The pain of stepping forward

And so I turned down yet another direct sales job again. There's too many, I tell you, people clamouring to train you to sell their products, with promises that you'd be given the best training, in the best corporate environment. Some with a lot of genuity in their tone, others with a slight sharp edge even years of training to be a suave salesman cannot remove. AND THEY DON'T ACTUALLY TELL YOU IN THE AD THAT ITS DIRECT SALES.

The person could have been a little lighter on his I-don't-think-you're-really-cut-out-for-this-at-all tone though. I mean, I might be able to totally describe to you in excrutiatingly clear detail what I understand your company does if not for my hesitancy in applying for the job and your painfully vague website.

Even my mom tells me I'm not cut of for sales. You'd need to have patience, a lot of it (and she says this extremely pointedly) apart from the polished speech right from the beginning. The ability to understand the customer's concerns, at every turn of speech, and turn around the sales in your favour.

The truth is I'd always admired businesspeople. The tenacity, positiveness, confidence that they exude, their guts and charisma.

And I know I'd wanna learn more about business. I've been telling myself that for so long.

And I know I'd wanna set up my own social enterprise someday giving work to people who badly need it. And train them if need be.

Idealistic, I know.

And another truth about me is that I do love getting myself into new situations. Drama, debates and whodahelloads else in JC, ODAC and dikir in secondary school, looking back I've always been very much into personal development and growth. I mean, I may have totally screwed up my first emceeing for HEARTSOUT and second for drama (which they told me like 30 mins before the show and wrote out my speech right then!) but I learnt and moved on. I may have sucked on the job, I hated admin work, gritted my teeth through bitchy people I've met, but in all it was all for good. I mean, we were in SCHOOL. Nobody cares if you screwed up your part on the presentation, flunked a really important paper, embarrassed myself in front of the class for saying something totally off the board or messed up bad in trying to make yet another out of point point.

My point is, I hate shoeboxing myself in. I've a whole lot of experience in a varied lot of things, but I don't exactly need to parade it in my resume or prove it to my friends or every single person I meet.

I hate being told what to be, what to do, how to do things just because I have a life sciences degree. I want to be able to do a million and one things and be good at them.

I wanna be able to live by my own ideals. And at the end of my life, know that I've lived a meaningful one and would have made the people around me better, and my parents proud.

I'd also want to know what I'm really really good at.

And about sales, maybe I'm just a wuss for not being able to have the guts to sell.
But maybe too I actually care about whether my target client actually needs the product as badly I would have to make it seem.
And maybe I'd like to actually believe that the product would make their lives really that much better for what I'd sell it for.

And maybe I'd like to actually devote my time learning so that I could actually make a product that would make lives really that much better.

Am I being too idealistic, or is this actually called living out my dreams?

*sniffle*

Sometimes, in the rapid effervesence of our lives, in trying to gain that perfect lifestyle, the perfect job, career, grasping right opportunities, being the best person you can be with your family, friends and people you come across, you forget that for some people...

just getting past their day is hard enough.

And that the important thing in relating to others is...

you'd benefit them too in the end, wholistically.

What inevitably changes, and what musn't change

Change is inevitable, and some say that those who cannot adapt to change will be left behind. But if what brings along with it is a corrosion of values, meaning of life and quality of inner being, than that is just...wrong.

Othman Clan 3rd Generation

I've been wanting to do this for a long time, and finally got down to doing it :)
Presenting to you some faces, sides, smiles and snides of the 3rd generation of the Othman Clan. Mr Othman was a humble keropok seller who lived in the Koon Seng Road area with a huge jambu air tree in front. Legend holds that his wife, Salmah Karnawi, was a loving but strict disciplinarian who used to pluck the branches off the Jambu air tree to rotan her kids if they were slightly naughty. I think the discipline tactics worked pretty well, heh. :)

Another family legend is that Mdm Salmah also used to cook fast and easy to cook meals so that she could spend more time doing other household chores and tend to her many kids. As quoted by her first granddaughter, erm yours truly, in recent times, "Macam suker hati nenek kalau dapat buat kerjer rumah, macam tak sama gitu kalau orang lain buat" that she still feels as passionate about being the matriarch in the house as she had back in the 1950's up until the early 1980's.

