Ok oh...

Ok, Dilah just tagged me with this:

Rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. At the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!So here's 5 really, really weird/random stuffs:

1. The truth is, I'm really sucky at this kind of personal info divulging stuff. I mean, I can give you my opinion on lots of things, but when it comes to personal stuff like this I go...ERRRrrrrr...so yea, point is I guess I spend too much time worrying about the big stuff and real impersonal stuff to worry about myself. But I spend a lot of time with myself too. Ok, I'm confused. Maybe I just know myself too well but I don't see the point of divulging stuff to people. Ok, Aisyah, shuttup.

2. My favourite movie of all time is "Land before Time." I first watched it when I was like four. You know the dinosaur kids that got lost from their parents and had to travel as a group to the newfound place where all their family members have moved to? With all the cute little dinosaurs. I don't recall their names and why they got separated in the first place, but I know I can cry even if I watch it now. It just professes the ideal story with trust, courage, finding yourself, friendship and family all tied together. And the characters are really cute. siiiigh.

3. Thanks to my mom, who works at SIA 23.59/7, my family goes on trips every year. So far the list includes LA, California, Florida & New York, Switzerland, Germany, Holland, New Zealand, Hong Kong, San Francisco, Perth and Brisbane. So I guess you could strike up a convo with me regarding the places you've been to. Just don't sound too hard to impress.

4. Ok, that last post sounded so bitchy. I don't know why but some people write me off as a snob from first impressions. That or unjokable, sour or sad. Or maybe then, I do know why after all huh. It's the rich brat attitude I've been indoctrinated with. (oh, excuses, Aisyah) ok really, sometimes it's just a defense mechanism to get people to stay away from me when I'm not in the mood. (I guess that IS kinda bitchy...)

5. I like to pull people's toes. But they must be clean. oh, and I like massaging feet. (Not just anyone's lah. Must be people tt I like.) Like they call out to me...(help...I'm in paaaain...This person that owns me is too heavy for me...)And I guess when I massage I can feel the pain oozing out. ok, is THAT wierd enuff? hehe.

ok, watch out you!!

mars-zati-boonhian-shaz-yiting

50-50

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

The Past, The Present and The Future

I used to wonder...

Why rainforests were only found in third world contries when they provide such diversity that would inspire people to care about the environment...

How some animals can be domesticated when they're counterparts actually rule the animal kingdom...

Why some people have more power to change things than others do...

What makes people change...

What brings change...

What is change...

Any maybe I'm not so confused like I was anymore. :)

Thnks Rebutia...:)

Don't ask.

Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active. Intellectual - You consider your mind amongst your assets. Learning is not a chore but a constant search after wisdom and knowledge. You value education and rationality.

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape. Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Athletic 3. Intellectual 4. Big-Hearted 5. Stylish 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Traditional 8. Liberal 9. Sensual 10. Adventurous

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Athletic 3. Big-Hearted 4. Practical 5. Intellectual 6. Traditional 7. Stylish 8. Shy 9. Conservative 10. Sensual

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Blood runs deep...

Everyone has problems.
So quit with all the whining, Aisyah. I mean there are a million and one people in Afghanistan who are homeless, tons of kids in Africa with no parents and dying of HIV and young women in Aceh being subjected to God knows what...

Yes, yes.

But those closest to me have always had conflicting ideas of the most basic.

Dearest DeLa,

Everyone just wants you to fit in the mould. The mould our parents have designed for us. The mould they perceive their kids should be.

I know it's difficult. Especially with siblings like yours. All-accomplishing. It's rather terrorising, isn't it? To be the bottomline for comparison. To feel a sense of empathy, you turn to people worse off than you.

People who have real problems.

People who's parents have enough problems coping themselves let alone listen to their kids. People who are neglected and uncared for. The empathise better, don't they, these people with REAL problems.

But are all your problems the same?


What is it exactly that makes you think they's understand you better than your own family?

I just blame myself for not being able to explain to you the mould that's been created for us.

Truthfully, you make me question all the presumptions.

I just hope it's not too late before I find the answers and explain them to you.

Please take care of yourself.

Love,
Your anti-thesis at the moment.

Couldn't resist putting this on...

I Hope you Dance

I hope you never lose your
sense of wonder
Get your fill to eat but
always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for
granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty
handed

I hope you still feel small
when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes
I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a
fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or
dance

I hope you
dance...
I hope you
dance...

I hope you'll never fear
those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of
least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake
but its worth making

Don't let some hurting heart leave
you bitter
If you come close to settling out
reconsider
Give the heavens more
than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out
or dance

I hope you dance...(time it's a reel-in constellation)
I hope you dance...(Always going oh so long)
(Tell me do once, as you look back you'll see,you'll wonder where those years have gone...)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance...
I hope you dance...


Heard this song last sem when I was staying in hostel and missing my family one morning. It's a very parental song:)

The Ronan Keating's version is nicer and more heart-felt coz tt's dedicated to his daughter:)

The way things are

I haven't been mugging for the last few days.

OK, OK, stop screaming at me already.

Truthfully, I only have three papers (took 2 non-examinable modules), and one of which is open book.

And yes, I am as worried as you think I should be. Somewhat.


But actually kan, KAN, I just can't get myself to concentrate on my books.

And for once I know why. I need what I study to be applied to my real life. As in, immediately, directly, what I can see before me. Or at least a reason for me to study. Cause if you tell me it's just to get that freaking A, I won't buy it. My brain will just shut down under the pressure and I'll freeze. Ok, maybe I've been spoiling it all the while, but I kinda like the way I've been living my life thus far. Searching, searching for a reason, to learn, to live. I can't live with external pressure. It has to come from within. And coz of tt, I have to make sure tt everything I learn will be applied to real life. Or rather, vice versa. With a greater cause tt I have in mind, the stuff I learn will be put into place. *phew* I'm so glad I finally let the whole world know tt.

Oh, I'm serious abt the research in the prev post. Yani!! Zati!! Dee! Sya, Su, Marlini(if u guys stumble over my blog)Ilda! Maybe we could research more into the stuff tt's in the liquids in the dog and pig and come up with a scientific answer and then can send the report in to MUIS then they can let the whole Muslim community know abt it. hehe. Well, it's a small dream :) So how abt it guys?

Barbie and her little poodle

Morning everyone!!!

Went for a walk ard the neighbourhood this morning. It's always fun to get lost and discover new passages. One day if you bother to come down to tanah merah mrt at 7.30am i'll show you ard(wherever ard means). Anyways, my goal is always to get lost and turn up in front of the pretty pink houses in the centre of the kew estate.

