and so my cashiering job ended with a bang. had loads of fun with people that I'd usually not hang out with in my circle of friends. opened up to different perspectives and really, never, never judge someone until you really know that person, which definitely wouldn't be the first or second time you meet. The pakcik whom i thought was a playful flirt sprouting wise religious sermons really taught me that. and I realised he's eyes are nice and gentle too. haaah! surprisingly comforting to know that even in the wierdest places, you can find people to connect with and find common ground to talk about. :)

plus I learnt the darker side of things always have a shining light. that even in the most dark of situations, people still try to look around them and thank them for simple blessings. like the teenaged minah from a broken family who's thankful for her boyfriend who guides and guards her, and feels a lot more previledged than the blind crippled uncle who walks ard aimlessly on some days to spend his time not being alone at home. or the sullen single mother who works only nights and scrapes and saves every penny just to bring up her two boys. she opens up to words of kindness, or when you show interest in her kids. thank you, friends i made during my short stint. you've really taught me a new perspective on life.

and that customers have the "right" to treat you like shit, and they most probably do because they have no other outlet to bully others anyway. it's amazing the amount of time you can actually analyse a person within a simple transaction. it was fun. :)

and talking to filzah and muz was fun. i realise that i don't actually have a real hobby, but i love exploring new wierd situations and perspectives. like getting this cashiering job to feel a different sense of reality. well, that and to earn some cash and i was itching to do something other than stay at home like a cooped up sheltered princess who doesn't know a damn about the real world. who doesn't give a hoot about the persons she sees everyday on the streets, so self-absorbed in her own reality, and feeling sorry for herself. it was nice being a face in the crowd for a change. and i realised i have a certain sense of self-importance about me that i definitely need to change.


and i need like minded frens to continue on this journey, friends who continue to inquire and have a strong desire to learn. not just excel for the sake of excelling, but gaining wisdom, strength and become that much of a better person along the way... :)

i think i shall take a hiatus from blogging cause i don't seem to be giving very meaningful posts, as in you know, posts that actually give a lot of introspection or other. i think im mostly giving out mental diarrhoea instead. haha.

i think over the past week i've just learnt the true meaning of learning. it's about pushing your mental limits and questioning your understanding of the world. while approaching it from your own little shoes. ok lemme share it with you anyway, even though you didnt ask. let's say since i'm taking life sciences right, so i learn about the way the world works, or at least what goes into God's making of a living organism. and there's just so much to begin with, the defense mechanisms, the biochemistry that goes on, the development from a one celled organism to a fetus, there's so much we have to actually remember, [all of which is compressed into the facade of one module we have to take to graduate] while actually He's just simply made them all just like that. It's pretty amazing, and overwhelming when you think about it. and while learning all these things its easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer amt of memory work we have to do. but true teachers would tell us that its about constructing knowledge and not merely regurgitating it. this, as many many ideals that we have been exposed to is yet an ideal, and therefore it's hard to do. muaha.

anyway yesterday Tuty kinda made my day by giving some of us with free tix to go watch puteri gunung ledang! apparently her neighbour works for a company that sponsored the show. it was pretty impressive. haha. the ambition was there, and i totally salute tiara jaquelina. and it was the first time being so groupie-like trying to take a photo of the lead casts after the show. the only pics id have to show you would be of people in front of me trying to get pics. haha.

*chin up gurl!*

good evening peeps. and so today i have the news of telling that despite the fact that i have so many burning views within me that are just dying to blow, i shall be civil and put them into words, and i shall not decide to write in my diary simply coz it'll be over-repetitive and cause i tend to write heartfelt stuff in my diary and here id just like to record more of an overview of my life, and its also for my frens to know about, some of whom i really miss, and i won't get to see in another two weeks cause of the dratty exams.

and so, first up, the issue of exams. i feel its pretty well paced up if i continue being consistent this coming week. given the fact that i went to school on a freaking sunday while my other frens were out raya-ing cause i was worried that i couldn't finish revision, i kinda burned my monday instead cause i was so dead tired. but i will persevere. PERSEVERE!

and then there's the heart issue. dee's been giving me a lot of useful advice on this, such that i can get over whoeveritmaybe soon instead of next year [according to my presumptions, i take quite a number of n years to get over a guy. where n=a specificed number larger than 0] and so the rationale is: i tend to like people that i look up to and i want to exemplify. like there's characteristics in him that i really admire and i'd like to have in myself. and so the idea now is to just roughly analyse what issit exactly that i like about him and try to emulate it. he'll seem less charming then. hopefully.

and then there's the issue of screaming at my siblings, but then, i think it's just exam stress.

ok, that should be all for now. apart from a few buzzing issues that are around my toes, i'm pretty settled. on to mugging! for Him and His pleasure alone.

*I just had to post this up*
For the sake of pure memorabilia, sharing, and short destressor btw immuno revision and biotech report, i have this! :) raya photos...haha...but as you will see later, it's more like blooper raya photos..haha. geez.

on the morning of Syawal, the five of us Mustapha kids sat in Nenek's house (mom's side) playing with our cousins who are unfortunately on purpose not in the photo. We were the first to arrive! (well at least before the others came into the picture. or rather, not. haha.)

from left to right: me, muhd luqman, siti adilah, siti afiyah, muhd imran. (yes, we have such common but beautiful names. =))
and then there was some...

imran is SO trying to act cool.

anyway check this out:



circled according to families. Just 3 of the 10 families under the Othman clan. hehe!

and this one was when no one was looking:


this was at tok umi's (dad's mom's place):


and at tok ala's (dad's aunt's) with fahira!:



and then there were some ex MS exco outing photos. note: this was not meant to be exclusive. upon stepping down, we were just a bunch of frens wanting to replenish the ukhwah we've had forged over the past year. the ending was so memorable with everyone asking for forgiveness from each other. kak aishah: was it like this last year? me:nope. cause i think over the past year we accumulated a lot of dosa towards each other lah. haha! =P

so over at my place:



since there were so many cameras, we took funky shots with each. so mine was the "so scared crazy coz i just saw a ghost" look. of course kak aishah looked calm cause she's not afraid of such things. hehe;)(at kak aishah's place!)...



all the gurls look over here!



yasmin can still afford to smile while on the phone...


me and filzah chilling at the back of the bus!

me and gorgeous anah and a totally extra, uncalled for and insignificant orb in the bottom left corner of the photo...


me and tuty. i love it whenever we take photo and try so hard to smile alike. haha.


me and babe-licious yana



me and nini!

and lastly, a very inspirational lady, kak aishah:)




It was a hard choice between gg for either MS or RG jalan raya, but I decided to go with the former coz it was planned much earlier...felt quite bad that the gurls couldn't come over at night thou. :( it's not like there's not next year, insyaALLAH. :)

my lab report!

ok since we're on the topic of sharing painful moments, I was thinking of explaining my latest lab report so that I can understand it better anyways. I'm kinda stuck, so explaining it out in layman terms would make me understand better. and it can teach you something too!

Alright, so basically the experiment involves us being provided with a gene of interest, and via in situ hybridisation (which I will explain later) we will create RNA probes that will be localised within particular organelles or tissues within the zebrafish embryo that contains the gene of interest.

You start off with being given a simple RNA sequence made up of only 4 nucleotides (AUCG) which runs off to about 200+ bases, which you can run off at the NCBI website.
I guess you could try inserting as many sequences made up of just A-C-U-G and they can link you up to a particular gene. use blastn. It's pretty cool.

ok back to in situ hybridisation. This involves a circular DNA plasmid that's just uh, circular, that contains the gene of interest. By linearising it and cutting it out using restriction enzymes, you can create complementary mRNA sequences. [For those with no bio backgrd, DNA is basically a whole recipe book -made up of only 4 bases A-T-C-G that codes for proteins all around your body. The mRNA is like specific recipes that are only taken out at particular events ie, if the cell needs it. The final dish would be the protein that the mRNA codes for, that makes up your skin, hair, signalling molecules, among all other proteins in your body.]These mRNA sequences are then mixed into a test tube containing zebrafish embryos in the hope that it will hybridise (stick to) the genes that it complements. The gene would only be found in organs that produces it and thus would highlight (using a coloured marker stuck to the mRNA) the organ. The final product would look something like this:



this is the right view of the embryo, highlighted using an mRNA that hybridises the keratin-8 gene which codes for skin proteins...



and this is a close up of the dorsal side of the embryo, where we can clearly see the muscle that has been highlighted by the myosin light chain 2.