I really admire my grandmother. (But well, who in the world doesn't, right?) She raised her siblings because her mother died while giving birth to her fourth child, and then married her neighbour (who had fallen in love with her since their childhood days) at the age of 18, before raising 10 wonderful kids. *ahem* a bit biased la here.
She's got so much strength only a woman who's been through the hardship and throttle in life can speak of, yet she's so humble about things, and always so curious and wanting to learn even at the sunset of her lifetime.

Presenting to you the face and strength behind the entire 2nd and 3rd generations, infecting them with discipline, vigour and a thirst for knowledge (haha, right right), Mr & Mrs Othman:

-May Allah bless your marriage always, within every moment and through the generations...-

Daily Wisdom

5R (Rukun) to make yourself down to earth, yet closer to Allah

1. Strong conviction /Tekad yg sangat kuat..
Conviction to bring yourself closer to Allah/Harus tekad utk mendekatkan diri kpd allah..
"Intansurullaha wa yansurkum - Verily if u help Him.. He will help you.."
"we must have target to get progress"
Paling penting to take note..
Your family has to be close to Allah too/Keluarga harus dekat dngan Allah..

2. Banyak taubat ..
"innallaha yuhibbu taubatiallah...." cintakan org yg suka bertaubat.. Bersihkan diri..
Amalan terbaik.. Taubat..
While waiting for anything.. Istighfar... Anywhere.. tunggu bus, tunggu teman hidup.. tunggu mrt.. berdiri..

3. Jauhi maksiat..
Setiap maksiat.. maksiat paling kuat, maksiat mata..
Jangan tengok perempuan muda.. Isteri jadi tua.. (WHAT??!)
Jauhi maksiat mulut.. Gosip sebagainya..
berkata benar.. Baik..
Baca 10 pg per day..1 pg b4 solat.. 1pg after..insyaAllah qatam quran everymth..
Jagalah hati... Jangan mengharap benda yg tak perlu.. Jangan harap org puji..

4. Tingkatkan taat...
solat 5 waktu berjemaah di mjd.. Best! Syadid!
Jangan rugi tak tahajud everynite.. u tak tahajud everynite.. u rugii...
"azkurni azkurkum - ingat allah, allah ingat kita"
"wasta'inu bisabri wassolat... - org banyak solat.. Allah akan tolong lebihkan.."

5. Tebarkan manfaat...
Allah akan selalu menolong hambanya, yg senang menolong sesama..
jangan harapkan apa penghargaan.. Maupun tenkiu..
Everyting lillahi ta'ala..
Sebaik2 manusia.. Adalah manusia yg banyak bermanfaat..

Sounds simple, but so difficult to perform. Was bloghopping, and found this on
jenggo.blogspot.com
thanks eh, even if I don't know you, you'd get pahala ok!

Juncture @ http://www.biorole.com/notqualified.php

Some advice

Thank you for taking the time to submit your resume to the BioRole database. We work with both large and small pharmaceutical and biotech companies, although they are usually looking to recruit individuals with related experience or formal training in the specific profession. Considering you are not yet at this level, we would recommend you to take an intensive professional development training course. Such a program should expose you to a lot of the skills and knowledge you would acquire in becoming a professional in this field and you will learn how to deal with most situations that you will encounter on the job.

BioRole Scientific Solutions evaluated all leading training programs in the industry and recommends Kriger Research Center (KRC) as an ideal training institution. The professional developement Department of KRC specializes in online training for various positions in the industry. Their program is very instensive and highly recognized in the industry. For more information, you should visit www.kriger.com. When you have completed your training program, we would encourage you to return and reapply with BioRole.

Anyone heard of this company?

Natural wonders!

As mentioned before, east coast has the prettiest sights!