Okay anyhows, while walking came across this middle aged balding guy with his poodle. I mean, the dog barely came up to my calf area, but i kinda slowed my pace and watched the owner carefully, as usual. The owner glared back slightly menancingly, and I evened the stare. For a moment I felt like Rosa Parks, by not giving up the pathway to this man and his dog. (ok lah, a bit extreme, but I mean, waddaheck, it's a free country, why dont you be a gentleman and give way to me??)But I conceeded in the end.

Okay, points being:
1) Why do Muslims have to feel so threatened by the presence of a dog? I mean, all we can't do is to touch their wet areas-ie, the mouth and the genitals. The essence of the dog being an animal that deserves equal treatment as other animals is even more important. Why can't we touch it's fur (provided it's dry of saliva), pet it nicely, even play with it provided tt we clean ourselves up if we ever come into contact with the saliva or gential areas(-which would be unlikely, i mean, eww why would u go touching tt part in the first place?)

The fact is, my fren, tt we've been imbibed with a sense of fear for the animal itself since young. "Jgn dekat anjing, nanti najis"-wasn't tt what ur parents used to say? ok, they had their well-sounded concerns, but at the same time as we grew we tended to treat the dog as an animal tts subservient to reasonable treatment. I mean, imagine a grp of malay girls shrieking and making a big fuss when a tiny chihuahua walks past under the HDB block. What kind of impression does it give the owner, the people around them? That Muslims don't treat dogs very well and respect them as animals.

I think it's really to such an extent tt we need to educate these young kids at madrasahs, the issue of what's our stand towards dogs. As in, how to treat them and how to deal with them, what to do if a dog comes running up to you. (You don't shriek and run away with the dog catchin up fast behind.)I realised while trying to avoid another dog tt was coming near to me tt i didn't know how to approach it nicely. With barking dogs (tt are under restraint) its easy, just go "shhhhhhhht" like a teacher in a classroom, and if tt doesnt work, just go "oh, shuttup lurh". Trust me, they'll understand.
So what I'm suggesting is, an ethics towards dogs class. Esp coz dogs happen to be a favourite pet of other races in Singapore. I mean, this ignorance tt leads to extreme avoidance of the animal can't really be tolerated in a multi-racial society like ours right, esp since it really is an animal tt desrves equal respect as other animals.

2) What exactly is it tt Muslims can't touch (ok, the wet parts, saliva and the genitals) but why? What bacteria persists within these liquids tt are so harmful to us? Capnocytophagia canimorsus- is one bacteria found in the saliva of dogs tt can cause serious health problems (with 25% leading to death) esp if you've lost your spleen(cause ure immunocompromised and weak). Many other types of bacteria are also found in dog(as well as cat) bites.

-Predominantly a-hemolytic strep, staph sp. (which is also found in heart of pigs)
-Aerobic- Corynebact., Pasteurella mult.
-Anaerobic- Bacteroides, peptococcus, Fusobacterium
-Capnocytophagia canimorsus- GNR, splenectomy pts.
(just some names of bacteria ripped off the net, will research if i have the time)

ok, thing is pathogenic and harmful bacteria can be found everywhere and in all organisms. But for some distict reason, the bacteria and other microorganisms found in dogs and pigs as animals are strongly brought up in the Quran to prevent Muslims from being in contact with them. Above are a few, and more research still has yet to be done.

Oh and abt the man, he walked back ard and we exchanged "GOOD MORNINGS!!" hehe. Albeit a bit ultrahyper for so early in the morning. but anyway, all's well.

i love my blog

Usually when i write, it comes out all salient and peaceful. But i guess it comes after hours of pondering. so yeah, the thought process has been carefully extracted out of this posts tt i have here. Anyway, my new mission for blogging would be to tell stories tt i usually cant just tell about anyone. Ironic as it may seem, it would be a little impersonal, distant from my reality as i might see it from my own eyes, but in truth, it couldnt be even more closer to heart. :)

And yes, unlike many other blogs i havent posted a single thing on raya.

Well, raya this year was great! it was better than last year in many aspects. The spiritual aspect as well as the spirit on the day itself. And thanks to my first younger sister, who brought home a kenangan manis tt would last for many rayas to come, and made it extra unique on the day itself. Plus well, everything went as planned. And yes, I had a new tudung style which made it more special. hehe. so yea, inside out covered somewhat. :)

but have to respect my dad's request for privacy and not divulge all our family photos on my blog. somehow he's very opposed to that, no not coz of religion n he believes gurls shudden be on display, nothing like tt. But coz he's just a private person, plus he's scared of people rippin off our faces and pasting them on nude bodies. for some really distant reason. but well, as strange as tt might sound, gotta respect it. anyhows i dont really want people scrutinising every bit of my face online.

ok, gtg back to watching LOSt with ma peeps.

and oh, I wont discuss anything to do with stuff tt im doing my real life concerning people tt im not close to..hehe. so don't think u can rip anything off abt urself here!

You Lost Cause of a nice Memory

Sheila On 7


Dan

Dan...
Bila esok datang kembali
Seperti sedia kala dimana kau bisa bercanda
Dan...
Perlahan kaupun, lupakan aku
Mimpi burukmu
Dimana t'lah kutancapkan duri tajam
Kaupun menangis, menangis sedih
Maafkan aku...

Dan...
Bukan maksudku, bukan inginku
Melukaimu sadarkah kau di sini 'kupun terluka
Melupakanmu, menepikanmu
Maafkan aku

Lupakanlah/caci maki saja diriku
Bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar
Dan berpijar seperti dulu kala


I guess it wont hurt to know the truth. Or maybe it really will, come to think of it.
But whether that's possible is another issue altogether.

Someone once mentioned to me that friends are people who teach you things. And you'll remember them for life cause you carry those precious lessons that they taught so well in the past. And that's why you'll always be remembered as a good friend. For teaching me so much in the short time that I knew you. For letting me know that there are people out there who are good, kind, wholesome and brave to stand out among the anonymous faces that blend into the crowd. Someone who dares to be different cause he feels that it's the right thing to do. Someone who bothers to listen to others. Someone who taught me the true value of sharing. It's not about the latest fad or the coolest gossip, but just what you feel is right, just sharing yourself. I never really thanked you for all that. Maybe the sudden aloofness was too striking a contrast that it just turned me away.