And so being given the probe sequence, we're able to find out more about the gene and what it really codes for as found in scientific literature. And being given the pictures, we can deduce the morphological characteristics that it codes for specifically in this experiment (which took a total of 5 days! open lab prac, meaning we can go in anytime we're free to complete the experiment.)

And so now, knowing those two, the question is, so what? We're supposed to find out how much has been found in scientific literature about the development of the two genes, and infer our discovery from what has already been found. Either that or go back in time and pretend that we've found a novel discovery. Either way, we're required to write a ground break research paper in that format. So well, a lot of readings I have to do.

So, didn't understanding that make u feel a lot smarter? :)

emotional carcass
everytime i come back only to blog i just face a blank screen, without wanting to remove the bad things inside me that are dying to come out. I'm confused, on one hand it's not advisable for us to let other people know about the bad things happening in our lives, and we're suposed to face these things with a stronger heart. but i don't believe in facades. I suppose the best is to kinda make it a sharing session, where you're not really complaining, but you're trying to figure things out. As this is gonna be sorta a solemn post, if you're not ready to read it, fine, but don't tell me you left, otherwise i'd think you don't care, which you might not in the first place, here to just get some gossip or scorn at the lives of others you think are worse off than you are, and then I wouln't care less about a person whom I can't call a friend in the first place. -haha, ok whatever lah, i'm just in that kinda mood. you can leave if you want. ok moving on!-

i think it's the time of the sem where everyone is pushing themselves to the limits cause it's just the last stretch until the end of the semester. I'm not complaining.

okay, I'd get to the point. See, ever since I as far back as I remember, I keep getting these bouts of depression. Of course, in contrast to that, I can feel extremely happy and contented with life at times. You may think it's normal, and maybe it is, but what bothers me is that my depression severely affects me, it paralyses me to the point that I can never do anything when I'm in that state. And you know what's the worst part? I'm usually depressed over things that I could not control. About a racist comment I overheard, about guys not going to friday prayers at the mosque when there's absolutely no reason for them not to go, I was even depressed once about a song written for American Idol2. It was during start of the Iraq war, and the producers wrote the song "I'm proud to be an American" for the finalists to sing. I found the song positively twisted. Here you are trying to get innocuous American citizens to run the political agenda, and they're all so positively sure that what they're doing is for the best of others living 476000 million miles away. It made me sick.

I finally figured it out sometime recently. I've always had this perfect worldview that I've stuck to for thus long. Just ask any of my close friends, they'll think I'm cuckoo when I turn all philosophical, but of course the true ones view it as a strength of mine :) And it bothers me when this world view is not enforced in society/real life/print telling me the news/etc.

And recently, I don't even think about this world view anymore. I'm just letting live and let live. And somehow I feel like I've lost part of me, being so unbelievably rationale and non-idealistic.

So that's my challenge. How to balance this one out..I think the best way is to have your own personal views which you don't try to impose on others but work through in your dealings with people, and in going about the dealings in life. And if I really can't afford to be idealistic and have to face the facts, then it's time to compromise, maybe I can still do the things I wanna do, but maybe just not the way I'd imagined it to be. The idea is to change, while still sticking to your essential self.

The important thing is to strive and push myself until the very limits or the end, which ever comes first.

Verily, with every difficulty, there is relief.


For lose not heart, nor fall into despair, for ye must gain mastery if ye are true in faith.

*phew* thank you for sitting through the pep talk I wanted to give myself.

now for an inspirational song!

Anna Nalick - Breathe
Music Video Codes

This day could only get worse if

1) I blew up my leg or half my body in an uncleared landmine

2) The roof over my head collapsed on my bed and remained that way for a week

3) There is a shortage of water supply and I have to go unbathed for a month ie. until the end of November

4) Nobody ever talks to me ever again and I lose all my friends because I've turned into a totally revolting low life no personality homo sapien

5) I realise in the future that I'll never ever get married (editted: actually eh, this won't be that bad)



Gee. I guess the day COULD get a lot worse.

Of Raya, Reality and Rendering myself Useful

I think I speak too early. But more about that later.

Hari Raya was a totally HOT affair this year. Coupled with the fact that it came in the point in time where CAs and assignments were wayy off, it was a relaxing affair. Shiok.

Best part (1) :
Before we left for Nenek's, my mom cooked lontong for the neighbours. 1 door to the right and 3 doors to the left. The reality is that we don't usually even talk much before this. But upon receiving the delicious gifts in the morning they responded with $40 worth of hongbaos(!!!) and a huge hamper of chocolate/choc-coated cookies and the likes. Now it feels so much easier to communicate off-hand. Racial harmony's in the air people!

Best part (2) :
Had a heart to heart with my aunt who's totally HOT. (note: not in the conventional sense, but in the sense that you know some people that you can just click with without trying too hard?) So yea she kinda gave me good advice that i'd need in the near future. Like whether I should send my kids to madrasahs, since all her 3 girls are in madrasah, she's got 7 kids btw. (haha, kidding. that's for my Islam essay-I'm doing on the madrasah system as a reflection of Malays attitude towards knowledge. So like since it's due after rayer, I wanted to interview my relatives and use them as subjects/specimens. haaa.>_<) Everyone needs a mentor every now and then, don't you agree?

Best part (3) : We took mass pictures at my Nenek's. It's so amazing to see how each family has progressed and grown since that all started. My sister was watching the scene of adults, kids and the old couple in the middle waiting patiently for everyone to arrange themselves around them and commented," I think we can all move to a totally isolated part of Malaysia and start a new kampung there." hukhukhuk!! For the record, my nenek and atuk are currently the proud grandparents of 40 young souls and counting...

The rest of the day was spent covering my dad's side with his brothers as the mass movement of people from one house to another just makes it so much cooler, and there's fewer ppl to visit. My mom's side would take the rest of the Syawal month. haaaa.


And so, with the depressing mark of my latest science test (immuno) I've realised that I can't be vague about my answers anymore. It's either I know or I don't know. And reality is right now I don't know much. It felt strange to share with someone the real reasons why I decided to take this course, however much they've been changing through the years since year one, I just find more and more reasons to stay on this track. But it felt just wrong to know at the same time I'm not doing justice by actually putting in my all. Like you know, just berbualling werld. I know I'm capable of more if I just put myself into it.


"There's a light at the far end of this tunnel..." -Breathe, Anna Nalick

And doing housework can be totally tiring, but fun! I almost don't want my maid to come backkk.

Updates

So far this sem's CA results been pretty decent, not exactly up there in the yani and zati stratosphere (haha:P) but alright. Much better than previous semesters anyways. SO yeap, I'm glad.

Lately things have been pretty crazy around the house cause my maid's enjoying her hari raya in indon for the year! that leaves the household pretty much having to do the cooking, washing and cleaning for the next few weeks. which is pretty much what we should be doing given that there are 5 adult kids in the house. ok lah, only me above 21. the rest 19, 15, 13, 10 but we should be independent already to do everything at our own accord. the thing is we've been so accomodated to a maid since young that we find other things to do with our free time. (ok, excuses, i know).

but anyway, the division of labour(just for today) goes like this (includes hari raya prep): me-washing clothes. my 13 yr old sis and 10 yr old bro-painting my mom's room. my 19 yr old bro-painting the walls behind the house. my 15 yr old sis-sweeping the house. mom-clearing out the excess leaves in the garden. dad-repairing computers.

and i kinda volunteered to cook for the next 3 weeks. stop laughing people.
anybody who has any special recipes pls kindly reccommend to me if you don't mind.

hi. this is gonna be a very immature post. don't say i didn't give u warning first ok. (hehs. especially after reading elly's post on maturity) but i decided to write this even before i read that so anyway.

i am getting sick just thinking about the amount of work that i have to do. my classical complement system has finally kicked in cause finally my running nose/sniffles/horrible cough cough is gone! heh. apparently it won't be efficient enough to get rid of my psychological immune breakdown towards work. bummer. =(

ok the next time somebody calls me baik, i will personally remove all the air from the person's lungs, perform a slow and totally sin-inducing slaughter across the semi-permeable tymus gland at the bottom of the throat. basically that means i will literally kill you. i absolutely abhorrr that word ok. lemme give u three basic reasons why.
1. how in the world would you know something like that!
2. jadi kau macam aksyen terrer gitu ah jahat sangat! (so basically you're saying you're so much cooler than me by being bad?)
3. it makes me seem so one dimensional. you know? like boring. (but whether that's true is another matter altogether la) but if that's true then why don't you just say it instead of using politically correct words such as baik??

and everytime i pass them, i get a reminder of a blast of memories from the past that i'm not particularly proud of. it's not exactly something that people would be bothered with, so i'm not exactly sure whyy it bothers me, but it does, it does. *pouts*

ok i'm done here. have a wonderful week ahead all you wonderful people. i hope that doesn't sound too sarcastic cause it's not meant to be ok! ok i'm done here bye.

