's how people like me are perceived by "others"..but on the other hand, there's also a case of space. breaks. to define yourself and what you're not.

understanding is the key.

not being judgemental.

U gotta be kidding rite?

Miracles can happen if u believe. Today i managed to join the discussion on 17th century porn without actually feeling self-conscious or blushing about it. way cool eh? haha.

ok, before anyone bereaves on the hypocrisy attached to tudung girls these days again (looks solemnly at mars)..relax...it's just for this mod tt i'm taking discussing love poetry. apparently in their time there were two extreme schools of thought: that love was carnal and just all about sexual pleasure,nothing more, while another school of thought was that love was something constantly seeking for a higher spiritual end, considered platonic love. (it's amazing how the meaning has evolved up until tdy eh? haha. platonic now means nothing gg on..budden hmm, can also mean tt theres no sexual relations but just simply love for the sake of each other)

so yup..we were discussing poetry on both..all about dealing with emotions..no clear cut rules on that sometimes..

haha arly and me were sharing that having old chang kee in school is actually a ploy by the government to increase the number of babies made in singapore. I mean, everyone knows that OCK makes u simply FAT, putting on layers of blubber. and fats are actually a good storage medium for hormones, apart from the usual ones that give u muscles and makes u lie under stress, there's your beloved sex hormones, oestrogen and testosterone. so indirectly by giving us means to eat and get fat, we'd have higher levels of sex hormones and as such...(you do the logic here)...would have higher chances of falling in love (romantically speaking) and (God forbid, no extramarital affairs please, =P) get married and wallah have KIDS!


So moral of the story is, next time you buy a stick of sotong balls or crab meat at ur frenly YIH OCK, remember that it's actually the government's scheme to make you, yes YOU, have more babies. and to think they planted that time bomb right under our very innocent noses.

now im wondering if i should let the opposition in on that so tt they can have yet another rhetorical debate on how we're decreasing the level of intellectualism and thus affecting the process maturation of society in singapore by encouraging our undergrads to engage in such whimsical premarital affairs.


oh oh and you know the line that says
"all cute guys are either attached, married, or gay."?

well, i could always vouch for the first two. But now, maybe I'm enlightened to the whole phrase. For those who know what's been happening of late, you do the math. I really dunnow where to put my face man.

oh and had a good time catching up with Adila mohc. maybe a one-on-one is just my style of things. or maybe i just need to get rid of clutter whenever i chillout with ppl.

'A' level results tmr! goooot luck to my bro, and every everyone else!!=)

Ok i finally caved in! haha.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Siti+Aisyah

do let me know who you are thou! =) then i'll do yours!! wayy cool rite?

oh and i wanted to write a poem tt went sthg like this:


shucks. pantun-fright. arhhh!