But for all that it's worth, thank you. :)

I should stop letting these stupid quizzes take up 90% of my airtime on my blog
Anyways lots have happened
I lobve my family!
But that's nothing new. But somehow this Ramadhan, I dunnow, i think it's the iftar togetherness that kinda binds us together. Less bickering with my bro, more laughs around, more sharing, more understanding. I love them to bits.

And i miss my friends!

And i guess no matter what people may think of you, you just have to be set on the end goal, be true to yourself and hope everything will be allright...InsyaAllah...I may not be the ideal of what you expect me to be, but there's no point pleasing everyone, when I compromise on what I want out of my life in the end.

Oh, and have I told you abt my latest crush? hehehe. He's 25, has big brown eyes and hair that curls at the collar! He's intense, easy to talk to, romantic and sweet.
*sigh* And he sent me home the other nite..

*what?!*

haha okies updates when i next see you! =)

You Are Likely a First Born

At your darkest moments, you feel guilty. At work and school, you do best when you're researching. When you love someone, you tend to agree with them often. In friendship, you are considerate and compromising. Your ideal careers are: business, research, counseling, promotion, and speaking. You will leave your mark on the world with discoveries, new information, and teaching people to dream.

The Birth Order Predictor

-------*---------*---------

I'm going nuts
I don't know where to start
Gut-feel can never turn out right
But however much as it is against my instinct
Something tells me it'll all be alright
How now brown cow?

Too much nostalgia turning yet untrue.

I can see cracks
Look closer, the cracks are threatening break apart
And whole wall will just come crashing down
From a mere tremble,
Leading to an overflow
Of emotions
Dammit

Nothing seems so real anymore
My life was a mere construct of my imagination
It still is
Don't you dare tell me what to think

Love is so glamourised
Nobody sees the point of it anymore
Nobody sees the point of anything anymore

jadedism is the new pink
and everyone ends up blue

This test result makes me feel like a saint all ready to spread my holy wings n fly :))

Idealist Portrait of the Healer (INFP)

Healers | Counselors | Champions | Teachers

Healers present a calm and serene face to the world, and can seem shy, even distant around others. (so THAT explains my random take-5mins-dun u DARE-disturb me right now-stoning moments!) But inside they're anything but serene, having a capacity for personal caring rarely found in the other types. Healers care deeply about the inner life of a few special persons, or about a favorite cause in the world at large. (Heal all ye whom have misfallen...) And their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods.(*ahem*ahem*)In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity (around one percent of the population), Healers can feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism. (Now THAT explains my loner tendencies!)

Also, Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks. (Nah, not my parents lah. More like society.)

At work, Healers are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. (and standard procedures, and hierarchy) Healers are keenly aware of people and their feelings, and relate well with most others. (Most being the keyword here.) Because of their deep-seated reserve, however, they can work quite happily alone. (loneristic tendencies again!) When making decisions, Healers follow their heart not their head, which means they can make errors of fact, but seldom of feeling. (yupyup! I can always explain my emotions but NOT WHY I'm like chatting to some cute guy til 4am when i have sch at 8am the next day! :)) They have a natural interest in scholarly activities (explains all my bogus modules) and demonstrate, like the other Idealists, a remarkable facility with language. (YAY! that's why u keep coming back to my blog to read right?) They have a gift for interpreting stories, as well as for creating them, and thus often write in lyric, poetic fashion. Frequently they hear a call to go forth into the world and help others, a call they seem ready to answer, even if they must sacrifice their own comfort.

Ahhh wow so self-explanatory, feels so good to be understood. Felt like I just had a convo with Adila Mohc. HAHA. BUt yes, I do realise that this mayy just seem overly one-dimensional and I may be overly deluding myself as to whom my true self really could be. haha.

HAPPY FASTING EVERYONE! And hopefully this Ramadhan will make us better Muslims in time to come, InsyaAllah...Remember to cleanse ourselves from all bad traits and deeds and to become wiser, stronger and healthier people in the long run...

And don't forget to scrub in between your toes too! very impt!

okies TATA!

It's tiring when people have expectations of you when you don't realise it.
I admit. I'm one hell of a LOUSY friend. I have been and I may always will be.
Maybe that explains why my long term friendships always tend to taper off. I tend to set my energies in other directions when I don't see the friend in fron tof me anymore. I'm more objective than emotionally-attached to any one person. It's all about experiences with different people, not the person per se. It's one of my weakness, this long-term friendship thingy. The least you can do is to set a good example for me to follow. Forgive what I did to you, and move on. That's all I want for now.

I don't think you should pigeonhole me anymore
I'm not the girl I used to be
Neither am I the girl you want me to be
I'm undefined by all things conscious and real
Wouldn't it be apparent for you to see
That ultimately I'm just being my own kind of me.


*------------------------*

I hate the feeling of falling.

What breed of horse are you? Find out!

I know I know, this is totally unoriginal..haha...HAPPY HOUSE! SOOoo preteen-ish, but heck, can't I just be normal and kiddish for ONCE, try so hard to be myself and fit in then be myself and fit in then be myself and fit in...

I'm tired of all that crap. Ultimately, you'll just have to learn to answer to yourself. I'm sick of people trying to judge and assume different things about what I do.

Anyways, i think SAM was a success for the first night. Alhamdulillah. Yet another night to follow through with it all :)

MODERATION IN ISLAM talk this thursday (6-9pm YIH function room)with professor Hussein from political science department-it's gonna be superb i tell you,he's given many many talks like this before and this would be the first in NUS for NUS students he's also the director for Islamic strategic studies in SEA...So if you're interested to know an expert's take on Islam within the region, please sign up with us il_paranoide@yahoo.com...

I think it's time for me to turn theory into practical.

And i think the playlist thingy is wayyy cool. haha. suits my different modes and terrible moodswings, especially now.

I was debating about whether I should put this up coz it seems kinda mean when you think of it but well maybe you peeps have a different take on it so this is what happened today that started off a semi-bad day and then later in the time to come...

*JUst had a bad day* :)

So I was walking happily down clementi walkway to the mrt station when this guy asking for donations laughed while looking in my direction-ok i felt a bit funny coz i was wearing a bright pink flowery dress that stood out from the mundane colours that people wear on a bright n cheery sunday afternoon(the horror, ishishish)-so okay lah nak laugh nvm tak kisah you can think whatever you want I'm wearing this to cheer myself up coz i felt sick in the morning and wanted to feel better about myself.

So as I passed him and his donation i heard the request-'Kak, nak donate?' in a slightly over-friendly tone and a slightly over-bearing facial expression. Quite frightening actually. So i just react to what I would do in trying to wriggle out of that uncomfortable situation (and slight self-defense) -half smile while not looking directly at the person.