And so she stood there, with so much conviction in her "InsyaALLAH". And i grew impatient, knowing she might not keep the promise to see through her daughter's PSLE home revision, given her heavy schedule overseeing the tiny shop selling basic necessities, beyond her primary duty of taking care of her two young school-going girls. All on her own, nonetheless. With health depleting and surviving on the kindness of others, she's a picture of simplicity and neglect in a fast, materialistic and self-absorbed world.

Yet,twinge of guilt hit upon reflection that that word was uttered in such deep and pure conviction...It may not be sufficient through my eyes, but she might be giving her all in teaching her kids. Who am I to judge dammit. I'm just the measely tuition teacher. Through her simple ways, she's taught me more that I could ever teach her kids math, science or english. Purity of the heart is not a simple thing to obtain in a materialistic world. Let's not neglect the inner spirit for the outer, not ignore our surrounding circumstances either.

last 15 days of Ramadhan...

And I'm already in slacking mode.

I'm in love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZVn_9gSORE

*sighs*

okay lah, ken doesn't seem that frumpy over Hady's win when you watch the vid again ;) Yay Hady go and memperjuangkan apa2 yang kau perlu! =)

Of the final 2

And so hady wins...but I couldn't help noticing how Gurmit said the winner's name in a flat minced tone, and the judges' faces were all rather disappointing to watch. They weren't exactly off their seats raring to congratulate the winner. And so I started to wonder all along if they'd actually been thinking of the prospects if Jon had won...I mean, okay, pros:

1. The guy has marketability appeal for all kinds of products from nin jiao pa kao (the cough syrup that everyone buys) to lifestyle products (clothing apparell, supersonic shavers, hairstyle, new age cutting trends-tatoos anyone?!) to non-halal food outlets. Hey, maybe NUS FASS can even use him as an icon for a new ad they're preparing. Local brands would hunker after him to help in marketing their products. Does anyone wonder how come taufik only seems to be advertising for 7-11 BIG GULP? I mean, come on, with enough marketing effort he'd have enough soft power to bring in the kaching for several local brands. Maybe after the revamping of his first video from a club setting to a totally monotonous one in the middle of a huge padang, maybe advertisers started to deem his image rather conservative and traditionalistic and started to move away from the idea of using him. If Hady's not strong enough to potray his individuality and versatility while still being aware of his religious values, then the same problem would consume him. Jon, however, would be easier to market as he's more mainstream-values, ideals, lifestyle, etc. And the added fact that he speaks well just highlights the fact that he doesn't have to be groomed to be a good ambassador for X or Y or Z.

2. Jon's the better spokesman and that's pretty obvious. He'd be able to hold on his own in bringing a whole new way of looking at the entertainment industry. I mean, to compare SI to another reality TV show aired on Suria, when Anugerah Skrin was featured too, they weren't just looking at youngsters who can act and compere well but individuals who can bring malay entertainment to a new level while having the support of the young crowd. One can imagine Jon being in the frontline of so many new campaigns related to music as a healthy medium to expressing oneself among youths.

Furthermore, the guy's an undergrad. Who's to rebut now that the education system is stifling anyone from reaching your dreams of becoming an entertainer? Jon's a prime example of one who can have your cake (dabble in your real interest) and eat it too (do it well). If you're really set on breaking it out in a new industry and willing to make the right sacrifices that is.

3. Obviously he'd do well in the Chinese music market with his smouldering good looks and rocker vocals. heh.

At the very least, Mendaki could use Hady for the new revamped "Katakan tidak kepada seks lebih sexy" campaign on in full force after the fasting month (the break in timing is what I find most ironic, the top-down approach to something too personal to many comes pretty close).

Anyway, Jon has done much to potray himself since he's come this far in the competition, and besides, this IS a singing competition after all. So after much contemplation, I finally chipped in my $1.20 worth for Hady. hee. Figured its not the no of votes that counts, its the ratio. And considering most people who vote for Hady don't see it as a mere vote but a way to express their power to change something which is finally within their capacity, there'd be plenty of voting happening that side anyways.

All said, Hady's the better raw vocalist, but Jon can emote the songs better.

Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C-u6kdHuXE

Hmmm...

..."The quality of relationships matters as well. Feelings of loneliness may be as damaging as actual physical isolation, says John Cacioppo, a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago and an expert on how loneliness affects health. In a study of 135 healthy students at Ohio State University, Cacioppo found that those who perceived themselves as lonely had higher levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that causes the body to store fat in the abdomen, a risk factor for heart disease.
Establishing new relationships can help, but may be problematic for isolated individuals. Cacioppo warns that lonely people could hamper their own best efforts because they see the world as more threatening and less rewarding than socially embedded people do. "Lonely people want to be affiliated with others, but they expect [negative responses] and engage in self-protective behaviors that are self-defeating," Cacioppo says. Experts recommend joining anything from a book club to Toastmasters. "Research has shown that just being a member of a local club or an organization has health-protective effects," says Taylor...."

News derived from: http://health.msn.com/womenshealth/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100108101

This is way cool too. I wonder where Singaporeans fit in the range.
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14786805/wid/11915773&GT1=8506

All the small things

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

You may not realize it, but it's true.

At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

If not for you, someone would not have the means to live a better life.

You are special and unique.

When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if youtrust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.

When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look; you most likely turned your back on the world.

Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy.

If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

yesterday was so funn...i'm glad elly managed to convince me to come otherwise i'd be stuck at home bumming over piles of homework. haha.

funnay moments:

Elly and Mars were grating the cheese over the shepherd's pie. Elly, as she self-proclaims (haha) was the supervisor/director-general/commander of the whole kitchen ordeal. Well, it was her kitchen anyway. SO she was overseeing mars' job in grating the cheese.
Elly *getting impatient*: more! More! MORE!MOREMOREMOREMORE! (Juming faster and faster herself as she got into the mood of things)
Mars: well actually she didn't say anything, but she immediately grated the cheese to elly's increasing beat to sucha furious pace the cheese went flying all over the kitchen stove...

Yani and me who were cutting the fruits (and eating every third piece we cut) across the counter got a short spray of the cheese as well..

(haha. ok la exaggerate a bit)

It SO FUNNYYY!!

And then there was Sya and Mars' "render me useful" moment...
Sya: I feel so useless... Could I get something to do?
Mars: Yea man gimme some meaning in my life!
Elly: Ok, you guys can help set the table and get the jug in the cupboard above over there. (points to a high cupboard)

*Sya and Mars look at each other*

Sya: ALAH... why do I have to be the taller one...

HAHA!

oh and another funnay incident earlier during the day...

Shireen (walking out of canteen while checking out this mixed looking Indian guy): Look, that guy's pretty cute! Lets ESSENTIALISE him! (haha. like who in the world says that!! essentialise basically is a term you use to stereotype people to their most basic characteristics. like for example, for me it'll be like..."oh, Aisyah's just a bloody malay girl who wears a tudung" (quoted as an example from Shireen) ... huuhuu...of course everyone is SO much more complicated than THAT!!

oh wells. good day anyways.

hukhukhukhuk :)

It's been a long time overdue for this, but I'd just like to thank a certain group of people who listening to my rants and sharp critiques, for setting an honest and sincere example to follow when I get pissed or moody, for guiding me along the tunnel of darkness with light at the end when I feel bumped out but most of all for accepting me who I actually am and working together towards a common goal. The most teamwork I've ever felt working together with others, where strengths are allowed to shine and weaknesses are complemented by others' strengths.