-10th May2007-



Look at the cat! haha. -I've found the hangout where the coolest cats in East Coast parole! If you wanna join must pay me $0.50 affiliation fees to join the club!-



Marlini was all strapped up!

looks like Paradise Beach to me! :) But if you fall in, remember to put the buoy back into its pretty place ok



-Singapore, my homeland, it's here that we belong...see the skyline? Never fails to make me feel patriotic all over. haha-



-Nothing holding up the skies-








3rd May 2007. Stormy stormy morning. The sea glistened on its own.







We had breakfast and a quick dip in the tumultous ocean which had a life of its own. so freaking cool. literally. haha.





Mushrooms! Saw it on the roadside on the way home. By that funny house all on it's own near Kembangan.

HAPPY 22ND!

Glimpse of April babies' 22nd birthday celebration...without THE unofficial camerawoman, who was camwhoring away in Kuching:)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, darling gfs!



Everybody squeeze!
Sidenote: sigh everyone looks good in this pic EXCEPT me. So being the usual self-sacraficial being that I am...I shall post this up anyways. haha.

Sains Islam

A run through the keywords "Sains Islam" would bring you to websites on how the Quran has undiscovered miracles back in the 6th century already imbedded into its holy verses, and known only recently by latest 21st century technology. This only seeks to verify the authenticity of the Quran, but it doesn't commesurate a distinctive view on the approach to scientific endeavour, the islamic way.

The websites doesn't actually cover the theoretical aspect of what Sains Islam actually is, what it means to be a practiscing Muslim scientist.

Islamic Science goes beyond explaining these two concepts separately, there's science, which generally means a methodological approach based on repeat experimentation to verify the presence of data/facts on natural phenomena. Essentially, it's about discovering the natural world through experimentation to verify existing natural processes/relations/things. Science in Islamic terms can also include the social sciences or generally understood as "ilmu duniawi" or aquired knowledge, as compared to "ilmu ukhrawi" or revelaed knowledge.

From a western worldview, scientific methodology and commitment to the scientific endeavour basically means having a perception that what cannot be measured does not exist.

And this is probably where a secular understanding of the world ends, and where revelation comes in. For Divine Revelation tells us things that are unable to be thought of by the human mind, and if we do try to conjure up mental images, we'd need divine guidance so as to not be off track.

So if we spin the secular mentality and see it from a guided perspective, this means that science is a tool used for mankind to explore God's creations (His signs of revelation, in His creations: nature, man, living beings, insects, etc) and acknowledge His presence in the way we continue on with our lives.

Upon that, it's used also as a means to rightly enforce what mankind has inherited from Him as Khalifah on this earth. For example, if you're able to understand the complex web of biodiversity present in a particular terrain, you'd be able to manage human activities that balance off well with the preservation of that biodiversity.

Similarly, you'd be able to understand mental diseases like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, to view how the molecules interact with each other to form the mental processes required in everyday thought. As such, you'd be able to derive the best learning processes for kids, or find out what are the possible mental strengths or shortages that one might have when predisposed genetically to a particular wiring of the brain.


But all these wouldn't come about if you woudn't have the right mental framework to hold you through. The understanding that all this secular knowledge is just a means that comes with a greater responsibility to find an end which is brings us closer to Him, and making a better life for all others around us to do the same.

I've always wondered like what's the point of saving (and this is a completely hypothetical case) an old dying tycoon with 5 billion in his bank and 5 squabbling children only for him to give his cash to his mistress, whom he will die in the arms of. Like...is his life more worthy than a child, who, battered by his dad and conceived by his mom out of wedlock has no fair chance in life to begin with? Then is it more worthy just to save wholesome people from wholesome families cause simply, they'd have a fair chance of being good citizens and contribute well to society?




My point being? I need direction. heh.

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

The jobsearch process

ok I should really blog this out before it gets faded in the memory...:)
*brushes cobwebs off my blog*

And so for the last 3 days I've been working with this advertising company. Yeah it's totally different from my degree, but I figured I should try something that I've never tried before. And they were pretty keen on me too, a varied work experience in customer service at different levels and active CCA experience throughout your school years never hurt anyone.