Then I heard: "Sombong seh."

And THAT, my dear people who are still with me, is what got me really pissed.

LIke Excuse me, Mister.

Firstly, yOu are out here, doing a service for so and so charitable organisation with the intention to improve the welfare of the people in the long run. Your intention would be to approach people with the sincerity of asking them to help out. Any other intentions would be secondary, if favourable at all.

Secondly you're willingly helping out and you don't EXPECT people to donate, that's a right of theirs whether they would want to donate or not.

And thirdly, what's with guys calling girls in tudung kak when asking for donations? I know its supposed to be a respectable thing but i find it plain irritating, especially when they're obviously so much older than me. Just a simple salam would do. Just cause everyone else does it doesn't make it favourable. Be original sikit lah, and do what is right, not cause everyone else deems it to be alright.

Ah and that was my first huff for the day.


And btw I think working with Kak Aishah totally rocks.


so...Alhamdulillah. :)

Alhamdulillah

Happy happy :) Alhamdulillah...

For the first time after stepping in NUS, the feeling that I've dreamt I should feel when coming in for classes was felt. [Oh goodness, what distorted english.] But I really couldn't help smiling to myself during arabic classes. The atmosphere of people united learning together towards a particular cause, so close to what we really ought to focus on, in a place of God, felt really blissful...and I really thank God for the experience of letting us hold it for the rest of the students in NUS...ok so that went well.

Other school stuff gets me pretty busy but I guess it's alright...

Schoolwork...getting down to the grind...but still so much to do....

And went out with my dearest gurlfrens on friday! Sha, Farah, Marsie!! Miss people I could really have a warm heart to heart sessio to and talk crap at the same time. hehe. Farah's classic reactions to stories. Sha's hilarious stories. And Mars' warm aura. hehe. I really had a good time...thanks you babes! *hugs*

Had an intellectual discussion with Adila mohc on sunday coz we missed ugama class and walked all ard kallang instead. hehe. Same old that gurl. Really had a good brain wrecking session, felt so understood then. hehe.

Conclusions:

1. It's best if you know what to give to people who are willing to receive and know how to accept what people give you. The remaining spaces are for you to fill in.

2. Life's like this:
Learn and explore A dynamically.
Explain A to others.
Work towards a better A when challenged.
-Where A can be religion, culture, your take on friendships, anything.

This has been on my mind for a long time

Mereka berkata bangsa kami kolot, tidak halus bersaing mengikut arus persaingan yang menyalut penduduk negara kita. Ugama tidak lain tidak bukan menjadi mangsa jua. Kesedihan yang amat terserlah adalah yang mendapati kritikan dan komen ini semua tiada penyedaran mengenai apa yang diperkatakan oleh mereka dan tiada kuasa sungguh untuk menukar apa yang dialami mereka. Sedih sungguh, bukan? Inilah umat kami, saudara, darah danging dan rakan sejinak kami. Siapakah yang akan menyelamatkan kami semua? Siapakah pendekar yang kami telah menunggu dan akan menyerah bakti selama ini? Oh, bukan kami, tidak, kami tidak berkuasa apa-apa pun, kami hanya hidup untuk diri kami sendiri. Bukan itu suatu kepentingan dalam hidup seseorang itu? Quality of life? The right to express oneself, to do as you please to? Apa yang orang lain lakukan, itu masalah mereka, bukan? Siapa kata kami berhak untuk menukar nasib, arus kehidupan mereka? So what if they end up in rehab centres,
suffer from broken marriages and God knows what else? The proportion of people who have problems way overcome those that have the time and means to solve them. And it totally doesn't concerm me, right?

Well, I guess not. Until it really hits home.

-Muddled-

It's amazing that even when work is piling up I still have time to blog. Eurgh.

Everyone's studying like mad. Drives me nuts sometimes, cooped up in this mental nutcased shell called school. Everyone's chasing after the same things, don't you stop and wonder where all this is leading to? What are you workin so hard for?

And everyone would tell me to shut up and get back to work, the work that I've been slacking off. Seriously, I know I haven't been doing as well as I should. Boo-hoo to me.

Anyways, it's hit me before, but it hit me harder today: I wanna do reasearch. Not scientific research just for the sake of doing it but I guess more into research into religion and trying to link it back to science. Yea.

So I have an ambition see. It's just about moving on from philospphising about it and getting it straight into the realm of reality.

Eurgh. Butt-off-to-work-now....

Let's not criticise and comment shall we? it's so easy to criticise and pick on other's bad traits so much so that it becomes an obsession, a point on which our whole life revolves around. Which makes it a crap of a life to live.

So i'ld like to generalise instead. It's rather sad if friends are treated as mere pawns in one's life, to let them play thier respective roles as one deems fit to in one's life, and discarded upon their non-importance relative to one.

I hope no matter where one goes, people are treated in their every right to be and act as their individual selves, and appreciated deeply for who they really are.

I guess this whole drama has taught me that, at least. Be true to who you are and what you do and how you treat others too. Coz ultimately, it'll all come back to you.

ANYWAY. Had a good week past. many many things learnt, all not rosy and sweet anymore. I guess when I picked up the role I was a little starry-eyed. And now it's harder than I thought. But i guess we just have to keep learning from what we've yet to learn right?

And i do like spending time on my own up to a certain point. Give me time to reflect upon my own perspectives without others' thoughts clouding my judgement. But i miss people too much :) been ctaching up thou.

The more you know...

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

Anyways, seem to lack words to describe what I'm going through.
But I'm relatively happy :) so yeay :)

Nice.

-----~~~~~-----
“It’s About Life....”
-----~~~~~-----

Life is about experiences, which makes us to grow;
According to time and situations, it flows.

Sometimes everything seems clear and perfect,
Sometimes, it’s all haze;
Maybe, life is a maze,
Every time, it leaves us amazed.

Not everyone in life, gets everything.
Sometimes, You lose even by gaining, and gain, even by losing.
Why cry for losing something, which we never owned.
Life doesn't stop by accidents;
Else, the world would have ended.

Anyone can sympathize with ours hurts,
But, its only we bleed when it hurts.
Why should our life depend on someone, for happiness?
It’s we, who create our own happiness...

Even in whole life, for someone, you change our ways;
At the end of day, with you, only your shadow stays.
The world may seem beautiful, and people influence by charm;
But, in times of need, it’s our own hand, at the end of our arm.