LOve you ALL. But really, the best way to show appreciation for what you've learnt from others is not through words but to actually practice it in real life and to pass it on...

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I FLOSSED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS TODAY!!!!

Yes, that's because I had a huge chunk of metal and cement plastered onto my teeth since primary six. While led to unflossable teeth. woohoo. all the more sparkle now!

so first day of school was good. did some studying. but im not supposed to let anyone know that.

I cried, i really did.

In a world where superficiality rules supreme, relationships are to be rationalised and who people are may just be a figment of my imagination, I made myself believe that there really is someone out there that might understand me. Even though that just might be inclusive of all of the above.

And so i was in a screw the world mood...when i realised that all i've been doing this while is digging my own grave. i'm still finding my niche, and will continue until the day i die, and that's kinda depressing considering i think i've grown a lot in the past year and there was nobody REAL to share it with. cause the memories were kinda the sort i had to go through alone. and then i got upset cause i just fear that i have to go through the rest of my life like this. and that was when i got real depressed. hukhukhuk.
yeah yeah. im fine. just need a bit of downers to get back into the groove. =]

RAHIMAH RAHIM is out! how dumb is that? She's the only one after Matilda who could really sing! i mean, ok, Jon and Hady has the technique and experience that gives them the persona to be a good singer, but in terms of RAW vocal ability, Rahimah beats them hands down!! I honestly think singapore idols doesn't polish up the contestants ability well enough. It's just a lame stunt at making money. I'm ASHAMED at all of you!! eurgh. at least be a decent attempt at showing singapore's best by at least polishing them up! even american idol makes the contestants practice with the greats! this one, just meet, shake hands, talk talk, wish good luck and BYE. where's the honest sincere attempt to IMPROVE their singing capabilities? BLERGH.

On the flipside, think SG is an honest look at teen culture now. The face of Singapore in twenty years...more mixed kids, english speaking malays..hukhuk.., and as usual the most educated are chinese ppl, and a pretty homogeous culture. And the jibe at JA by hossan leong on Rated E is soooo funnnaayyy! He's my fav local comedian of all time.

okay, so AGM is tomms. Honestly, I'm not sad or anything. I feel that I've learnt what I did aling the way, and this isn't the end of the journey for all of us. Over time I realised that it's not about proving what I wanted out of MS could become true (which was pretty selfish of me) but it's a journey that we all have to take to become better Muslims-fighting your own battles, finding your own niche, realising your strengths, compromises with those around you while working together, making and breaking new vows along the way as you stumble along to who you'd wanna be and what you'd wanna achieve, learning new things within every single person you meet, caring about and giving to society-all those ideals that everyone sincerely believes in at any one point in time. And the journey won't end as we handover to the new batch tomorrow. It's what everybody has to go through through the years anyway. But all in all, it was pretty memorable...especially with the people I managed to get to know along the way. =)

*boofdae*
I tend to follow the ALL or NOTHING law in many things that I do. And that applied to my birthday this year too.

I think as you grow older, birthdays become an excuse to meet up with old friends, catch up on more than just a superficial " hey, we should meet up sometime!"...and have time to reflect on yourself and where you'd like to see yourself in the upcoming year. It's nice, and I really should take advantage of it. I'd talk to my parents abt having a gathering next weekend, hopefully, coz this weekend it couldnt happen due to exco incoming exco training. Which I'm looking forward to coz it's the lastest exco project and it's for the next exco! wee*~~*

So today I spent talking to myself and thinking things through. I had a good time, you, so like, it was all gooood.

New resolutions:
to become a better sister, more respectful daughter, more focus in my studies.
and listen to myself more. this one very impt.

Spent time on the phone chatting to bestest frens Dee and Sha. =) Realistic expectations dialectic approaches again.

Dee came over later to pass me my presents. AND MY BROTHER CAME HOME! MY first wish of the day was for my family to spend more time together. so *yay*. Apparently he got home earlier this weekend coz he's got to leave for brunei come National day. =(


Thanks yous:
Sha, Dee, Marls, Tuty, Azura, Filzah, Yani, Mars, Diana, Yana, Norsha, Zati, Azhar, Ridhwan, Nura, Fatma, Khai, Khai & Elly for wishing me happy birthday! =) Filzah and Ridhwan were so funny lah! They were like..."Semoga ditemukan jodoh dengat cepat dan bahagia selalu.." huk huk...Anyway asked the Ustaz LOve as he's better known on these kinda things and what he said hit me...Jodoh and Ajal are all already tersirat in LUh Mahfuz, you can't change these things. It's just a matter of gg for it when the time's right. And even he can't give me a generalised answer to "the right time". it's like to each their own. Interesting eh? haha.

Disclaimer: Not that I'm going for anyone okay. It's just that...sometimes...people just wish too hard or try to hard on these kinda things, you know? Like in The Lake House. You wait, in time, it'll come, all in time.

So in all, my 21st wasnt a noisy one like most, just a private one with close ones. With a lot of personal thoughts to myself. Well, what were you expecting? A foam party??! =)

Bio geeks (or anyone else for that matter) check this out:

In other Hadith of the Holy Prophet (SAW), it is narrated
"When 42 nights have passed over the Nutfah, Allah sends an Angel to it, who shapes it and makes its ears, eyes, skin, flesh, and bones. Then he says, "Oh Lord is it male or female?"And your Lord decides what he wishes and then the angel records it.
It is interesting to note that the Angels ask Allah,"is it male or female?" Although the gender of the embryo is determined at fertilization the morphological characteristics of the male and female only begin to develop at the 7th week and visible at 9 weeks. The query noted by the Angels matches modern day observations.

Hmmm...does that mean we can still change our genes after fertilisation? Or this is how there would be confusion over the sex of some people? I dunnow seh.

Anyway, to know more abt stuffs related to this, click here:

http://www.research.com.pk/home/fmri/books/eng/creation-man/index.minhaj?id=5

Buatku Tersenyum-Sheila on 7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hqu-JIIfFfk

Datanglah sayang dan biar aku berbaring
Dipelukanmu...
biarpun 'tuk sejenak
Usaplah dahiku dan kan kukatakan semua
Bila ku lelah tetaplah di sini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila ku marah biarkan aku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar

Rasakan resahku dan buat aku tersenyum dengan canda tawamu
Walaupun 'tuk sekejap
Karna hanya engkaulah yang sanggup redakan aku
Karna engkau satu satunya untukku
Dan pastikan kita selalu bersama
Karna dirimulah yang sanggup mengerti aku
Dalam susah ataupun senang

BRIDGE

Dapatkah engkau selalu menjagaku
Dan mampukah engkau mempertahankanku

Bila ku lelah tetaplah di sini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila ku marah biarkan aku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar

*Pictures!*

This is how my new timetable is gonna look like...with a timetable like this, who needs a life? :)



This is all of those who came for MS Appreciates...they say a picture tells a thousand words...but I'm still trying to figure out what sarah is trying to say...haha.. thanks you all for gracing the event...hope you all enjoyed it!




This is the group of people who've I've gotten to know better over the past year...from strangers to work mates to friends:) I'll post more mushy stuff on them after AGM...when it gets full time to reminiscence...all the squabbles and fights over what we feel is most right...
yes yes...we dont exactly look the most garang (fierce) at ths moment...we still listen to different voices in our head...thus the bimbo poses cum garang poses cum hooray hooray poses...

These are some of the people under Human Enrichment secretariat 05/06...they contributed in BIIIG and smallll ways and the year has progressed so fast. NOw they're one year older already... *sobs* they all grow so faaast...



Take a look behind the scenes at the celebrations once it was over...





One of our most dedicated members who took excruciating pain to come down and make sure arabic class is alright...look at the relived look on her face now that its all over...and seems like she's got good things to be extra happy abt also..hmmm...hahaha.