So i totally loved the culture there. LOVED LOVED LOVED. It was an SME, so the people are pretty close, and since it's a face-to-face marketing company, their people are the essential resources of the company. It focuses a LOT on training, and learning from each other. I know it sounds like a very idealistic culture, but this is actually the case, and is implemented from managerial level down to the newest trainee-to-be. So the mornings would be full of trainings, trainings and more trainings, and a funny cheering session. Everyone gets involved, and it's like some kinda cheer-leading team. Plus the whole training structure was solid, and they were undergoing masive growth. Each person had their own individual goals and were enamoured by a supporting team around them.

But as much as I completely LOVED the learning culture, the essence of the job required me to do direct sales. And even though it would equip me with a lot of skills I would love to learn, I just felt I wanted to learn something more academically inclined, and not so much people skills, cause I believe that can be picked up without active training. Plus, I have this strong feeling that I really cannot convince people to buy something that they have a 50-50 stand on. I'd prefer to support people to buy what they need, rather than what they might not necessarily need. Practicality in business.

maybe childhood education would be worth a try. I'd love to set up an islamic montessori programme. yay:)

and thanks to my new phone, I've picked up a new hobby...
check out the pics!

-ok blogspot not working! pics next time!-

This is gonna be a super deep post...

Doing nothing has its merits...and the feeling after the last paper was invincible and incredible. All 15 years of education culminating into a neuro paper, I was smiling even before the paper started. Anyway, it went OK.

So anyway



this picture is usually on my sister's table, which faces the door and cupboard where all 3 of us usually change and dress up and stuff. Apparently, the picture is a leetle bit intimidating coz of the cheeky smile on my sister's bf's face, so when my sister comes in, she usually sees the photos like this:



which pretty much upsets her cause she feels like we're rejecting his presence in the family. It's not that. It's just the l0ook he gives us whenever we feel the most vulnerable.

So in the end, we compromised:







And check out the shrine that my brother has in his room to ensure that we do not miss him...I found it particularly hilarious that it takes up one-eighth of his room.

Amidst the hectic revision, I'd like to set aside some time to blog about how deeply thankful I am for everything that's present right now in my life.

I'm thankful for the horrid friendship break that happened a long while ago. Without that, I wouldn't be more critical (in a good way) about my own friendships in the way I treat others, see the flaws in existing relationships and try to work on them, etc.

I'm thankful for my wierd gifted family. My siblings who keep me young with their angsty outbursts of teenhood experiences, love lost, found and bored-over, and critical questions of seemingly undogmatic circumstances. My parents, who shuttle between pasionate youth-kindled idealism and world-weariness. I know in some ways, they're still learning. I'm also thankful for the sacrifices they've made in bringing all of us up.

Heck, I'm even thankful for my grades. It's made me channel more energy and questioning about my motivations than I've ever done before.

I'm not satisfied, but I'm happy. And for now, I'll be contented with that. :)

CLICK HERE!


I'm glad the Arab world is finally opening up, in the sense that apart from its got so much culture and history to share, it's also generally been defined and construed by the western media. By default then, it delegates the voice to define itself to others and loses a sense of self-identity and along the way, a sense of self-respect. Little by little, in many industries, like Life Sciences, Business and the such, connections are being made with the outside world.

I once asked an Iranian girl at the Science musollah, since she's on an A*star scholarship doing her masters in NUS (and there are several in Science and Engineering) there has got to be a significant amount of research being done over in the Middle East, but so much is unknown and unseen in international journals (at least the few that I do check up for my projects). She said there is a lot of research being done over in her home country, but it just doesn't get its way into internationally recognised journals for some reason that she can't construe either.

But well, there are steps taken, and from there I hope the Middle East as a whole, with its wonderful insights into human identity, culture and diversity would be able to be shared with the world.


And I can finally be proud of a culture that's been isolated from me for so long.

The Mental Prostitute

Sometimes, I feel that I'm giving into things around me that are much less worthy of my time, energy and mental space. Much like a socially undesirable entity whose presence awash the streets of Geylang, I trade my true worth for something much far less, to scrape through a mere substinence, but come out of it feeling cheated and a greater sense of self-worthlessness.