Love and relations, are like sand,
Which we try to hold in our hand;
The more we want them to stay, the more they slip away.

Let no one and nothing control you,
Come what may; Let you, only your faith in God’s way.

Things that are just part of life,
Must be kept that way.
If we make them life, by mistake;
Heart is bound to break.

Today may seem faint and dull,
Compared to beautiful past;
But, tomorrow will bring beautiful moments to last.

Why look for a shoulder to cry on,
And support from someone;
One moment people are around, next moment gone;
Fact is, He’s the strongest man in life, who stands on his own...all alone.

Whenever in life, things seem to slip out of your hands;
Give it in God’s hands,
Since, everything is safe in his hands.

After every sunset of hurts and despair,
There's a new sunrise of hopes and prayer.

It takes both rain and sunshine to make rainbows,
And like a spring, life always flows;
Even after a bright day ends,
Still in the dark night sky, stars and moon glows....




Wasalaam
Akramulla Syed

The good ol' days

Why is it that when you were in jc, you reminiscence about sec sch, and when you're in uni, you reminiscence about jc?

I guess as the years get progressively tougher, you appreciate more of the innocence and idealism back then.

I miss jc... haha even though i really hated it at first, now I really appreciate it for giving me an alternative perspective of life that rg gave me...

The times crapping during P.E. on the field, through tough times with Barnabas, haha, never could understand how we always got her on her moodiest days, but we did, and we SURVIVED the mental torture together, laughing & rolling ourselves silly playing netball or throwing the javelin at various horrible angles, softball that made us go all philosophical on the ball and strikes...Handsome colonel Lee with his great volleyball techniques, which made us be able to play decently and inspire greatly we decided to have our own volleyball team, which got crushed horribly by other teams, haha...and sneaking around school past the gates wayyy after breaktime, the art of it mastered by clara, our very own pretty councillor, got proposals even into second week of term haha...Shrieking with laughter at the idea of 6 guys changing together in the handicap toilet , in class at small things, at morning assembly, after school...

I guess tpj showed me that there are people out there who have different priorities, and they can still be very happy. I know it sounds obvious, but well... seeing so many people who can slack so badly at all exams and yet be so happy in general really makes you wonder if they've got something going for them that you don't realise.

Yet I appreciated more the times in rg when i eally felt that knowledge was pursued for a reason, for a greater purpose, rather than simply just for passing exams. Get what I mean? Alternative perspectives.

I guess being in extreme environments (somewhat..haha) have always made me the odd one out, the one from the outside looking in. So...that's part of who I am I guess...*shurgs*

Anak melayu

There are some songs that you've learnt in your life through productions, performances, that stay with you, and be your inspiration or point of reflection in time to come. It never was meant to be understood in its pure context at the moment you learnt it, but as time goes by and you grow that much bit wiser, the words just hit you, and the true meaning of it turns apparent.

i can't remember the full lyrics, but here goes:

Anak MelayuAnak Melayu main lari-lari,
Kejar mengejar tak tahu mana nak pergi.

Kalaulah terus ber(main)
Belakang hari susah sendiri
Nanti kita yang pucat lesi
Tanpa pemimpin pewarna diri.

Anak Melayu main lari-lari,
Kejar mengejar tak tahu mana nak pergi.

another is...

Ahai tak terniat untuk menghina Yahudi
Yang berakar umbikan pintaran duniawi
Insan meragut nyawa (Insan meragut nyawa)
Alpakan diri
Kerana peristiwa
Permainan keji

Tak mampu mengorak kepasraan
Penderitaan, dan kemunduraan(kemunduraan)...


Been crying on the spur of the moment in public nowadays, for no apparent tangible reasons. It gets pretty embarassing on the train on your way to school, haha.

Heard a simple question today:
If you had one wish, what would you wish for?
Maybe that should be my guiding principle from now on.
But then again, it's never that easy when it involves other people.

Things learnt:
I like being in control and...erm, ah maybe later.

ME

Your primary type is Seeker
Like other people with Seeker characteristics, you have a thirst for highly stimulating experiences. You gravitate towards unpredictable situations and then thrive once you find them. You would rather improvise than live by a strict calendar that adds structure to daily life. Also, you tend to find consistent routines absolutely strangling.

Intellectually, you're an explorer — which is why you tend to enjoy abstract thinking. In terms of entertainment, you veer toward media that is dark and edgy, flashy and loud, strange and intellectual. You tend to be interested in activities that get you out in the world including the performing arts and new age spirituality.



Your scores place you in the extremely apprehensive region of the relaxed/apprehensive scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you are more sensitive to surrounding stimuli. It also means you are more likely to have an emotional response to chaotic scenes.

Like other people who score high on the apprehensive side of this scale, you are likely to be drawn to situations that are less stimulating to their senses. Because you seem to be easily affected by change, you probably try to stay away from environments that can over-stimulate you.



Your scores place you well into the risk-taking side of the safety-seeking/risk-taking scale. This means that relative to others who have taken the test, you play with the possibilities and thrive on heading towards an unknown outcome.

Like other people who score high on the risk-taking side, you combine a love of the new and unusual with a talent for inquisitive, abstract thinking. You have a tendency to seek out action and in all likelihood, find structure and predictability to be strangling experiences.




You At Your Best
When you're in the presence of others who care about you, you relax and really shine. Supportive, safe interactions with people who believe in you are an important step in your unfolding path towards more confidence. You'll thrive in atmospheres that are calm and quiet. When you feel soothed, you can tune into your real thoughts and reactions. By creating a peaceful environment for yourself, and by slowly building up your confidence, you will be able to enter the world more fully and share the amazing person you are.

Achieving Success
You are focused on success in your life; and you define it in a variety of ways. You love the boost you get from getting credit for your work, financial rewards, achieving your personal goals, finding luck in love, having great friends and, in sum, getting what you want. You can be held back, however, by a pesky self-doubt that occasionally questions your ability to really “make it” in the world. You've never been afraid to let the world know what you have to offer. Whether it's standing up to take credit in a work scenario or letting a new person you meet get a sense of your charms right away, you know how to put your best assets front and center. A challenge for you in the area of ambition is to partner with others as you pursue your dreams. Don't let that niggling self-doubt keep you from teaming up, combining resources and sharing the trip. You'll find the rewards of being on a team or part of a duo can be felt during the process and pay off in the final reward.

ME

Trying to find that balance.

I fel overbalanced. Nice to do something different for a change.

Get different perspectives.

Feel different towards other areas of my life.

Things ar egetting done, Alhamdulillah.