When love and hate collide

ok enough of my sister *pushes her aside*

I just wish sometimes you'd really find out for yourself and decide what's best for you...instead of listening too much to your friends. Feeling lost and alone is one thing, doing what's totally wrong for you is another. I should know, I felt the same things you went through too. Albeit with less guy problems. But until u grow to know whats best, I'd keep having to keep an eye over you. I think only Dee really understands me in these things.. Being the eldest in a huge family.

I had this huge sentimental poem that I wrote in my head when I woke up, in lieu of the past few days. But come to think about it now, I feel just plain stupid. Stupid Stuupid Stuuupid.


But then again, nobody would have any idea of what I'm talking about. And I do think its nice. So here goes...

I hate the way you look at me and seem to totally understand me for who I am.

I'd rather be complexed and misunderstood, and you're not helping.

I hate the way you talk confidently about everything and anything, like you can go on for hours at a time.

It makes me feel like everyting can be alright with the world, if I only believe HARD and try.

I hate the way you seem to feel totally at ease around me.

I'm used to people keeping their distance, it keeps us both from getting potentially hurt.

I hate the way you make me feel.

I'm not used to this.

______**********_________

Anyway, I think based on Ms universe results, the world aint ready yet for Asian beauties. But i think this year has been a record 3 in the top 20. woohoo=) but yea, japan like so totally had the right answer, and she should have been ms universe, even thou puerto rico's answer was good too. But puerto rico was gorgeous and conventionally pretty by ms universe standards.. i think latinos just have this conventional sex appeal that's so in your face. asians tend to be a bit more reserved, and i'm glad. hehe. ms japan had that individualist flavour going for her that's not really asian...

and their national constumes and evening gowns are SO pretty! My favourite: trinidad and tobago. Any gurl would feel goorgeous just wearing that dress.

Time now is 1115am on Wed, 19th June. in the office.
I'm so balled up right now i can just blow. this is nothing personal towards anyone, but i need to let this all out.

see, my sister brought home two of her friends on saturday night. that, i don't mind. but the thing is, she brought them home at TWO freaking am in the morning, without any warning whatsoever that she'll even be back late what more letting two other girls in the house, and she wasn't even respectful about it, happily saying HI! brightly to me as though it was the most common thing in the world. I got freaking pissed. I mean, you don't even respect my parents enough to call, to let them know that you're coming home late, secondly and more importantly, that you're bringing friends over, thirdly, that they happen to want to sleep over, and that's not on their own accord, but on YOUR invitation, as though our house is a free come and go girl's shelter, and fourthly, you have the CHEEEK to kick me out of OUR room the following 2 nights after that just because you and your freaking friend wants to use MY bed. like helloe??? hospitality to your friend, yes, but at the expense of your two sisters?? that was OUR bed for heaven's sakes! how do you expect us to graciously welcome your friend when you automatically ASSUME, without even asking nicely or respecting our need for SOME sorta decorum or privacy, that we'd give up our bed to TOTAL strangers? You didn't even introduce your friend, albeit at two am on the first day, or the next day when all three of you woke up at twelve, when half the house were already up and running and out of the house. Aper nie, rumah kau sendiri ker per?

I'm just so freaking pissed at my sister. And this brings up two points:

1. I'm generalising now. Sometimes, I just feel that with so much wealth, our moral boundaries become blurred. we feel like the world owes us something, we feel like we can have anything we'd want at the blink of an eye. Beyond that, we EXPECT a greater sense of respect and importance from others. my point is, just because you're rich, doesn't make you of greater importance that others who have less. And this is where it gets sticky. Simply because that's the way the world works. And i'm feeling real disgusted about it. Just because you're born into a world of wealth, where assumptions are the right, approved by societals norms, it gives you the greater edge than others to be confident of what you believe in, of what you perceive. So the stronger the perception of the perceiver, and the weaker the perception of the one being perceived, the more realistic that perception would become something normal to everyone.

Like the Arabs being rich and exclusive for example. Like please. *rolls eyes* Sometimes I just feel sick by the way some Arabs are SOOO proud of their heritage and place it above others, like some sorta exclusive tribe, with days of glory from yesteryear. Open your eyes and look at the situation now. My dad's half Arab, btw, so like, I'm criticising myself too, ok?

2. I'm confused towards my attitude for this people-the people that my sis brought home. Like, ok, I'm giving up my bed for this girl who doesn't have a decent bed to sleep in back home. She's stressed up with family problems and was at her breaking point already after holding it in for 7 years. So like, my sister has by default made me do a good thing. But like, why do i feel like I've lost some form of sense of self-respect?

Eurgh.

Now that I"ve let that all out, I feel so much better. anyway, came home early yesterday and reclaimed my bed back. The rest of us siblings locked her out of the room instead and destressed ourselves singing our lungs out and shioking sendiri with exaggerated expressions, and of course the usual feet massages. So yes, I had my bed back yesterday. And a good talk with my parents on everything that's pissifying in the house.

Cakaplah aper kau nak, aku dah tak perduli ah org2 berbuih macam kau.

Frankly, I do learn a lot from my sister.

Our fights keep my pondering healthily about my status quo.

i am one confused soul at this point in time. Like TOTALLY, Urgh.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what if there's like totally nothing in the first place?

Then that's called Shiok sendiri, kak.

Aheh heh..

uhuh eh.

***bangs head against the wall***

i know i haven't been updating many meaningful posts ever since last month, haven't really gotten the time to post thoughtful stuffs since ive been coming home late many2 and well...somestuffs at home aint really gg that smooth. but anyhows, i seriously miss all of those people that i used to hang ard dude. like totally serious. so if i happen to call you PICK UP OK! coz it's time to chill out soooooon! cya guys ard. i won't know when i'll be back.

Nice!
Standing for what you believe in regardless of the odds against you,and the pressure that tears at your resistance...

is Courage.
Keeping a smile on your face when inside you feel like dying,for the sake of supporting others...

is Strength.
Stopping at nothing and doing what's in yourheart that you know is right...

is Determination.
Doing more than is expected, to make another's life a little more bearable,without uttering a single complaint...

is Compassion.
Helping a friend in need, no matter the time or effort,to the best of your ability...

is Loyalty.
Holding your head high
And being the best you know you can be when lifeseems to fall apart at your feet,Facing each difficulty with the confidence thattime will bring you better tomorrows,And never giving up......
is Confidence.

Hold your head high and make your life better every day!

Solid
While trying to find songs to suit the background of a presentation I'm doing for a Fatwa video for the Mobile Van(I know, how hard can it get to find a song that goes with slides on Fatwa), I came across this.

She's got solid vocals man. Gosh I wish I could sing like her, then I'd go waheeda style and perform. hahax.=)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dC7dJYNS58

Yesterday spent the night overnighting in school due to a late meeting at YIH...last minute decided to stayover in school...which was a right decision cause the girls, minus the unsolatables had a "Qiyyam" session dishing out personal stuffs, and after subuh we had a "kuliah subuh" that really really moved me, led by Anah...

THis holidays are churning out more poignant and meaningful moments than expected, and I really hope the lessons learnt will never be forgotten...ever. =)

Past, Present and Future

Week before and weekend was fruitful but exhausting. Thus I'm taking a break from work today. Envisioning process during the camp was good. I guess writing down what I've always known on paper and sharing it did wonders in some ways. Some things are still a blur, but for those that I can at least depend on, its a step forward.

I wanna work with MOH, have a huge house with a swimming pool, and be rich enough to bring my family overseas at least once every two years. I wanna let my family see the beauty of other cultures and appreciate differences as a part of who we are. I want them to be thankful for life in Singapore.

Music Videos Lake Michigan Real Estate Nashville Homes

bit of nostalgia for those days..they're back! hehe. Sha was crazy over nicky back then..and she still is! I liked brian...and then kian...haha old sch days :) Remember the times on the train we'd be singing Westlife songs together like totally self-indulgent kids and embarrassing people with us along the way home..hehehe...
And Norsha was crazy over 911 in sec1! Lee Brennen was so cute. I really liked the casper song.

