So many emotions running through me...
Exasperation: I'm supposed to be finishing my lab report now but I'm stuck on a problem that i don't know how to solve...and to fully understand it requires tons of reading which i don't feel like doing...bleargh...BUT i still have to finish it up tonight by hook or by crook...must do must do...even if i sleep at 2am...
Pre-camp mood: adrenaline rush + trepidation + trying to keep an open mind... while removing all the doubts in my mind, about myself and people in general and well, clearing up what i wanna see myself doing in time to come...
I feel that the camp will be a success InsyaAllah...
On hindsight i value more the value of having initiative....
Coz people with initiative are those that make things happen... And the courage to bring forth your own ideas and sell it to others even if they can't see it at first, you just have to push on with it if u really believe it...
Rallying people around you is important to...
There's so much yet I have to learn...
And I realise i do cherish friendships deeply, though that may not seem sometimes coz I might seem aloof or distant to some people...but sometimes it's just tiring to be friends with so many people when you have things on your mind to think about...
About the thing that happened in the past, I've had it's emotional closure about a week ago, and I'm not gonna bring it up ever again especially after debating heatedly abt it with a friend online...
I did what I felt was right at that point in time. I was put on a spot and I just felt it was unfair to those people sitting in front of me and hearing what they had to say for me not to try and make things better. I'm not the sort to say bad things about others, much less untrue ones. You know that. Loyalty vs integrity. Which one would u choose? At that point in time i made the decision for the latter.
But after a few days I felt bad. You were my friend, even thou we grew apart over the years and you changed- somehow i could recognise the genuinely sweet friend I had back then- you were still a friend of mine. And friendships should be put on a premium.
I realised then that I shouldn't have even gotten involved in the first place. I should have kept my mouth shut. That's when I apologised to you. Not cause I wanted to be all chummy and sweet with you but I felt that as a friend I should have tried to be more loyal...and stay out of the whole thing.
I hated it when you didn't reply my apology. When you continued being cold and oh so professional when we had to work together. When up til now I still know that u dislike me for what I did. Friends forgive. But everyone has a choice to how they wanna react to their friends. And whether people around them are considered friends in the first place.
Anyway I've moved on from crying over the whole thing. You can choose to make something constructive or destructive out of the things you face.
Friendship. Integrity. Loyalty.
Family.
Work ethics. Leadership. Initiative.
Being true to who you are.
Oh Allah, please let me learn from the past mistakes and make me a better person who will fulfil all my responsibilities to the best of my abilities.
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