Watching American Idol, hoping to catcha glimpse of brilliance from performers to make my day, reading blogs to get inspiration, surfing friendster...

Just to come out feeling that I've wasted one precious hour subscribing my mind to blind entertainment, only to end up with a constricted gut, arterioles and air passages when i come across something that I don't agree with, feeling incredulous about the ways some wax lyrical about themselves.

Anyway this is one quote that's in my pencilbox right now:
If it had been Allah's Plan or Will not to grant the limited Free Will He has granted to man, His omnipotence could have made all man alike: all would then have had Faith, but that Faith would have reflected no merit on them. In the actual world as it is, man has been endowed with various faculties and capacities so that he should strive and explore, and bring himself into harmony with Allah's Will. Hence, Faith becomes a moral achievement. To creatures endowed with Will, Faith this comes out of an active use of that Will.

But we must not be so arrogant as to suppose that that is enough. At best, man is weak and in need of Allah's grace and help. If we sincerely wish to understand, He will help our Faith, but if not, our doubts and difficulties will only be increased, in the process of understanding.

This follows a necessary consequence, and in Quranic language, all consequences are ascribed to Allah, Causes of Causes.

=)

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estui';uroiu5;upod utbo;rutboprd,i;otzs


and so that was my day.

actually, I have a confession to make!

I'm actually trying to remove all the negative posts such that it will move to the next page and never be seen again! well unless u archive it lah... and leaving a huge blank space does NOT work...so hmmm...let's talk about...things that has happened in the semester...

haha this is for friends who I know don't read my blog anyway...


1. There's this really amazing groupmate that I have that I really look up to. It's like he's the conflict manager of the group. On the day just before our presentation, we were having a really stressful time ironing out the details of our game and two of our groupmates got into an argument over how things should be(btw, the issue was: should we have more money or satisfaction points? heh). Tempers were running high, and tolerance levels were reaLLY low. He actually took a mental step back (and physically too) and tried to make us see each others points by bringing out each of our salient points. And it turned out all fine. How cool is that! haha. But besides that, there are other good qualities as well. I would set up a fan club if not for the lack of funds to support it.

2. Did out my resume and cover letter stuff partially for prof comm for science students, but at the back of my mind I took it seriously lah coz well, I am gonna show it to a few people who just might look down their noses at me and shrink me to the size of a dust particle. I think it's a fairly realistic assessment of myself, and I'm happy with it, even though I'd be short of putting it up online for public comments.

3. haiyoh. i really can't think of things to talk abt anymore. oh! I NEED TO EXERCISE.

wheee! haha. gosh it's 3.25am exactly and...I've decided not to sleep because if I do I'd only have 3 hours of sleep, and gosh, the feeling of waking up THEN has no words to describe. So I'd rather stay up the whole night trying to do things that I've been procrastinating, or wouldn't usually be doing, like blogging. haha.

Been having a lot of happy moments lately. A lot of which I can't recall what exactly, but it just leaves me with a smile...haha moments with su, sharing sessions with shaz, online binging sessions, dumb comments with marlini.. haiyoh.

Now that I'm up, no thanks to the coffee I had earlier, I don't know what to blog about. mayybe I should do something more productive instead. mhmmm hee

Don't lose your way, with each passing day

Gosh, how time flies and it's already 6 weeks before the end of the semester. (And that includes exams too.)

You know how sometimes you just think too much, but somehow when you look back everything just falls into place and you know at that particular juncture, THAT which had happened was supposed to happen only at that particular point in time, in your life.

I've given up looking too much into what's in store for me if I do this, if I am for that. Calculate this, worry that. I know I'll never be as good if I compare myself to the ambitions that others hold for themselves. I'd need to have my own ambitions, my own path, and that can only happen if I know myself better.

I think what works best for me, is to see what I want to explore and delve into. I've always been seeking for more intrinsic reasons, and I guess nobody can help me with that. :)

HAPPY. :)