I know this post won't really mean much to anyone...but well, to me and to some of my friends at least, boybands do rock. haha =)

Jgn Ambik Baju Kakak!

The previous post wasn't to undermine our Malay/Muslim leaders, it was simply to propose an alternative viewpoint to the mainstream one I've been subjected to so far. At this level, it's just not enough that we simply react passively to any form of information that we come across. The article just serves to articulate an alternative voice from an individual that's unhappy with the community's political leaders. Maybe he's got points of his own and he's got the right to speak his mind.

However, as Muslims, we can't judge someone's intentions by their superficial actions and generalise their actions to superimpose a negative identity upon them. This goes towards both parties involved.

Realistically, all we could possibly do is to do something within our own means, whether it might be as an individual or as a group of friends.

And usually, it's really something that goes beyond what you've thought of, if you ponder along creative lines well enough.

:)

---***---

I've been having wierd dreams of late, the latest one being my sister taking away all my clothes and putting them aside close to a Kedai Mama shop near my Nenek's house. And the Mama was breeding several types of pets that include hamsters, rabbits and guinea pigs that have all escaped from their cages when I came down to retrieve my clothes.

I think that stemmed from my fear of my sister intruding into my personal space now that she's all growing up so fast. Plus a certain loss of the familiar now that so many things have changed around me in the past few months. And maybe something to do with animal rights for freedom too.

__***__
This morning was funny with me and my youngest sister waking up together and both of us dragging ourselves out of bed to watch the Netherlands vs Argentina match. (Which kinda rocked, btw). At the risk of sounding like a real amateur, I think the way they played was gorgeous, the pace was so fast! But somehow the ability to shoot a goal within such stress and pressure got to the players and none of the shots on target goaled. I was rooting for the underdogs, and since Netherlands possessed the ball for most of the first half, I wanted Argentina to win..but the Netherlands defence proved unpenetrable, like they were playing netball or sthg, the way every Argentinian striker was marked so well. Just minus the hands being splayed all over the faces of the Argentinian players like netballers usually do.
The funniest thing was both of us fell asleep during half time and woke up when the match was close to over. And that our soccer crazy brother was fast asleep in his own bed. My sister even called up her friends to make sure they were awake to watch the match. haha.


The World Cup makes girls do wierd things :)

http://www.sfdonline.org/Link%20Pages/Link%20Folders/03Pf/Malay_leadership.html

Now I'm confused as to what our leaders really do.

A Worthwhile Read
Today I'd like to share with you something that's been mesmerising me for weeks...

The truth is, lately it seems like reading the Quran has been a ritual and I don't even understand what I'm reading in the first place cause I only know uberbasic arabic, so the habit becomes really bland..and admittedly, my drive to read it consistently just wanes into like sparse moments, between the last (late) prayer and the next Azan, just to kill time..

But this guy makes translations into english such an easy read and even enjoyable. Take for example the simple Alif, Lam, Mim at the start of surah Al-Baqarah..and a few other surahs following it, he explains it in an Appendix at the end of Al-Baqarah:

"Certain surahs have an initial prefix to them, which are called the "Abbreviated Letters". A number of conjectures have been made as to their meaning. Opinions are divided as to the exact meaning of each particular letter or combination of letters, and it is agreed that only Allah knows its exact meaning.
Their presence is not inconsistent with the character of the Quran as a "plain book". The book of nature is also a plain book, but how few can fully understand it? Everyone can get out of the Quran plain guidance for his life according to his capacity for spiritual understanding. As his capacity grows, so will his understanding grow. The whole book is a record for all time. It must necessarily contain truths that only gradually unfold themselves to humanity. "

He then goes on to describe the phonetics of the arabic alphabet and the different combinations and its meanings.

Anyway the copy that I have looks like this:

The Holy Quran, Text, Translation and Commentary; the latter two configured by 'Abdullah Yusuf 'Ali.

Every surah has an introduction to its general meaning and to emphasize the situational context in which it was sent, so people won't misunderstand some laws in a totally radical and abstract context...

And so today my parents were inspired to take the family out for an outing. Since my older younger brother is running somewhere in the jungles of jurong west and my older younger sister has some kind of magnetic pull that attaches her to the bed and renders her unmovable until 2pm at least, that left 3 kids and 2 enthusiastic adults. Guess where we went!



And so it was a suuper relaxed day getting lost in the jungles of macRitchie and together reading aloud every single board that met us along the way. We saw turtles, tiny fishes swimming against a mini current, and several apparent ancestors of ours.


And at the end of the walk, we realised we weren't even close to reaching the tree top trail! Which means another family outing! yay!

And now I am inspired to set the AMAZON Rainforests as my ideal holiday destionation:)

a big thank you to all the little girls who brought a dash of meaning to my life..

Whee~* Just came back from a tweens camp, and aside organisational gitches and what nots, it was a camp worth remembering. There were good moments and those that really touched the heart. I guess what would be most relevant to those reading this would be teaching..I think I'm rather good at it cause of my big family and someone's always in need of an adhoc tuition teacher, my cousins and such, and so I kinda have experience and the mindset and I absolutely ADORE primary school kids-they're so malleable such that you can be sure you'll be able to leave an imprint in their lives-but I just feel that it's just not fulfilling enough to achieve my bigger dreams..

It's amazing that when you aim to give, you actually learn and receive so much back in return.

And for the last time, I have come to realise that we're moving so fast in different directions that we've just crossed the point of no return. But come what may, a true friendship will be able to withstand time and tribulations.

Sentiments at the mo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3jUu8kd1a8 - High by Lighthouse family

Baby pics!!

Went to school today to return books and read up some...

And might as well scan in some baby pics..hehe pardon the sense of narcissim for a while ;)







Bliss with love...but now the tables have turned...

:)

And i just wonder how many more girls have to be hurt before you decide to settle down my dear friend...

I wish I'd never have to see your face again.
Apparently the inert folds i didn't realise I kept my heart in melted into an abyss I never knew existed.

Please stay away.

If it makes you happy...

I hate to be a prick at the moment, but some things have really been bugging me and I just have to let it rant here.

When you ridicule someone's looks on your blog, it's just plain hurting.

When you ridicule someone's integrity and background, it's just plain L.O.W.

Why am I making such a big fuss over this? Simple.

Everyone has their own circle of influence. No matter how small, or wide, depending on your personal charm basically. And whatever you do has an influence on someone else. You're pretty simply because those around you are plainer than you by societal norms. You're large simply because people around you are smaller in size. My point is, whatever you do or say has an impact on at least one person, whether you intend to or not. We don't live in a vaccuum, dammit.

I just can't believe how irresponsible and insensitive people can be in their comments just to simply prove their point. If one person has been irresponsible enough to do something bad to you, you should react merely to prevent yourself from getting affected anymore. You don't do anything to aggrevate the situation just simply to prove you're superior morally or intellectually or whatever else that defines you as a person. Nobody truly confident would ever resort to throwing insults at someone else.

-***-
I guess I somehow figured there are more important things to life than what I'm mulling about right now. The question I asked about a year ago has been answered. I don't have to chase the high road just to be happy. I'm not a competitive person by nature. I'm contented when I'm connected to people.

-***-

All there is to life has already been written for you. There'll be life after death, and all of us would enter either Jannah or Hellfire. The only thing that would bring you closer to Jannah if your destiny is otherwise, would be good deeds.

This sums up basically what I'm feeling right now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbBQAIgAEGU

values all at the end of it

aks i think i fall in and out of love too easily. Hrm, big word. too big.

Anyway darlings, have to update! ok first up, yesterday's shopping trip..which was a good blast! i need a new concept for this year. last year was dresses..wore at least one per week all thanks to my lovely mom who bought me four dresses on mah birthday! and i got one fabulous one thanks to four deasome ppl who bought me one! yay! love it love it..so anyway, i still have not figured out a new concept yet. it's got to be feminine, and fresh. hrmpf.

next:

spot ten differences in this picture ;)
.
.
.
.
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thank you for participating. now you've moved on to the miserable camp who concedes that Aisyah and Tuty do NOT look alike.

hehe i really don't know what to expect next from my friendship with this babe. Only God knows how many times we've squabbled and stepped on each other's toes and made up everytime we have to work together, or simply discussing about what we'd want out of MS and its members. All the virtual screaming and passionate debates saved in email form...haha I'm gonna cry when I re-read those next sem.