Questions..getting answered.

Hopefully all goes well.

Story of my life

Ahhh this past two weeks I've been busy with many many things, MS event (coming friday! It's an international students' dialogue session, on YOuth and Student Activism in an Islamic context, and we're trying to make it like in a global context to engage both locals and foreigners. Shold be fun, especially if you're looking for intellectual stimulation :) details will be sent out thru emails, so check it out soon!!!

Other than that, NUSSUVPC Exuberance nation wide competition, plus a mini bazaar, buT this is in february and march so still got time...

Plus S.A.M.!! I'm super-excited abt it, can't wait to see how far it's developed. Must be great,with stayovers and all. Crazy!

Oh, and my studies. OoOps. But the modules are really really engaging, so will have time to catch up today and everything.

I realise I tend to be a little commitment phobic sometimes, but once it passes through, I guess I feel a lot better.

Gonna make things work!

Love you all!

And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DEE!!!!! FINALLY A BIG GURL AT 20!!! SEMOGA ALLAH S.W.T. MENCUCURI RAHMAT KEATASMU SELALU. LOVE YOU GURL!! *HUGS*

Syeikh Ahmad Deedat just passed away...

He was one of the most celebrated scholars in Islam...wrote books and travelled the world, challenged many religious scholars of other faiths into debates on religion and questioning of their faith. The Islamic world just lost one man who held the torch in the right direction, our pillar of strengh to modernity and progress, the real icon and role model to follow by any religious scholarly standards anywhere.

He was one of those rare gems that went to the heart of the matter, and wanted to prove that what he stood for was the real truth. He wanted answers and wanted to spread them to everyone, to let everyone know of the truth.

How many of us (me included) actually question what Islam means to us, and how much we live according to its standards in our daily lives. Sure, you may have this conception that it's outdated or unmodernised or irrelevant to our society (like the issue of the hijab) but as Muslims, we have to try and find out why such regulations (Al-Quran and As-Sunnah-words of the prophet) have been passed down through the centuries, and what is our take on such regulations based on the present situation that we are currently living in.

YOu call yourself a Muslim, but what actually do you stand for?

Stressed.

School has barely begun and I'm all fused out. ergh.

Aiyah just blab it all out. Verbal diarrhea my foot. Blogging gives one entitlement to say out everything, anyway rite?

yes. ok. Yet sigh some things u just have to keep to yourself. Self-censorship is nothing new.

ARGHHH.

Suddenly, all that I have to write has *poofed*.

ok. so. let. me. try again.

Ifeellike therearesomanythings goingthroughmymind thatsometimesIdon't understand whetherthey are mythoughts or random offerings from my surroundings.

Ok. suddenly I'm not that good with describing words.

Is this what growing up is all about? The decaying process of tinkering with new things, expressing new opinions, indulging in new senses?

Yea. think thats it.

Idunwanagrowup.EVER.

A Sense of Wonderment

Sometimes i really wonder what's the point of writing my thoughts out, even though my real intention is to seek that others would understand what I'm saying coz I feel I say things better with words (and not like I have the time to meet everyone and tell them stories yunnow, people nowadays, busy busy) but the fact is blogs draw more wrath and criticism nowadays than anything else, but I guess there's always that naive optimistic side of me that expects people to read and understand others' blogs without any critical appraisal of it wadsoever. (I mean YOU do that, don't you? hehe.)

Things on my mind, but no time to blog them out. :( *pouts*. someday eh. you know how long winded I can get, haha. :)

The heart speaks...

Got this off a friend's blog...

"There is no better time than right now to be happy.


Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt, and,
Dance like no one's watching."



Sometimes I just don't understand. No matter how much I try to look through and differentiate between what I want and what I think others expect from me, I just can't seem to disentagle them apart.

Daughter. Sister. Friend. Contributor to society.

Ultimately, your role depends on how u fit into the lives of the people around you. You have to accomodate to them, and learn to give and take. And until I feel that my relationships are at an equilibrium, I don't think I'll be truly happy. I guess I'm just too much of a relationship-oriented person to believe that only I can decide what I want to do with my life.

Is how smart you are defined by your academic accomplishments or by how much you're able to teach to others? Maybe the higher you go the more you can understand things, people, the way the world works, but does that make you a better contributor than someone who just passed her 'A's? Do you make the people around you happy? Do you realise their potential too?

Disquietened...:(

(:* --(:*--(:*

I guess there's nothing ever like catching up with old friends, people who've known you since whenever. People who truly appreciate who you are and what you can do. People who appreciate you as you. I've always been the sort to thrive on connection with others, and thus at this moment, I'm happy :) hehehe

Boinky Boink

Past few days feelings moody...like sometimes I can just feel like evrything's going alright, and sometimes just feel like screaming at people. ah, the joys of PMS.

Anyways birthday was pretty erm. decent. just yet another simple day in my life. had to cancel out on gurlfrenns*actually it was just farah mars n sha, n elly was ad hoc* coz had meeting in the afternoon when most of them were free. oh wells, WE HAVE TO GO OUT sometime soon k...miss u peeps A MILLION times more nowadays :)

The there was this dialogue session (yes, so much intellectual stimulation on my birthday) where the usual issues were brought up, malays being given special priveleges to apply for education tution fees, madrasah education, erm, etc. (you'ld already know what if u're interested to know in the first place.) Anyways what the minister said abt us doing research on our society really struck a chord...I mean we'll continue to pledge ignorance and beat around the bush if nobody's gonna do the dirty work and think up of NEW ideas to move up and on man...

Then yesterday went out with Dee and Shaz after meeting in sch again...I just LOVE honest people...*heh* And dunnow how it started but after pouring out all my probs to them over dinner we didnt wanna leave so chilled near this bamboo patch and started talking abt the dialogue session than abt social work then abt our lives than abt akhirat then in the end we ended up so scared freaking ourselves out abt what's in store for us. hahaha. It was the best nite for the longest time ever:)

Thanks to you all man...
Sha, Farah, Dee, Shaz, Adila, Mars for the (potential or not treats)...

Thanks Yana & Hani for buying the cake and ms people for celebrating erm..eating up of the cake...

And all the rest tt wished me happy birthday :)

Turning 20 wasn't so hard after all with you guys around!

When Mentally Constipated, Quizzle Thyself :)

Are You Nosy?
Nosy Level: 80%

You have a wild and crazy imagination, and this can lead you to being very nosy as you strive to check out whether your theories are true. You get very occupied with your own thoughts and create fantastic stories out of the things that you think are happening in people's lives. It might be a good idea to concentrate more on your own life.