You know how MUIS somehow reminds me of The Ministry of Magic. yes yes, the Harry Potter one. It's not about what they do of course, it's more of the culture, and the ambience of the place. Went down there on MOnday with Kak Aishah and Ridhwan to settle admin details for the internship programme with MUIS. Anyway, lets state the ways (shall I compare thee to a Summer's Day style..hehehe)...

1. The headquarters. You know how in Harry Potter, it's always stuck in between muggle buildings and there's like some secret pathway to get there? Well, the MUIS headquarters reminds me of something like that. It's not exactly secretive, but its beside an expressway, and it's kind easy to get lost on the way there.

2. The structure of the organisation. The Ministry of Magic had like Ministry of Muggle affairs which deals with external public affairs dealing with non-Muslims, and also MUIS has an asset managements cluster which reminds me of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures..I mean, the assets they're talking about are different...but still...

It's definitely similarities in minority organisations...only MOM has more control and say about what's actually legalised in the wizarding community, while MUIS mostly enforces guidelines, but doesn't have the power to enforce them on MUslims in SinGapore...

3. The spirit of the people, there's just a one united feeling..like they're bonded in some way. Internally driven and even if they look haggard from all the work they do, there's a certain sense of positive vibrancy. The place kinda buzzes with a quiet electricity.

All in all, I think MUIS is getting really cool to reach out to the community nowadays..haha

And X Men 3 rocks my yellow toe socks! I loved the whole sacrifice for a bigger cause all the characters had to make in the end, and the speech someone gave somewhere in the middle made me tear badly. I think it was the best movie I've seen since Land BEfore Time. You know the one where the baby dinosaurs found their way to their parents back at the end.

Been crying internally cause of my results. I keep rattling back and forth back and forth. I see the big picture, but I'm unsure of the steps on how to get there for now. What do I do these next few years would be decided upon these next few weeks. Crossroads, but well, ain't every moment one too if you let it be?

The Window ShopperRandom'>http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RGLD&g=2&o=1&h=167#">Random Gentle' g="2&o=" h="167#">Gentle'>http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=RGLD&amp;amp;amp;amp;g=2&o=1&amp;h=167#">Gentle

The Window ShopperRandom Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf)
Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come. Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns. Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.
BEWARE: The Hornivore
CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy

its a fact. i suck when it comes to huge chunks of memorisation. lousy.

Pause.

Have you ever felt like you had everything you needed but never what you wanted? I know the simplest thing to do would be to be thankful and move on with what you have, but I'm reflecting here, not exactly deciding what I'd like to do with my life at this moment in time, so please some breathing space would be really cool.

It's like I've got everything to be thankful for, but not exactly what makes me happy.

But then, that means the basics are in place, and so...

there's nothing exactly to be complaining about right?!

-A peaceful break of unhappiness-

Addicted exhibitionist

THat's It! I'm gettInG mY OWN pictures from noW on!! This is SO mucH fuN! hehe

Close your eyes.

You're now transported to a rolling unflattened world blanketed in white, peppered with slivers of black marking snow melted on black rock. The train you're in barrels on at unparralled speed to any other locomotive sevice in the continent as the fresh air outside whisks by with bits of flakes hit against the window, a temporary assault before melting into obscurity with other snowflakes. Inside you're in the bliss of comfort, snuggled up safe and warm, the aroma of sweet hot tea in the air, biscuits being passed around, the warmth of family.

You watch the surrounding mountainside with a mixture of awe and engagement. Awe at the power of He who created the movement of rock that peaked into mountains that lay beneath a magnificent endless range of pure white. Non-duplicable by mankind, but however providing us with a consistent sense and avenue for scientific enquiry and endeavour. Yet over time we understand we will never be able to even come close to understanding the totality of knowledge embedded within what lies before us.

You rake your eyes over the endless range, white-tipped peaks as far as the eyes can see, trying to take in everything with your naked eye, but you understand that you really can't commit it all to photographic memory. The most you can do is to paint a picture in your minds eye and have confidence that it will last you for a lifetime. You feel small and inconsequential, as you understand that these mountains have been lying here ever since the many peoples that came before you, you feel...time is an adage that is unprecedented and created by the Controller, Who looks into you as a miniscular part of the big picture.

At that point in time, you're overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of power and grace contained within these alps,


the struggle of mankind to conquer what's imaginable to his mind as the train moves slinking its way further up the mountains,



and the possible inconsequentiality of your time on this Earth.

Not meant towards anyone

The potential ways in which an INFP can irritate others include:

1. being idealistic
2. appearing out of touch, perhaps not fully recognising current realities, and disregarding those they find unacceptable (not really.)
3. being stubborn over issues the group did not anticipate being a problem (nah. they see it as a problem alright.)
4. spending too much time thinking
5. avoiding conflict and not giving forthright criticism when it is needed (don't think this is a problem.)
6. focusing so much on interpersonal issues that cost and other impersonal considerations are not adequately discussed

Personal Growth
As with all types, the INFP can achieve personal growth by developing all functions that are not fully developed, through actions such as:
1. being prepared to declare the INFP's personal values
2. investigating and recognising the facts before interpreting what they mean (i do this too fast i think. but according to what i'd want to believe, which is my major problem right now.)
3. listing options and undertaking a formal process of evaluation against criteria, including a cost benefit analysis
4. undertaking a critical appraisal of a situation or person, and expressing disagreement or criticism when it could be of value to the recipient ( i don't think they'll like it dude.)
5. focusing on impersonal details during discussions and when making decisions
listing options and undertaking a formal process of evaluation against criteria, including a cost benefit analysis
6. establishing a long term goal, preparing a detailed implementation plan, and sticking to it (applies to personal life.)

Editted from: http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/mb-types/infp.htm

ok!

OK! after re reading my blog I have decided that I need to work on two things for now! number one! errr long term goal setting and a detailed way to get to it! sticking to it! number two! relationship building! like trusting people for one! erm, building friendships! hic. i'm damn high right now hic!

There's a way to take in criticisms gracefully. Unfortunately, I've got to master that yet. To realise you can do so much better, when viewed from other perspectives. Really shouldn't take it in a "hey! you're stepping on my toes" kinda way.

Had a good chilling time with Fahira and Adila Mohc yesterday, caught Fezhah's play.
Highlights:
1. I'm an INFJ, Fahira's an ENFP and Adila's an INTJ. Thus me and fahira will be of the likes of Matmaha Ghandi while Adila will be a future Librarian. hehe ;)

2. Met Su and Sya after the play.
Me: Hey peeps, this is my cousin, Fahira.
They take one look: "COusin?!"
And i was like...(abit paiseh at the commotion): "second cousin lah"...
HAHA expected...really shouldn't judge a person by the company she keeps nor her outlook man...but i guess its typical first impressions huh...

3. Anyway coming out from the play, I guess you can say you'd never really really understand what someone else is going through, cause you never know the circumstances...It's not only about strength of someone being able to get out of "shit" in life that one goes through, though in most cases it does boil down to that (and this is easily said but not done)..And well, they do realise they're kinda screwed up, its just that basically, it takes a LOT to get out of the mess. And at the end of it all, where does it lead you to go, when everyone of you is doing the same things? What's one's direction after that? Judging someone just doesn't help, the least you could do is understand, or at least try to. SO many issues, pretty deep, though the first one was too sexed up for my liking. hahaha.

I've got to quit my late coming habit man.


Time will allow some things to happen when you feel the time is ripe. Just don't think now's the time, and I wouldn't wanna get myself into a fix. The day will come when I can look at you straight in the eyes and see what I wanna see, as it is within you and what I see reflected back at me.

*smile!*

huphup

okay so I'm here just to cool my mind off things, so bear with me okays. Actually i wanted to blog abt my sibs and just how different we all are which ties in to why i just feel connected to some people even they're unlike me on the outside. thus, good is gradable, so is righteousness, humility, friendliness and freshness of perception. Has been a tiring week even though its only Tuesday. I so need a catch up break. At least going swimming tmr with marls will rock, hopefully.

free enneagram test


free enneagram test

i figured i'm a 5 when i'm pressurised and a 3 when things are good.

bummed the whole day tdy feeling a tad depressed
been postponing going to the docs for a week alr
so being unemployed, sick and lonely does not reside well
thus the need for the song...for everyone who is feeling blue
at any moment in time
whether you're gay, a cross-dresser or anorexic
Chirstina Aguilera and many other people care for you

ok anyway
talking to sha made me feel a tad better
haha nowadays we always end up in a heated discussion
over big things like getting to know her cousin
or whether business is about money or service to others(it's abt both ok!!)
the other day my dad was asking me why i was quarrelling with dee over the phone
i was like "huh?! since when?!" actually he overheard me talking to sha
and it's nothing somehow i realise it's the way we discuss things now
HAHA i love friends who grow with you..

and as i see the beautiful friendships ard me develop i'm thankful that there's just some things that can always be counted on...=)

Pushing on...

Yeowch. Got rejected by IBN. I guess it kinda woke me up and makes things not so easy anymore. If i really wanna take this industry seriously, well, it definitely won't come easy. So what's next? Hrm.

Apart from that, diyanah has been exposing me to her business, and i admit, even though it's really interesting and what i'd like to be exposed to i'm not sure i'd wanna commit wholeheartedly to it. The plans, strategies, culture its all there. But I really wanna commit myself to other things. Such as the industry closer related to my studies as stated above. but i think the admin lady was just falling out of her seat laughing at my grades. oh wells. just have to get over that image in my head for now.

MS meeting just now was alright, though i wish some things had just been mentioned much ealier, and well, let's just say it's an uphill task to rebuild it again..even though we never really saw it fall..over the years. I know some people think i'm crazy to be doing this task and dedicating so much time to something that maybe there's no reaping of benefits. But i suppose for me, it's something close to heart..almost like family. Well, it is like family actually, coz i guess my parents' generation benefitted from it and they way i see them (their whole bunch of frens) today is the way i'd want to see us grow and bring changes to the community at large. I see it as a chance to well, make a difference. And i definitely won't wanna make it small.

And also maybe community work is just me. I just can't work evolving around what I want, but more of what people around me want too. A people pleaser of sorts. And I can see the benefits coming out of it. And i don't find it a waste of time.

Bonding sessions with sibs, tuition and reading while travelling takes up the rest of my time so far this week. yupps.

Sorry PM Lee...

It's not you, it's us Singaporeans. You speak of equality for all, why shouldn't that opportunity be extended to the political arena too? I'm glad ure happy with the 65% though.

it's times like these, I'M PROUD TO BE A SINGAPOREAN!! The votes came out really well. I LOVE ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO VOTED!! YOU'RE ALL DAMN COOL! Just the right amount to give PM Lee a mandate, while giving support to the opposition such that they'll gain confidence from the young for their cause. Juuust right. :)

And so anyway. I kinda split myself up into two today to talk to myself about the issue in my previous post. One emo side and one rationale side. And it's all settled...basically something about not expecting too much out of people, even thought they may really be able to give to you what you want, they may not choose to do so cause of...i don't know. So wells, and i figured i only wanted anything cause i wanted to understand myself better. and so, i don't hate anyone, but i still don't understand, but it's ok, that's why i'm human aren't i?

blissfully holiday'ed already:):)

bitch

im feeling really bitchy right now and exasperated at..im not even sure what. before you try and prescribe something as though you know whats going on, trust me, you don't even have a clue to it cause it has no relation to anything that has happened recently, so give up already.

i just don't understand why some people find it so hard to just be direct and be honest. i mean i figured this one out but i can just tell that you mean another, i think i can read people quite well and the signals that are sent are so mixed up i swear i feel like im out of orbit getting signals from different galaxies of aliens that are confused as to whether they'd wanna be found. im freaking sick, and hurt, and disgusted. but the thing is im not even sure what this culminates to. so you know what? for once in my life, im gonna set it aside and pretend i dont care. but the problem is..its been bugging me for quite some time already.

i dont understand you.

therefore, i shall prefer to hate you.

revelation of an over-exercised mind

Ola Ola~* ok, so my intention for writing this is to get more peooople in to the stuff that I'd be doing these hols. See, two days of bumming is real good, but I can't take it any longer. I need to make this hols as meaningful as they can get. It's gonna be my last uni hols anyways before I hit the job market.

So i made a list in the midst of playing sudokou haha

1. Learn how to cook from my grandma, grandaunts, mom and aunts..especially arab dishes...plus sharing a load in the cooking and cleaning of this place...phasing out the maid already...heh...5 grown up kids leh!

2. science research internship..i hope i do get it, thou the chances of getting it are pretty slim...hrm...but the ideas would be to really define what i wanna do in this field..it's always been a vague idea and i don't think that works with me anymore, need to see sthg more concrete in the near future soon...

3. ok to get fit, great exercise and actually learn something practical i wanna do some form of water sports, aishah suggested wakeboarding which sounds cool, but right now i'm missing canoeing. but i wanna try deep sea diving someday..so probably gonna try that out first. anyone wanna join?:) plus morning jogs in the east, got a partner in junie and dee, but no training schedule planned out yet.

4. some business venture with a new pioneering company, yes, it's something like network marketing and i think network marketing the idea is there seh but its the way the people carry it out that is most important. Money being the most important factor is SUCH a turn off. but i think i wanna use this as just a spring board to bounce off ideas with.

5. MS MSA+ internship + reading circles +*****+ etc etc etc.. last bit before we step down!!

6. reading at least half of the books in the house and borrowing from the library every week

7. catching up with people (yayyayYAY finally time for this)

8. tuition and some other personal stuff to work towards to...

so yup yup!

anyways, i was kinda figuring out the profile of people who actually anonymously did my johari's window and this is what i came up with:
observer is someone who I have known for quite some time but barely talk to (cause otherwise you'd find me mature or idealistic, haha). Probably a guy (cause I don't think I'm shy around girls, duh) and hangs around in big groups, cause I'm much quieter in big groups(introverted). I'm not sure if the self-conscious part comes from reading people really well or from what people tell him, cause most of the other people mentioned it cause I mentioned something to them about insecurities and stuff before, and so it doesn't tally with what i think of this person being a bit distant from me. Emphasizes on the way one socialises.

zombie is probably a girl whom either I've worked with before (which explains independent and organised) and is pretty open (explains matured and reflective) with or reads my blog alot. Definitely someone I've talked to quite a decent amout, of my batch or a senior. Probably got to know me only in recent times, uni days. Emphasizes on the way one thinks, so probably a science student, and judges people fairly, ie doesn't like to gossip around.

Hehe. so do you think that's a fair attempt at reading people well? hiak hiakz.

gash

oh bad bad bad its like 4am and ive been online for like 5 hrs...just random chatting and i actually surfed friendster for once..geez..haha..

tdy was great..woke up late without anything to do then had lunch with diyanah jailani..was just thinking of all my batchmates she's the one that has changed the least. but to say that would be unjustifiable to the change she's been through herself...which she has..a stronger and more determined babe. but she's just been a solid rock since like ages ago when i knew her dependable i guess would be the word to use..and she mentioned abt some unexplicable thing we did in sec 2 hahaha. we went thru the entire class list just commenting on how attractive this person was or like the type of pretty and such. like how brainless right? and i couldnt remember..dammit...what a miss at a potential treasured memory...

on a deeper note sthg kinda resonated in me:
when will i ever treasure the people who really believe they mean something to me...but then again how much will you really know what you mean to someone else?
so many times..

and i saw my pri sch frens meeting up on a frenster pic...like 14 yrs between them...yes azura..in case ure reading this its tt guy shaik was talking abt..hehe..man i just stared at the pic of them blatantly making faces at the camera and was amazed at how ppl can just open up...and get hurt anyways....
so yea theme for the hols!!! to open up and get hurt? heh heh

anyways tmr will be a long day...akkkkkksss but its way past my bedtime!! come to think of it so will the weekend...and the week after...

and to think i came online just to complete my ibn application form...akkkz