WAKA. At least i have a wild and crazy IMAGINATION. Can be used to entertain myself when bored. oh wells.

The Bus
Here is the analysis:

You are more concerned with yourself rather than with others. Superficially, you are a quiet and imaginative person. As you choose to sit at the back, you can converse with your friends although you do not talk a lot.

ok. this quizzes are getting kinda restrictive.

A murder in your town
Here is the analysis:

You had a dream when you were young. For you, having friends is important, so you have a lot of close friends who share the same dream and interest. You and your life companion have similar personalities.

WAKAKA. Fairly true. BUt I just don't like the way they summarise everyone in a few sentences! People are much more complicated than that! Erg!

The Mass Communicator
You have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.

okay I love dealing with people, but I don't think I'm damn cheerful.

sigh.
Who is your dream guy?
Here is the analysis:

Unlike most others, he walk on his own path. He's creative and willing to learn about anything. Music and movies are his favorites. He's kind to everyone. You can feel his inner beauty through his words. He's comfortable among a circle of friends. He's looking for someone to share his hobbies.

Rite. Anyone has a link to a quiz on how to GET Mr Oh-so-perfect-one?

Last one..

How well will u survive in this wild world?
Here is the analysis:

You often give up before you really get things started. You may come up with a project and hand it over to someone else even before you give it a try. This is usually how you ignore the opportunity to succeed. Why don't you gather your guts and try to complete it on your own. Remember that every journey has to begin with the first step. Go for it!

Modules!

It's that time of the year again..hehe...Wel other than my two major mods which will be heartwrenchingly competitive as usual...cell bio and biocomputing n bioinformatics (yUcK!! I can't stand anything to do with computers, it's so impersonal. heh) I'm gonna take chinese with Dee n Shaz!!! eeks! can't wait! No longer at a loss and only making frens in tutorials...that time is over man...haha I guess in year one I've always thought that it's better to take mods that interest you and somehow you'll find like-minded frens in such mods, but somehow i guess that never materialised. And I guess I'm the sort who need friends to study with and keep each other in check. Plus I can be such a slacker..(thou it dussen really show I guess. heh. surface impressions) It'll be back to tpjc first three months again..oh shit...we didn't do much studying then either...hehehe....But knowing how frank they can be towards me, and vice versa, I guess getting straight to the point of studying wouldn't be any problem...I hope. Oh plus hoping to get two more mods with them...since chinese was Dee's idea, I wanna all of us to take Approaches to religion (XD2101)...I think that would be really really interesting and close to heart...and Shaz wants us to take her own psyc modules...YAY finally together again hehe:) yippee yippee!

What I want...

Universal values.

A happy family...

and I think tt should be about it.

:)

I love my life.

My dearest bro has woken me up to the possibilities that I've given up on.

No matter what, those closest to you will always want the best for you, even when you've given up on yourself. And when so much is expected of you, how can you bear to let them down?

I'll try to be the sister that you've always wanted, the one you want to be able to look up to.
I'm sorry if I've been letting you down all this while.

In a way, fnding your own niche gives you a innate warm feeling that is irreplacable by anything else.

And no other niche is best found other than in your own family. :)

And I've deleted the post regarding being on my own and not being a little girl to my Mama anymore. I've talked to her about it too...It's just not about me anymore la.

Still learning... :)

Dearest Bro.

Thanks for your honesty. In all, it's been such an eye-opener. All these years.

I can't say much now. I'm still left speechless.

Confusion

Nowadays I seem to go to sleep with a heavy heart. And wake up in the morning still feeling confused. Like I'm not moving, neither am I standing still. Just entangling up myself further into a deeper web of never ending problems. Not solving anything, not progressing anyway. Where do I start?

I'm tired lah. Take me on holiday in a plane before school starts please..
I miss the exhilaration of enjoying the comforts when you're up in the skies, everything seems permissible (aka no social protocols), within your reach, away from mundane daily rountines, away from complexities, away from the real world.
I wanna get away.



To be honest, there's no denying it.

Yes I feel stuck. I draw out my feelings only to curb them whenever I seriously consider the whole set-up of things. When I think of you. I know I should tell my heart No. Why? I don't know. And besides, I don't see any other way to calm this reluctant heart. Stagnancy.

And frankly I do feel left out at times. But maybe that's just cause of my own personality. *shrugs* I don't know lah.

I just wish people could be more honest. Direct, to my face. Or anyone else's. Enough guessing games or any random hypothesis.

I truly definitely miss people who could tell me 'hey gurl, you're wrong there' or 'well, there could be other ways to solve the problem' but ultimately I know they have my best interests at heart. And everyone else's in general.


Don't like something, just shut up and don't bitch. Try to find means to get the person to understand. To make things better. Change things within your own means. Don't make things worse.
We all have a part to play in this.





And i respect you for keeping your silence on the whole issue thus far.

As things are now.

Maybe it's better for things to be this way, to be separated. Mayb not necessarily be about competition and outdoing one another, but its more of creating more and ample opportunities for our people to learn, grow from first hand experience and shine. Coz in the long run, you would want everything to be brought to the frontline, both in terms of communication and religion. We already have so few to begin with, why not just ensure as many as possibly manage to be engaged in such stuff?



Correct me if my perceptions have any shortcomings.

Alone.

Nobody's here.

Called my mom at her office. Got the voicemail message. I haven't talked to her, like really talked to her in ages. In part, it's my fault. To a large extent. I haven't been making time for family these past few weeks. Thus the feeling of absolute loneliness.

Lab report undone. Unmotivated. To the max. Piling up gradually, continuously, exponentially.

Meeting Shaz and Dee later at four. KInda cheers me up for today. :)

Facial later on Saturday. Mom berlanja-ing.

Birthday in two weeks.

I can't face the fact that I'm ageing gradually and still feel at a lost sometimes.

I wish I was a lot stronger than I am.

But being stronger does not mean you have to face things alone, does it?

I feel sick. to the core.

I feel sick. I feel sick. I feel sick. I'm sorry but the whole situation makes me feel sick. I feel like puking out my dinner. I'm sorry but seriously does he even KNOW you?

This isn't the first time that this situation has happened to me.

And it's gonna happen over and over again.

I think i need the bathroom.

Pre-camp mood (+ sthg which i settled a LOONG time ago<--take note! I am NOT thinking abt this too much!)

So many emotions running through me...

Exasperation: I'm supposed to be finishing my lab report now but I'm stuck on a problem that i don't know how to solve...and to fully understand it requires tons of reading which i don't feel like doing...bleargh...BUT i still have to finish it up tonight by hook or by crook...must do must do...even if i sleep at 2am...

Pre-camp mood: adrenaline rush + trepidation + trying to keep an open mind... while removing all the doubts in my mind, about myself and people in general and well, clearing up what i wanna see myself doing in time to come...

I feel that the camp will be a success InsyaAllah...

On hindsight i value more the value of having initiative....
Coz people with initiative are those that make things happen... And the courage to bring forth your own ideas and sell it to others even if they can't see it at first, you just have to push on with it if u really believe it...

Rallying people around you is important to...

There's so much yet I have to learn...

And I realise i do cherish friendships deeply, though that may not seem sometimes coz I might seem aloof or distant to some people...but sometimes it's just tiring to be friends with so many people when you have things on your mind to think about...

About the thing that happened in the past, I've had it's emotional closure about a week ago, and I'm not gonna bring it up ever again especially after debating heatedly abt it with a friend online...

I did what I felt was right at that point in time. I was put on a spot and I just felt it was unfair to those people sitting in front of me and hearing what they had to say for me not to try and make things better. I'm not the sort to say bad things about others, much less untrue ones. You know that. Loyalty vs integrity. Which one would u choose? At that point in time i made the decision for the latter.

But after a few days I felt bad. You were my friend, even thou we grew apart over the years and you changed- somehow i could recognise the genuinely sweet friend I had back then- you were still a friend of mine. And friendships should be put on a premium.

I realised then that I shouldn't have even gotten involved in the first place. I should have kept my mouth shut. That's when I apologised to you. Not cause I wanted to be all chummy and sweet with you but I felt that as a friend I should have tried to be more loyal...and stay out of the whole thing.

I hated it when you didn't reply my apology. When you continued being cold and oh so professional when we had to work together. When up til now I still know that u dislike me for what I did. Friends forgive. But everyone has a choice to how they wanna react to their friends. And whether people around them are considered friends in the first place.

Anyway I've moved on from crying over the whole thing. You can choose to make something constructive or destructive out of the things you face.

Friendship. Integrity. Loyalty.
Family.
Work ethics. Leadership. Initiative.

Being true to who you are.

Oh Allah, please let me learn from the past mistakes and make me a better person who will fulfil all my responsibilities to the best of my abilities.

of family and such

sometimes i wonder...if family really breeds in you what you know about yourself and your outlook on life, then is there any way to change it? coz no matter what some things will always stick with you thru upbringing right? those slight things that u cant really put a finger on but others outside of the whole atmosphere can notify...

just noticing two mother-daughter couples on the train and seeing how similar they were...oh well. My point is, there isn't really any point. Just me rambling on..

reflections :) -progress

progress

"All progress is gained through mistakes and their rectification. No good comes fully fashioned, out of God's hand, but has to be carved out through repeated experiments and repeated failures by ourselves. This is the law of individual growth. The same law controls social and political evolution also. The right to err, which means the freedom to try experiments, is the universal condition of all progress."

-Mohandas Gandhi (1869-1948)

so you're never a failure on the first try...:)

how apt!

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

haha nah...think i lack sthg there :) oh well, happy taking the test ~*

Hiakz hiakz!

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

I'm slow meh? Maybe blur sometimes but slow??! huhhhh...hahaha but it dussen really sound like me anyway, a little too simplistic. haha. guess it balances off the first one.

sheesh. how egostic ;P

some things that can be learnt but not taught

Vision...






Initiative..





Intuition..






Passion..

ironies in life

where do you draw that thin line, between doing too much and doing just enough to fulfil your responsibilities? How do you know when too much is too much for you to bear? with all that you know, you have the responsibility to step up and do something about it. no lame excuses, no comments, no waiting and holding back...

just me.

i realsie i sound very much more confused in this blog than my prev one.

just spiliin out what i feel..which is good lah. honesty.

i just feel very irresponsible right now. I hate it i have being out of control i hate being out of love i hate being out of sync with people and with myself. i hate this.

i need to set out my priorities, realise what i really want and work towards them.

and not procrastinate and get distracted, which is what ALWAYS happens. eurgh..

Feelings

wanted to make this entry sound cheem but waddaheck lemme just place this out...

trying to make the full use of my time during these hols, and when the term starts gonna go full blast...i just have to stop caring so much about what i think other's think of my intentions coz in the end what they think don't matter at all lah so who cares lah ryte

feeling blurry coz im supposed to write all this out quickly as theres a looong week ahead of me
yupyup

went for my mommy's cousin's wedding just now...yerp, the third generation of the karnawi clan isnt even off and married yet, the youngest is just two years older than me, that's a result of my grandma being the eldest and my mom being the first of all her siblings to get married...so basically, apart from realising I'm the first grandchild, i just realised im the first great gandchild too..hahaha. geez. used to be pressurising but hey, take what you have beb.

anyway i think the wedding was fun :) met up with all my relatives on my maternal grandma's side and a few extras...aint close to my mom's cousins thou, never could know why i can't get close to guys who are justa few years older than me..it's just wierd. anyway my little cutesie cousins are still round and cutesie...sheesh i hope they never ever will grow up ever hahaha...and they keep asking when am i gonna get married, when it's gonna be my tuurn...oh man, i dont even talk abt this sorta thing with anyone! can't imagine myself getting married to someone, but i can imagine the persandingan lah, i want ferrero roche for the kids and broocheas for the gurls and maybe pens for the guys..hahaha..and it has to be in blue and white decor...a lil preppy thou dont u think? Anyway since ive got like 40+ little cousins younger than me (and growing in numbers) i think ive got enuff kendarat to go ard! so fun! the gurls can cook n give away stuff n the guys shall be the logistics people and help set up everything. geez, who needs a wedding planner hahaha :)

okay sheesh i forgot how de-stressing blogging can be :) *yay* byes people up for a ultra hectic week ahead!!

okay enuff crap for now

why I've started blogging again

1. i felt out of touch with the world, in the sense I felt that I didnt have to relate and explain myself too much anymore through my blog, and thus don't have to think so hard. felt a little lacking of something, connection with others...maybe:)

2. the reason why i stopped was coz i felt cynical and depressed all of a sudden. didnt wanna let the evilness spread all ard. Now its gone. so why shudden i start spreading the luurve again? haha

3. i miss getting caught up in the times and just being a self-indulgent and absorbed teenager.

yupyup. so babes..I'm back!!